My head says end it, my heart want to make it work

Oldfashionedgirl

This is so hard for me to face up to emotionally. I think people are right when they say it seems like i'm trying to make it work more than he is. I had texted him 3 times earlier saying we would all support him and help him get through his problems but he has to come clean and to contact us today - he didn't even respond.
It is true that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him in charge of the family, not that I think he would smoke in front of the kids, but he just doesn't take an interest in the family. At home he sits and watches telly, if you talk to him he wont even take his eyes off the screen. In the past when we went out as a couple to eat at the pub, he would buy a paper to read. Says it all really.

Oldfashionedgirl

I just rang his mobile and it was off so rang his dads landline number. His sister answered and said he'd gone out - to his stoner mates house. I'm so devastated. I've been crying my eyes out to my eldest. The kids and I must really mean so little to him. I've left a text saying I was trying to hold the family together but I can see he's made his choice and I will call a solicitor in the morning.
The pathetic thing is i'm still hoping and hoping he will turn on his phone (he wont - he never does this late) and see my message and panic and call to say he loves us. I can't believe he is so cold when we love him so much. It is absolutely killing me.

whitewing

I don't actually understand why you do love someone who treated you so bady and put your life in danger with his dangerous driving.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oldfashionedgirl wrote: »

I just rang his mobile and it was off so rang his dads landline number. His sister answered and said he'd gone out - to his stoner mates house. I'm so devastated. I've been crying my eyes out to my eldest. The kids and I must really mean so little to him. I've left a text saying I was trying to hold the family together but I can see he's made his choice and I will call a solicitor in the morning.
The pathetic thing is i'm still hoping and hoping he will turn on his phone (he wont - he never does this late) and see my message and panic and call to say he loves us. I can't believe he is so cold when we love him so much. It is absolutely killing me.

Sorry.


He loves the drugs more than anything else. That's just how it is.


To stay with such a life is far more likely to end up killing you for real, not just metaphorically.

If he decides to phone up and say he still loves you, chances are that he's run out of money to buy more drugs, btw. It won't change what his priorities are. And anyone who treats you like that sounds more like an owner than a lover, anyway.

jamespir

i usually am one to say you should make it work but he sounds like a !!!!! and you should get you and your kids out safe

moneysavermum_2

for the time being at least you need to seperate..this situation is unhealthy. You need to think of yourself and your children first an this situation cant be doing you all any good,

robster1964

Love, I am sure he does love you and the family... If he is taking drugs... They have probably become his family... One of my boys said that the only thing that mattered to him when he took drugs, was more drugs.. The reality of possibly losing his family, never registered, cos of the drugs

property.advert

You've already put your kids through unnecessary pain and suffering letting them grow up with a drug addict as a father. Better late than never you must start to put them first and ditch this !!!!!!.

nhampson

property.advert wrote: »

You've already put your kids through unnecessary pain and suffering letting them grow up with a drug addict as a father. Better late than never you must start to put them first and ditch this !!!!!!.

I think this is a little strong. All the posts on here have been objective and supportive, not sure that calling him an "!!!!!!" helps.

The OP has been married to him for 16 years plus whatever time before they married. He obviously has something that the OP finds attractive.

Sadly this relationship is in difficulty and not only impacts the adults but also the kids. Once they identify and discuss the issues between them they can either choose to work at it or go their separate ways.

I wish the OP the best of luck in whichever direction it goes, it sounds like the kids have a great Mum. I also hope that regardless of how it goes they also have a relationship with their father.

duchy

Take a step back .......If this was your best friend telling you this-How would you advise them ?

However it is early days -the male ego has kicked in -and no doubt his skunk-mates are telling him he's right and you're the unreasonable one so for now let him stay with his Dad -and see how things pan out. His mates full time may lose their allure, his parents get fed up with the way be behaves-especially if he's not paying his way and stop enabling him. Hold firm and if he asks to come back say yes-once he has gone to rehab and has stayed clean for six months. If he values your life together and your kids-he'll do it-if he won't-well at least you know.

Sorry I know it's tough -and there is help and support out there for addicts families which I think could be helpful to you but if you just roll over and forgive him now......he has no incentive to change.