Homelessness at 34 weeks pregnant?

Swans1912

euronorris wrote: »

Maybe her parents gave her a bit more credit and thought she wouldn't be so foolish as to get herself into such a mess in the first place? I hardly think you can blame the parents for her actions. Having sex = risk of pregnancy - not exactly rocket science is it?

Parent - singular. There has been no mention of her father so far. Only a mother she doesn't have a great relationship with, and the mother's boyfriend who she doesn't get on with.

Oh, of course, my mistake. Everyone just automatically knows how to prevent pregnancy. No need for sex education in schools folks - it's not needed apparantly. Don't be so silly!

As her parents, it is their responsibility to ensure she knows about all of the associated risks with regards to having sex, and the various ways to prevent them happening. As well as how to recognise that things aren't quite right (spotting mid cycle when on the pill can be a sign that it is not the right pill for you and may be ineffective for example), and what to do to address that.

Her mother may well have done that. She may not have. We can't assume either way.

And anyway, I was actually referring to the wider implications of the OP not knowing what to do, how best to address the situation, and what questions she should really be asking. Her parents ARE responsible for not educating her in these valuable life lessons so far, and it is therefore also their responsibility to step up and provide that education now, rather than just leaving her to it.

She is not listening to any of the advice that is being given to her - what do you expect people's reactions will be then?

We don't know that she's not taking the advice. She hasn't specifically come on and said 'Oh no, I'm not doing that because of x, y or z'. Maybe she has taken the advice, but she hasn't updated us on it. Maybe, she's finding all the negativity a bit overwhelming and therefore not expecting anything else but negative comments to be posted, so has b'ggered off. She's 18, she's still learning, and she's still making mistakes (just like everyone else). Maybe she's even talking to Shelter now.

As for people's reactions. I have no control over it. But what I do know is that just having a go at her isn't going to help. It's more likely to lead to her abandoning the thread entirely.

Yeah, sorry but that doesn't really wash. If you REALLY don't want to end up getting pregnant then you either abstain, or you minimise the chances of getting pregnant as much as you possibly can. I really do not want a baby right now, so to make sure I don't, I use both condoms and the injection. It would be VERY unlikely that both forms of contraception would fail - it's got me this far anyway!
The OP hasn't even mentioned whether her pregnancy is due to contraceptive failure so I don't know why people keep talking about the fact that they fail...

Assuming that is, you've had the benefit of decent sex education. Plus, it is not unreasonable to expect someone to rely on a contraceptive that is 99.9% effective. That IS, imo, minimising the chances of getting pregnant significantly. It would be very unlikely for 2 forms of contraception to both fail at the same time, but not impossible, nor unheard of (given how often condoms are often used incorrectly).

I will always recommend using a condom with anyone you intend to have sexual relations wtih though. Unless you have both been tested for STI's, and proven to be clear of them.

As for the mention of unplanned pregnancy - I think this has come up as it is highly unlikely that an 18 year old would plan to have a baby. The Daily Fail would have you believe that millions of them do, just to secure a house/benefits etc, but that just isn't true. (yes, I do recognise that there are a handful who, mistakenly, believe that it is a decision which leads to an easy life)

Well sexual education was available when I was in school, and even my (MUCH) younger brother who is now 15 comes home from school and tells my parents about his day and often surprises them when relaying what he's been taught like putting condoms on a banana to practice. Schools don't turn a blind eye to teaching kids about sex like they used to in the dark ages, it's no longer a matter of "I wasn't told about it" more so "I didn't listen" which is a crying shame.

I don't read the Daily rag thankfully.

Cyril

FBaby wrote: »

What I find so sad its that 2 18 years old could find themselves homeless because their parents want nothing to do with them. Ok they might have been acting a bit spoiled and yes they chose to get pregnant as in they would have known how to prevent it but they are not bad kids and are trying to do what is right he is working she's at college they are trying to save money. What they need more than anything else is guidance and their parents should be the ones providing it. It is one thing to tell them they can't stay in the house it's another to leave them on their own to get on with it. No matter how annoyed and disappointed I was with my daughter how much I would want her to learn about the reality of life I could never abandon her and let her stay in a grotty b&b miles away in her state.

I'm guessing there are religious differences. In outer London its highly likely and as we all know some ' communities' don't want shame on the family.

Tiddlywinks

I was 18 once - didn't 'fall' pregnant - nor did any of my friends or family 'get caught'. It's basic care - if you absolutely don't want to get pregnant then either don't have sex or make sure you use a belt-and-braces approach of, say, the pill and condom. As someone else has already said, it's unlikely that both methods will fail at the same time.

I know this may come as a surprise to some but pregnancy doesn't just happen and can be prevented - if you want to avoid it then you can.

jellyhead

ognum wrote: »

Think back to when you were 18 were you really that perfect or did you just get away with it?

I just got away with it, as did many of my friends. A lot of us lost our virginity before marriage, and sometimes before we were 18.

Looking back I can barely believe how stupid I was at 18, how little I seemed to think about the future. I allowed my boyfriend to bully me into giving up work, and then giving up college. I was supposed to be at university at 18, not asking his permission to leave the house to get the washing in!

I'm just so thankful that my parents grabbed me one day and took me home. They didn't tell me what to do, they just asked me to have one weekend's break with them, and then decide whether I was happy in the relationship and with where my life was going. For example did I want to go back and take my A-levels.

Even though I was 18 and perfectly capable of working, studying, living with a man and sorting out contraception I still needed my parents for support.

My husband at age 18 relied on his parents to give him food and a roof over his head during the university holidays, because he earned enough to live while at uni but couldn't afford to pay rent in the holidays.

Not many of us are completely on our own at 18. I thought I was a grown-up, and if I'd made better relationship choices perhaps I'd never have needed my parents, but I'm glad they were there in the background - and they would have been supportive if I'd got pregnant. Disappointed though.

Cyril

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I was 18 once - didn't 'fall' pregnant - nor did any of my friends or family 'get caught'. It's basic care - if you absolutely don't want to get pregnant then either don't have sex or make sure you use a belt-and-braces approach of, say, the pill and condom. As someone else has already said, it's unlikely that both methods will fail at the same time.

I know this may come as a surprise to some but pregnancy doesn't just happen and can be prevented - if you want to avoid it then you can.

Yeah but if you're a no hoper its a lot easier to have sex and give birth to a sprog with all the freebies that come with it than work hard, educate yourself, get a good job and then save the money to fund your own flat / house etc etc.

The Welfare State has desecrated this country and we'll be paying the price for years and generations to come.

Welfare should be a buffer in your hour of need not an income replacement for life.

tinktinktinkerbell

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I was 18 once - didn't 'fall' pregnant - nor did any of my friends or family 'get caught'. It's basic care - if you absolutely don't want to get pregnant then either don't have sex or make sure you use a belt-and-braces approach of, say, the pill and condom. As someone else has already said, it's unlikely that both methods will fail at the same time.

I know this may come as a surprise to some but pregnancy doesn't just happen and can be prevented - if you want to avoid it then you can.

unlikely but still possible, my friend got pregnant while on both, the condom split but she thought ok, im on the pill, its fine, little did she know that the meds the doc gave her interfered with the pill (she did ask the doc and he said no they wouldnt) but they did and she got pregnant

euronorris

iKennett wrote: »

Well sexual education was available when I was in school, and even my (MUCH) younger brother who is now 15 comes home from school and tells my parents about his day and often surprises them when relaying what he's been taught like putting condoms on a banana to practice. Schools don't turn a blind eye to teaching kids about sex like they used to in the dark ages, it's no longer a matter of "I wasn't told about it" more so "I didn't listen" which is a crying shame.

I don't read the Daily rag thankfully.

That very much depends on what school you go to, and the assigned teacher.

I'm only 29 and my sexual education at school consisted of the biology facts only. ie, have sex, sperm released, meets egg, pregnancy. There was no mention of condoms or STD's. I can remember my friends telling me that they got to practice putting condoms on at their school, but this was not offered at my school. Even after we asked for it (sounded rather fun to a 14 year old!), we were told we would have that lesson in the next year but it never materialised.

I was very fortunate that my parents were open and honest with me about it. Plus, my Mum insisted on taking me to the GP with my boyfriend to discuss contraception, before she would allow him to stay over.

The rest of my 'knowledge' (if you can call it that), at the time, came from playground rumours and magazines.

IMO, relying on schools for sex education is foolish and a recipe for the disaster. First port of call should be the parents.

BitterAndTwisted

The OP has managed to appear as a completely unsympathetic character. Preggers at 18, no home of her own, b/f until recently unemployed. And now seems to expect everyone else to solve their problems with no effort on their parts. Most unfortunate. I feel quite sorry for what this unborn child is likely to be enduring quite soon. it's a tregedy that there aren't local authority properties sitting empty for anyone who asks for them, but we are where we are. I feel quite resentful about people who automatically expect to be housed when there's little to no chance if you're sensible and responsible. No wonder so many LA estates are such uncongenial places these days.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Dunroamin wrote: »

In many areas, even 40 years ago, there would've been plenty of young couples who would've been waiting for a very long time. They'd also be expected to be paying their rent themselves and certainly wouldn't have been living with parents rent free!

And plenty where it wasn't. My BF's parents, 44 years ago, for a start. In London, too, not some unwanted area. Not homeless, living with his mum in the house she owned (Dad had died some 15 years previously), married, got their first place 5 minutes off the King's Road, offered 6 weeks after their marriage, aged 18 and 19. BF was born 11 months later. As soon as child no 2 was born, offered a larger place, which they then bought.

Fast forward 44 years and the Chelsea townhouse was sold, a huge property in the suburbs was bought along with a business, then they were subsequently sold and a bungalow in the country was home for both of them until he passed away.


None of which is remarkable - but they were originally just a pair of teenagers, one who worked in a shop, one who worked as a handyman, both left school with no qualifications and got married as soon as nobody could stop them.

It took the State to help them for the first few years to get them in the position they were in at the time of his death - help that their contemporaries appear to resent giving the current teenagers.

Swans1912

euronorris wrote: »

That very much depends on what school you go to, and the assigned teacher.

I'm only 29 and my sexual education at school consisted of the biology facts only. ie, have sex, sperm released, meets egg, pregnancy. There was no mention of condoms or STD's. I can remember my friends telling me that they got to practice putting condoms on at their school, but this was not offered at my school. Even after we asked for it (sounded rather fun to a 14 year old!), we were told we would have that lesson in the next year but it never materialised.

I was very fortunate that my parents were open and honest with me about it. Plus, my Mum insisted on taking me to the GP with my boyfriend to discuss contraception, before she would allow him to stay over.

The rest of my 'knowledge' (if you can call it that), at the time, came from playground rumours and magazines.

IMO, relying on schools for sex education is foolish and a recipe for the disaster. First port of call should be the parents.

I came from a bog standard comprehensive school, nothing special. Schools have come a long way with sex education since you and I were in school. Remember - the OP is only 2-3years older than my own brother so I very much doubt she lives in a sex education 'black hole' You take responsibility for your own actions in this world.

Whilst I completely respect your opinions I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.