Homelessness at 34 weeks pregnant?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Dunroamin wrote: »

In many areas, even 40 years ago, there would've been plenty of young couples who would've been waiting for a very long time. They'd also be expected to be paying their rent themselves and certainly wouldn't have been living with parents rent free!

And plenty where it wasn't. My BF's parents, 44 years ago, for a start. In London, too, not some unwanted area. Not homeless, living with his mum in the house she owned (Dad had died some 15 years previously), married, got their first place 5 minutes off the King's Road, offered 6 weeks after their marriage, aged 18 and 19. BF was born 11 months later. As soon as child no 2 was born, offered a larger place, which they then bought.

Fast forward 44 years and the Chelsea townhouse was sold, a huge property in the suburbs was bought along with a business, then they were subsequently sold and a bungalow in the country was home for both of them until he passed away.


None of which is remarkable - but they were originally just a pair of teenagers, one who worked in a shop, one who worked as a handyman, both left school with no qualifications and got married as soon as nobody could stop them.

It took the State to help them for the first few years to get them in the position they were in at the time of his death - help that their contemporaries appear to resent giving the current teenagers.

Tiddlywinks

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

....they were originally just a pair of teenagers, one who worked in a shop, one who worked as a handyman, both left school with no qualifications and got married as soon as nobody could stop them.

It took the State to help them for the first few years to get them in the position they were in at the time of his death - help that their contemporaries appear to resent giving the current teenagers.

Times change, it was a different era where extended families lived together and less state help in terms of benefits was available. Yes, social housing was more readily available but then the population was smaller.

Fast forward to today and, yes, I do resent helping those that have not been sensible enough to prevent their own misfortune.

The 'state' does not have money to burn and it is this 'indulgence' of funding those that make bad life choices that makes it difficult to fund those that actually deserve state assistance as there is no bottomless purse.

euronorris

iKennett wrote: »

I came from a bog standard comprehensive school, nothing special. Schools have come a long way with sex education since you and I were in school. Remember - the OP is only 2-3years older than my own brother so I very much doubt she lives in a sex education 'black hole' You take responsibility for your own actions in this world.

Whilst I completely respect your opinions I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

And I went to a private school, but it was still lacking in that area.

It's only been 13 years since I left school, so I respect and accept that the majority of schools have come a long way with regards to sex education. But I do not believe, for one second, that all of them are doing it, let alone a good job of it.

Besides, it isn't the school's responsibility. It's the parents!

And this is all speculation. The OP may have planned the pregnancy or she may not have, she may have good sex education or she may not have, she may not have used contraception at all in a moment of lust and with the common 18 year old attitude of 'it won't happen to me' or she may have used contraception and it failed, or she may used 2 forms and they both failed. We just don't know, so there is no point judging her for any of the scenarios.

I don't think there's any point judging at all. It's not going to get her into a place of her own, working and standing on her own two feet without relying on the government for benefits, is it? Only constructive guidance will do that.

ETA: Not to mention that some parents opt their children out of sex education entirely, as it is not compulsory, and some have a religious objection to it. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/ExamsTestsAndTheCurriculum/DG_10013877

euronorris

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

The 'state' does not have money to burn and it is this 'indulgence' of funding those that make bad life choices that makes it difficult to fund those that actually deserve state assistance as there is no bottomless purse.

I'm curious. What would you have them do when they are left with nowhere else to go?

(Yes, I understand that the OP could stay with her Mum temporarily if the 'state' didn't help her. I'm talking hypothetically here.)

I do think too many people rely on handouts, and in some ways, certain people are almost incentivised to stay on benefits rather than work and pay their own way. BUT....I believe that there is a LOT more to blame than just the benefits system for these problems.

Swans1912

euronorris wrote: »

And I went to a private school, but it was still lacking in that area.

It's only been 13 years since I left school, so I respect and accept that the majority of schools have come a long way with regards to sex education. But I do not believe, for one second, that all of them are doing it, let alone a good job of it.

Besides, it isn't the school's responsibility. It's the parents!

And this is all speculation. The OP may have planned the pregnancy or she may not have, she may have good sex education or she may not have, she may not have used contraception at all in a moment of lust and with the common 18 year old attitude of 'it won't happen to me' or she may have used contraception and it failed, or she may used 2 forms and they both failed. We just don't know, so there is no point judging her for any of the scenarios.

I don't think there's any point judging at all. It's not going to get her into a place of her own, working and standing on her own two feet without relying on the government for benefits, is it? Only constructive guidance will do that.

ETA: Not to mention that some parents opt their children out of sex education entirely, as it is not compulsory, and some have a religious objection to it. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/ExamsTestsAndTheCurriculum/DG_10013877

I've highlighted some of this in bold - unless there was some kind of divine intervention then she's got pregnant out of foolishness, doesn't matter the who/whats and whys. The girl is in college so isn't completely stupid.

What I will say, is that every morning when I go to work I drive past a new build estate which is full of single mothers and their children (we're talking 3,4,5 bedrooms). I can only wait and save up to buy a house like those, yet, they get handed it on a plate. It's hardly fair is it? So excuse me if I get my knickers in a twist over threads like this from yet another 'statistic' that bleeds me and the other taxpayers dry. No Daily Rag required, just what I've seen myself - and yes, I've spoken to these people myself, no shame whatsoever, they are 'entitled' to nice things. :mad:

Taadaa

ognum wrote: »

I commend the posters who have been sympathetic and understanding to the op, let us not forget this could have been us and may still be our children or grandchildren.

It is easy to jump up and condem after an event, so much more difficult to give constructive help and advice.

Having worked with the homeless I can honestly say most of us are just a couple of bad breaks away from not having a roof and the people we would usually turn to in this situation is our family.

For young people who don't have family support the going is tough, by the sound of it the OP has little.

Think back to when you were 18 were you really that perfect or did you just get away with it?

OP I am sorry you are in a difficult situation, try a conversation with your partners family, go to the citizens advice and talk to social services.

You probably will not be given the type of home you want but then all of us could probably say we want something bigger or better to live in thats just life.

Try to take advantage of any voluntary services if you don't have Internet access go to the library, talk to your GP and health visitor Good luck to you, your partner and your baby.

Exactly - l don't think people realise how easy it is to end up homeless. It happened to me when l had a 14 week old baby. Fortunately mum tool me in, but not everyone has that as demonstrated here. And as another poster has raised, it seems she is being more or less abandoned by her family at the worst possible time. Yeah she didn't have to get pregnant bla bla bla gawd knows what would have happened if you lot had ever encountered Mary on her donkey, probably would have entertained yourselves with a good ole stoning :rotfl:

the_cat

euronorris wrote: »

I'm curious. What would you have them do when they are left with nowhere else to go?

I think the state should fund accomodation at a truly basic level (in hostels or suchlike) No one should be on the street, especially a young mother and baby

But to subsidise their life to the extent that they can function for the next 18 years in much the same way as someone who works hard, perhaps on low wages is crazy and purely an incentive to do nothing for yourself, except produce more kids

sulkisu

Cyril wrote: »

I'm guessing there are religious differences. In outer London its highly likely and as we all know some ' communities' don't want shame on the family.

There is nothing to suggest that there are religious differences, or that this involves any particular 'community'.

More likely his parents are simply peed off that their son and his g/f have cocked up and (rightly or wrongly) have no intention of helping them to clean up their mess. And while I'm not sure that I could throw my son and his pregnant girlfriend out onto the streets, I do have some sympathy with his parents who having raised their own children, are apparently not keen to restart the process again. Babies are a joy and a blessing but they are also an upheaval.

tea_lover

I don't think it's the situation that has riled some posters (me included), it's the attitude. Of course accidents happen, and people find themselves pregnant in less than ideal situations. Families can be less than helpful at times, and work isn't that easy to come by right now. I understand all of that and genuinely sympathise.

What frankly p*sses me off a bit though is the ingratitude. The OP (contrary to her post title) isn't homeless, and isn't going to be homeless. She's been offered a roof over her head, and lots of advice about what her next steps could be. But it seems that whatever is offered isn't good enough and there's an air of entitlement in the first post that may have rubbed a lot of people up the wrong way.

euronorris

iKennett wrote: »

I've highlighted some of this in bold - unless there was some kind of divine intervention then she's got pregnant out of foolishness, doesn't matter the who/whats and whys. The girl is in college so isn't completely stupid.

This discussion is becoming circular. I disagree, I think there are who's and why's which could've effected this (especially if contraception failed!).

As you said before, we aren't going to agree on this one, so we'll just have to agree to disagree.

What I will say, is that every morning when I go to work I drive past a new build estate which is full of single mothers and their children (we're talking 3,4,5 bedrooms). I can only wait and save up to buy a house like those, yet, they get handed it on a plate. It's hardly fair is it? So excuse me if I get my knickers in a twist over threads like this from yet another 'statistic' that bleeds me and the other taxpayers dry. No Daily Rag required, just what I've seen myself - and yes, I've spoken to these people myself, no shame whatsoever, they are 'entitled' to nice things. :mad:

OK, firstly, one estate is not representative of the entire country. It is just one estate.

Secondly, no, it isn't fair. Some people do knowingly milk the system, and it sucks big time. I'm the same as you. I have to work hard to get the things I need and want, and my OH and I have postponed TTC until we are in a stable financial and living situation (a tiny one bedroom rented place isn't our idea of ideal - we'd prefer to own a small house, and I need to clear my debt first).

Thirdly, getting your knickers in a twist isn't going to change or improve the situation. It's pointless and counter productive. What will help, however, is offering practical guidance to the girl about how to keep herself afloat long enough to get back out there, make something of herself and contribute to society, rather than just taking.