The "I WILL be debt free" diary...

ladymay

Sooooo the BF and I broke up. It was totally mutual, I hadn't been happy for a long time, and last Thursday I was so tired and overwhelmed by things that I just couldn't stop crying, and he was a bit scared!! Anyway, it turns out he hasn't been happy either, but he's been afraid of hurting me, and we agreed I deserve more than hat he can give me. We're going to stay friends. Nicest break-up I've ever had!!

One of the reasons I decided to break up with him is because I've sort of realised I've fallen for a friend of mine, which is hugely confusing! I think I just need to be by myself for a while and figure out exactly what I want.

Anyhoo, I've been spending way too much money recently, so it's time to be boring. Well, not boring, but a lot more careful. My DFW journey is already long, I don't need to make it longer just because I have no willpower...

Family situation back home is still completely screwed up. After all the promises my Dad made, he hasn't called or made any contact with me, and it costs me too much energy to think angry thoughts about him so I'm just trying to take a step back and focus on other aspects of my life...

Like what the hell I'm going to earn money from in the summer :eek: I've got tons of experience with kids so might try putting up some notices in the area to try and pick up babysitting/nannying jobs - haven't babysat since I was 15!! Think I used to get paid £4/ph, hope the rate's gone up since then

Think that's about it. I'm feeling positive, if very confused, and I'm using Sunday as a sort of new New Year. The past six months have been a hard slog, and it'd be really nice if life could be just a little easier for the rest of 2012, not just for me but my nearest and dearest too

ladymay

Oooooh, I'm in a funny old mood this evening! I think the technical term is a 'funk'

I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's just that nothing seems certain at the moment. I just keep thinking so much about everything, especially at night. There's just so much to think about, let alone things that aren't even worth thinking about, like the fact I'd be six months pregnant right now if I hadn't had a miscarriage.

Mum can't pay her rent this month because of being on SSP, and she's asked to borrow money, and I really don't know if I can afford to lend it to her. It's only £250, which doesn't seem like much, but I don't know what I'll be working over the summer so I won't have a definite income coming in. But if Mum can't pay her rent... I know she's applied for some benefits but they take weeks to come through, and she's got so much on her plate, the doctor's signed her off for another two weeks and she's on anti depressants again. She had a breakdown when I was 12 and I'm just so worried it'll take just one thing for her to snap.

If I didn't have credit card bills to pay I'd be able to lend her the money, no problem. I guess this happens to a lot of DFWs, but every so often I get so angry with myself for putting myself in this situation, and now is one of those times. I can't/won't talk to anybody in my life about this because I feel so stupid for having so much debt, and right now I'm feeling the pressure.

It'll get better, I know, sometimes it's just hard to see where it'll end.

Sorry for being a Debbie Downer.

scubaangel

Don't be daft, life is never all happy happy, and this is exactly the place to come and talk about this stuff. We've all been there.

I hope you can make a decision about lending your mum the money or nor, horrid to be in that situation but you know you have to deal with your finances too.

ladymay

Thanks SA,

I feel much better just having written everything down, and I slept until my alarm this morning - can't remember when that last happened :j

I need to do my sums and figure out if I can lend Mum money, and how much...

ladymay

Wow!

Seeing as 2012 is half over, I decided to do some sums....

My new debt balance is *drum roll*

£14777.31

Which is still a lot, but I've knocked nearly £1000 off my debt :j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j

since the beginning of April this year.

I can't believe it!

I still have a really long way to go, but my O/D is almost back in the interest-free section, one CC is gone completely, another is on an interest-free plan, and the other 2 are manageable and I'm trying to put in more than the minimum payment each month, even if it's just an extra few squid.

I've also decided to stop saving for now. My O/D is £1500, and the first £1000 is interest-free, so the plan is to keep within the interest-free section and use the £500 buffer as a strictly emergency fund. Which sort of makes sense because it's the same or lower interest rate than any of my CC's, and I have the choice of leaving the money in my current account and saving myself 19.9% APR, or I can move the money to my savings account, earn %2.45 interest while paying the 19.9% on the O/D.

I know that sounds so obvious, but I need to trust myself that I won't spend the money just because it's there...

Anyhoo, I'm glad I totted that up, let's hope the second half of 2012 is just as successful.

Cheers! :beer:

scubaangel

Well done, doesn't feel like much day to day does it, but overall it soon mounts up!
Here's to an even better next half of the year.

ladymay

Sooooo,

Off to A&E this morning :mad:

I've had a piece of glass stuck in my foot for two weeks now, and now I'm having trouble putting my full weight on my foot. It doesn't hurt all the time so I've been trying to ignore it, but I rang NHS Direct last night and they told me it had to be removed

So a very boring morning ahead!

ladymay

I still have glass in my foot. I've got a hospital appointment on Wednesday to have it removed, so fingers crossed it'll get sorted. I'm sick of not exercising, especially because I'm eating just as much as I was, my trousers have started shrinking as a result

I've also got a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to try and sort out my sleep and digestion, both of which are pretty painful I'm sure both are stress-related, I'm just hoping they don't suggest pills or yoga!!

Speaking of health stuff, Mum hasn't been looking after herself, and she collapsed in the supermarket the other day. She's been diagnosed with diabetes, so she's on tablets and a diet plan to try and sort her blood sugar levels. She hasn't been eating properly since the split with Dad, so I've told her she needs to start looking after herself or I won't come home over the summer in a severe case of tough love. It's what she would do for me, and it feels like I'm the parent right now, so if I need to use emotional blackmail to make sure she eats properly I will!

Still in love with my friend, I'm seeing him Thursday and I think I'm going to say something :eek: not that I'm madly in love with him, because I don't want to terrify the poor guy, but maybe just that I fancy him a bit. Utterly terrified...

ladymay

Also, totally forgot to say - I've been a bit of a wheeler dealer this week!

Sold two of my old phones for £50 to one of the websites :j

AND re-negotiated my phone contract :j I was so annoyed with their customer service the other day I actually went into Carphone Warehouse and took out a new contract with a different provider. I then called the cancellations department to tell them I was leaving, and they offered me my upgrade early, and I now have the same tariff for £4.50 a month less, WITH a swanky new phone that I love already.

And to their credit, Carphone Warehouse cancelled the new contract, no problem, even though I'd already used the phone (hadn't used the new SIM though). Their customer service was so good I was almost sad to not be their customer any more!

I know £4.50 a month isn't much, but I'm really happy!!

ladymay

Aaaaaaand I'm back!

Wow! What a busy month! Between working, rehearsals, auditions, family issues....

Anyhoo, despite all of that, my debt is down to £14500!! Which means I've knocked over £100 off in just under 4 months :j:j:j Long way to go, but feeling positive.

Got my finals for a famous cruise ship company today, I've got to belt the shizzle out of 'Diamonds Are Forever' (fine) and 'All By Myself' (not so easy). I could really do with travelling around the world for 6 months to be honest!! Although it would be hard to leave the Isles of Wonder...

Oh! And foot update - the glass is now staying in my foot for all eternity because it doesn't hurt any more, and because there's scar tissue around it it won't move now. Hoping having a foreign object in my flesh will give me superhero powers. But no sign as of yet.