Relatives who are expecting too much!

whitewing

I think your biggest issue is that your wife wants to go.

I think you need to try and find a way of at least your wife going, if you can't all go. Even if you get an int free loan from another family member to make it achieveable.

I don't think your frustrations with her family are going to take her desire to go away from her.

If she didn't want to go but felt obliged to that would be a different matter.

Savvy_Sue

andygb wrote: »

She does want to go, definitely, and she knows full well that we cannot afford this at the moment.

Well, that moves us forward slightly. The next question is, how does she think this can be resolved? The way I see it, there are a few options for which I'd dearly like to do a flow chart, but failing that ... we'll have some either / or statements!

1. She agrees with you that although she'd like to go, it's not possible, and either says so herself, or gets you to say so on her behalf.

2. She agrees with you that you can't afford it, and works out a way of affording it, either just for herself or both of you, either by taking on some more work, further economies, or judicious ebay selling.

3. She tells her brother that she / you would love to be there but that at the moment it's not possible, and either asks if they will subsidise the trip if they want her there that much, or waits to see how much they want her there.

And so on ...

andygb wrote: »

She also agrees with me that they have constantly taken liberties with us.
I have also told my wife, that if we ever entertain them again, then we will do exactly the same as them - buy rubbish, cheap buffet food from the basics range at our local supermarket. If they want something to drink, then they can bring it with them, because I am fed up with half a dozen working adults rocking up at our "restaurant", expecting to be wined and dined, and only bringing one cheap bottle of plonk between them.

As for this, you have to remember that no two families work in the same way. Mine is dysfunctional, but in different ways to DH's. He thinks I'm crazy for doing x, y and z, but wisely keeps his thoughts to himself once he realises that that's what's happening. One of my siblings often goes completely OTT in the field of entertaining, and is then wiped out afterwards, but refuses all offers of help on the day and doesn't like suggestions put forward of buying in 'party food'. I think if the spouse in that relationship said what you said, there would be a considerable amount of friction.

Presumably your wife cooks like that because she enjoys it. She chooses to do it. She won't be happy if she's not allowed to do it. You have been warned ...

meritaten

oh andy - I dont think you understood my post! I understand how your wife feels about entertaining. No-one is ever served anything other than home-cooked food in MY house! It just wouldnt feel RIGHT to me! yet I am perfectly happy to eat Iceland/Asda party food at other peoples 'do's'.
It isnt a question of 'well I serve food I had slaved over - but they open a few boxes'! it doesnt bother me! Its my OWN ethic that MY house, MY party, MY cooking!
I dont expect others to have the same ethic!

now, you say your wife would like to go - any way she could go on her own? after all - other members of HER family are going!

That way - YOU would be happy, your missus would be happy and bro couldnt complain! win win situation!

andygb

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Presumably your wife cooks like that because she enjoys it. She chooses to do it. She won't be happy if she's not allowed to do it. You have been warned ...

#

Cheers Sue, all good points, but I have left this one to comment on.
I am not sure that she enjoys it, but rather does it because she thinks that is what is expected of her, and gets really stressed out about it when she is doing it.
She is a good cook (we both cook well:o, and usually enjoy doing so), but always ends up in a foul mood after they have gone home (and I am not much better).