Relatives who are expecting too much!

andygb

I suppose that we all have them - friends and relatives who expect too much of us, or constantly take from us without giving anything in return.
We have one such family, and their lack of sensitivity, arrogance and greed really is pushing me near to breaking point.
We have invited them over to our place for years now (at Christmas, New Year, Easter and other odd occasions), and my missus goes to a great deal of trouble preparing what could be termed a "feast", because that is how she was brought up. Over the past couple of years, their numbers have increased ( a husband and children ) to around seven people at any one sitting. However, when it is time to return the compliment, they simply put out a buffet, straight from packets, or order in pizzas, and make no effort to make a decent meal or offer to take us out to a restaurant.
It doesn't end with the entertaining either. We had to traipse half way around the World for one of their weddings (when I was unemployed, something which they were aware of), and it looks as though we are going to have to run off after them again this year, to one of the most expensive places in Europe I am once again between jobs, and my wife's job is uncertain). Our savings are at an all time low, yet my wife seems unable to "let them down", despite the fact that they have never helped us in any way.
I just cannot stand being around them any more, because I think that they are !!!!!!!!!!s, who will just keep on taking whatever is on offer, and will not give a thought about anyone else.
Sorry for the rant, I am just really hacked off about the situation.

arbroath_lass

Seems like you're the one expecting things not them. I'm sure they just think your wife enjoys cooking. Or they may not want " a feast" but feel expected to attend yours. Let's be honest if you don't want to knock yourself out preparing meals like that, why should you? Pre-prepared buffet items are usually acceptable in the home.

And if they want to go abroad for whatever reason that's also entirely up to them. They've invited you but you don't have to go. A "Sorry we can't afford it right now but we'll be thinking of you" is all that is required. You sound like you're saying they shouldn't go because you have no money spare - THAT IMO is selfish.

sparkle84

why dont you just say no! I wouldnt dream of ground half way round the world for a wedding even if I did have the money TBH

thorsoak

Well maybe its about time that you put your foot down and said "sorry, we cannot afford to do it this time" - instead of ranting here, let them know what the position actually is.

Some people need to have things spelled out in words of one syllable before they get the message - you and your wife obviously go to a lot of trouble to make them welcome and feel special - they probably think you can afford it all the time and just take it for granted. Unless you tell them, they will carry on the same for ever!

billa_champion

Do you don't HAVE to go to the wedding? Can you not tell them you cannot afford it! Why do you have to call them round on these occasions? Have you told your wife all this? What does your wife have to say about it?

lostinrates

Like your wife op, i cook, and i cook expansively, for visiting friends and family. Others in the family don't cook.....i would not expect them too.

Your wife and i could adapt and serve frozen sausage rolls or pizza, but i don't think it would make us any happier, so we have a choice, keep doing as we do, or change ourselves. You cannot really expect others to change, their circumstances and outlooks are different.

andygb

billa_champion wrote: »

Do you don't HAVE to go to the wedding? Can you not tell them you cannot afford it! Why do you have to call them round on these occasions? Have you told your wife all this? What does your wife have to say about it?

My wife agrees that they take us (particularly her) for granted, but she feels obliged because it is her brother. He is well aware of our financial situation, but keeps asking her if she has booked up yet (which we have not yet done).

londonsurrey

andygb wrote: »

My wife agrees that they take us (particularly her) for granted, but she feels obliged because it is her brother. He is well aware of our financial situation, but keeps asking her if she has booked up yet (which we have not yet done).

It's up to your wife to say "No, we can't afford it".
At the moment, she's left her brother wondering why she's leaving so late to do so.

IF the brother then responds with "You're really selfish to not spend the money on the tickets", THEN he's being a boorish git.

andygb

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Seems like you're the one expecting things not them. I'm sure they just think your wife enjoys cooking. Or they may not want " a feast" but feel expected to attend yours. Let's be honest if you don't want to knock yourself out preparing meals like that, why should you? Pre-prepared buffet items are usually acceptable in the home.

And if they want to go abroad for whatever reason that's also entirely up to them. They've invited you but you don't have to go. A "Sorry we can't afford it right now but we'll be thinking of you" is all that is required. You sound like you're saying they shouldn't go because you have no money spare - THAT IMO is selfish.

Your last point is absolutely ridiculous, because I could not care less where they go to get married, they should not expect other people to spend £thousands following after them.
You would have to be in their company to realise the pressure which they are putting on my wife.

andygb

londonsurrey wrote: »

It's up to your wife to say "No, we can't afford it".
At the moment, she's left her brother wondering why she's leaving so late to do so.

IF the brother then responds with "You're really selfish to not spend the money on the tickets", THEN he's being a boorish git.

That is exactly what I think he is. He is well aware of our situation but is using emotional blackmail to try to force her to tag along.

arbroath_lass

So she says no, we're not booked. Sorry we've looked but it is too expensive. Not sure how you would expect them to know if you've always gone AND you keep feeding them "feasts".