Real life MMD: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

Kavafy

Maat wrote: »

Wow, the sheer level of judgment on this thread (all from men) leaves me totally stunned.

It's not all from men. You've started by just making something up. Surely this post can't get worse?

Yes, logically the money is his. On the other hand, he seems to have been taking liberties with the relationship, assuming a closeness that you weren't sure about at the time. Typical controlling qualities, and oh so many men have those. You don't know who you are, guys, but I can give you clues if you're interested.

Oh, so it can get worse. Yep, what a !!!!!!! he was for taking her on holiday! What a "liberty" to take! Oh, no, wait: she knew about the holiday because it was booked in her name.

btw I admire you for even questioning this situation. So many wouldn't. Anyone who attacks you for this should be ignored frankly, I'm sensing 'alimony' bitterness here.

Please, just stop. This is embarrassing to read. 99% of the posters here should be "ignored", and only you with your sixth sense should be listened to. Right.

moxxy-girl

No you shouldn't and he's well shot of you for the fact you even considered it!

cloudwalker_3

No you shouldn't keep the money. His situation and yours are completely irrelevant to the situation. It's his money not yours and it's as simple as that.

I think some of the answers here, describing you as a gold digger and so on are pretty harsh. Having said this, they're a direct product of you asking a question with a fairly obvious answer.

I think the reason that you're asking it however is probably indicative of the fact that you're in a very difficult situation. Having been financial straits myself I can understand how desperate times sometimes make people desperate. This doesn't ever make crime right, but it does sometimes make it more likey.

Personally I'd use this experience as a wake up call.

Don't fall into a pit of despair. Recognize your situation as tough and come up with a plan to get yourself out of it. Having kids is complicated and make the situation harder, but there's load of stuff that you can do to better your situation.

Do home study or short courses to get more skills, as an unemployed person there are course available to you that are either free or very low cost. Then use these skills to either work for yourself of to get your CV looking better so that you can get a decent job.

Don't give up.

sailorchief

I tend to agree with Angiemul.
Whilst it would be very wrong to keep the money this chap might be glad to pay £1700 for what could prove a very lucky escape!
If you keep the money and he comes back to you, then you probably deserve each other! Rather glad I'm not that desperate...

bess1234_2

Maat "Wow, the sheer level of judgment on this thread (all from men) leaves me totally stunned. "

Excuse me! Im a woman as are many replies on this topic.

I do not justify stealing money from a man because I slept with him, because what does that make me?

Feminism happened for a reason and whilst the current fashion for peroxide long blonde hair, orange fake tan, and fake boobs is frighteningly like turning all our daughters into lookalike Barbie/blow up dolls , having the self esteem to not take the money was an important part of feminism.

IronWolf

Maat wrote: »

Wow, the sheer level of judgment on this thread (all from men) leaves me totally stunned. Although, thankfully not to the extent that I can't put my own view.

Yes, logically the money is his. On the other hand, he seems to have been taking liberties with the relationship, assuming a closeness that you weren't sure about at the time. Typical controlling qualities, and oh so many men have those. You don't know who you are, guys, but I can give you clues if you're interested.

The simple solution is to talk to the guy. Be open about what's going on. He already knows your situation, he already knows what you're facing, so tell him what's happened and suggest that you discuss it. In law you're entitled to keep the lot since your name is on it, in the realm of moral decisions you feel bad about that. The temptation is great given your situation, but you don't just wanna walk off with it when you know he has a stake. So see what he has to say about it.

btw I admire you for even questioning this situation. So many wouldn't. Anyone who attacks you for this should be ignored frankly, I'm sensing 'alimony' bitterness here.

So long as you're open and honest you have nothing to fear coz even if he demands the lot back you've still acted in accordance with the best motives and the highest principles. Maybe self esteem doesn't sound much right now but, believe me, it's all any of us really have in our lives.

What absolute nonsense. There is no "logically" about it, the money IS HIS, and it she is not "legally entitled" to keep it. End of.

If she doesn't give it back, he can take her to small claims court for it and will win.

JayD

Another 'dilemma' that makes my jaw drop!

Do you really need to ask what the right thing to do is?

You say:
" I'm unemployed with 2 young children"

would you like to that description to read:
" I'm unemployed with 2 young children, and a thief" ?


a situation he was probably not aware of, or he wouldn't have put your name as lead passenger at all!

It was HIS money - NOT yours - that paid for the holiday.
Therefore It is HIS refund NOT yours! So give it to him!

snottyotty

It is morally wrong.

[Deleted User]

Well, I dont think its fair. Just because the OP isnt lucky enough to learn a fortune like her ex-boyfriend why cant she keep the money. Serves him right for working hard.

Just because I didnt listen in school, couldnt be arsed, I cant get a job now. I could get more benefits by having kids but now I haven't got any money.

Fella down the road from me has got a good job. He works hard but its not fair because hes got a BMW and I haven't.

Why should he have a nice car and not me?

Aldahbra

drjustice wrote: »

Anther blood sucking mother ,when will you lot take responsibility for yourselves ,why should he support you and your sporn he has had a lucky escape from you lot.

Don't be too cruel she hasn't actually taken the money yet, she's just been tempted. She is a real person who is short of money and this temptation has been put her way.

It is not right for her to keep the money, but after reading this thread, I am sure she has already understood that.

If she was "Anther blood sucking mother" she would have already taken the money and kept quiet about it.