Am I wrong? *Rant*

tinktinktinkerbell

wild_rose wrote: »

Am I wrong?

hellllllllllll no!

i would be fuming at this! who does your OH think he is, its your house and dinner party too!

i hope you tore him a new one, it was supposed to be a dinner party not a party party!

jetplane

I find it incredible that anyone would suggest that the OP should accomodate her OH at all. Never mind cooking chilli, spreading the £15 and providing nibbles and enjoying a surprise party.

The OP & her OH arranged together (ie planned and agreed) to invite 4 friends that they haven't seen for a long time for dinner, they knew they had a budget.

Whether budget is an issue or not at which point does it become OK for her OH to secretly invite other people, whether he asked them to bring a bottle or a food parcel, or offer to cook, clean and prepare everything himself? Change the beds and make breakfast?

If he wanted to plan a surprise party then do it on a night where they hadn't made plans together. And then have some respect and don't invite people she doesn't like. If her brother wants to make amends then how would gatecrashing a night she was looking forward to resolve anything?

If this was about 4 friends having a catch up after a long time, what does she say to them? Oh sorry my OH changed his mind? He is not a child who has invited too many school friends to his birthday party !!!!!! he is an adult. And she had to look at his phone as he wouldn't tell her who he had invited.

I just can't believe how many people just say suck it up and bow down to your poor misguided OH, bless his cotton socks.

Sorry I think my rant is longer than the OP's :rotfl:

tinktinktinkerbell

jamespir wrote: »

what if hed have wanted to do it as a surprise party for you its seems people are so quick to judge

he could well have

a few thoughts though why did he

1) organise it on a day they already had plans
2) plan it when he knows they are skint
3) invite people his OH doesnt like, i mean come on HIS ex girlfriends MOTHER fgs
4) invite people to sleep over without checking it was ok

i would be livid if my OH did any of these (especially so 3 and 4) surprise party or not!

tinktinktinkerbell

jamespir wrote: »

they are married its both their home and both there income

yes, therefore it is up to BOTH of them not just him!

he has no right to organise something without tell her, just the same as she has no right to do so without telling him

pineapple

aneres wrote: »

I'd be annoyed but sometimes you just have to get on with it, and yes I would probably make him do the Chilli.

No you don't have to get just on with it. Apart from which there is a lot more effort to this sort of 'do' than just the catering. Plus - numbers and finances aside - it's become a beast of a different nature to what was planned.
OP I am incandescent on your behalf. Me I would be annoyed if just a couple of extra people were invited without discussion. I would arrange a separate meet up with the original four and leave him to get on with it. That includes shopping, cleaning, catering cleaning up...
If this causes big trouble in your relationship I wouldn't sweat. Frankly it's worrysome that you are even in this situation. If you get through this you need to have a BIG TALK with him about communication, responsibility and sharing.. Good luck!

Lance

To invite all those people, quantity and quality, in such circumstances and lie about it and then moan you looked at his phone to divert blame would suggest he is a very immature person. I would cancel the original four guests and then go out with the £15 and let hubby get on with it. If he moans tell him it's a surprise.

Nicki

pineapple wrote: »

If this causes big trouble in your relationship I wouldn't sweat. Frankly it's worrysome that you are even in this situation. If you get through this you need to have a BIG TALK with him about communication, responsibility and sharing.. Good luck!

Really? A row, yes, but you really think this is worth jeopardising a relationship for? You would SERIOUSLY split up with someone or divorce them over this alone, even if it happened more than once.

If this is the kind of thing which some people consider to be terminal rather than just a mild annoyance which will be forgotten by next week, I'm suddenly realising why there are so many single parent families and unhappily single people around. This might be something OH and I would exchange words about, I might be narked short term whilst we worked out what to do, but I certainly wouldn't even remember it as an issue by the following weekend, much less break up over it.

wild_rose

Oh thank God that others agree with my take on this...thank you ever so much.

I'm seriously thinking about cancelling the original plans as this has left a bad taste in my mouth (yes, I know it's childish but I'm not looking forward to it any more).

One of the biggest things which has riled me up is that me and our children have to be up early the next day to visit a relative, and I really don't want to:

a. have to spend an age trying to wake them up due to lack of sleep from the noise of the party the night before.

b. all 3 of us be stepping over people camping down in our house.

c. not being able to relax in the shower/kitchen due to others with hangovers making demands.

He's been trying to make it up to me this afternoon by brewing up and he's making me some snacks, but I've yet to hear him on the phone cancelling.

If it isn't done tonight then I shall be making phone calls...the ex-girlfriend's mum will be the first.

He thought that it would be nice for me to meet her as she's a nice woman....well so is my ex-MIL but there's no need in my mind for my OH to meet the woman!

tinktinktinkerbell

wild_rose wrote: »

If it isn't done tonight then I shall be making phone calls...the ex-girlfriend's mum will be the first.

He thought that it would be nice for me to meet her as she's a nice woman....well so is my ex-MIL but there's no need in my mind for my OH to meet the woman!

good for you!

is he serious?!?! :eek:

pineapple

Nicki wrote: »

Really? A row, yes, but you really think this is worth jeopardising a relationship for? You would SERIOUSLY split up with someone or divorce them over this alone, even if it happened more than once.
.

No I am not suggesting the OP run off and get a divorce over some uninvited guests. How silly! I am simply suggesting that the situation may well be symptomatic of underlying issues. If the relationship is strong and worth working on, the OP taking a hard line shouldn't jeopardise it.