Am I wrong? *Rant*

antrobus

jamespir wrote: »

what if hed have wanted to do it as a surprise party for you its seems people are so quick to judge

But...

wild_rose wrote: »

He is raging because I looked at his phone and is upset that he can't invite people to come over (we ARE skinter than skint!) but refuses to see why I'm upset.

... so I kinda think if that was the case, he'd already have come out with that excuse.

TeaCake wrote: »

He is an idiot, I would phone the 4 original people to ask if they could come another time and take a bottle of wine over to a girlfriends and let him sort it out.

Idiot or not, I like that advice.

Callie22

jamespir wrote: »

they are married its both their home and both there income

Then they should both discuss how it should be used and spent. Do you have any idea how much it can cost to cater for upwards of 30 people, even when you're trying to do it frugally?

The OPs husband seems to have invited people and not even asked them to bring a bottle - the OP was looking to spend £15 on meal for six people, not four or five times that much on food and drink for 30, and breakfast for some the day after. It's not a nice thing to do to your partner, especially as in most cases, the preparation, cooking and cleaning up tends to fall on the female half of the partnership.

I'm as sociable as anyone else, and I love cooking and having people over - but when I'm planning to do it for six and suddenly it leaps to 30 and I didn't even know about it then I'd be very annoyed, especially if I didn't have the cash to do it. It's an incredibly unfair and insensitive thing to do - fine if you want to play the host, but you need to speak to your partner first if you're expecting them to find the time and money to do it.

paddy's_mum

Callie22 wrote: »

Then they should both discuss how it should be used and spent.

Spot on! :T

One party decreeing what another, equal, partner should do is dictatorship, whether that be within a business, a marriage or a system of government.

Equality is a way to live not an intellectual concept.

Uniscots97

To the OP I hope you get this sorted out. Even if it was a surprise party there's no need to invite people you don't like. I'd be annoyed too about people being invited to stay over without discussing it. Whether you're married or not its a partnership and there shouldn't be secrets like that. If he wanted a party, why didn't he say rather than going behind your back? I'd honestly say to him he can un-invite the hangers on and tell them change of plans its not convenient and invite the original 4 people. Cook big pot of chilli, a few bowls of nibbles and some wine.

balletshoes

74jax wrote: »

I wouldn't mind this. If my OH wanted to arrange something like this is have just let him. Maybe he wanted to surprise you. He invited them, he can sort food etc out, I'd just enjoy the party.

I often invite friends over as does oh, if I invite I do all the plans and vice versa.

I would be inclined to just enjoy the evening with good company.

yep, all fine, as long as thats what the OP's OH was going to do ie sort out all the extra food, drinks, and bed arrangements for the folk who are now staying over.

OP was that what your OH was going to do? You wouldn't need to do it all instead?
eta - have seen your second post now OP - clearly he wasn't going to do all the organising for all the extra guests. So both of you would have looked like complete idiots when 30 folk turned up (some of them expecting beds too) instead of the few you thought were coming in the first place.

Sugardonut

Has he said he would supply food and drinks for everyone? I go to/or throw the odd gathering at my house all the time, but friends just turn up with their own drinks. If i'm paricuarly organised i might get a few bags of doritos and dips;) Maybe he not planning on putting on a full spread and buying in all the drinks and mixers? (it's a bit old fashioned in my book - reminds me of the days when i used to help my Mum put cheese, pineapple and picked onions on cocktail sticks :rotfl:

caeler

jamespir wrote: »

what if hed have wanted to do it as a surprise party for you its seems people are so quick to judge

Maybe but don't you see what a silly idea that would be too in the circumstances of being skint and there being no apparent 'event'? A nice gesture is only nice when all things are considered.

74jax

aliasojo wrote: »

You are looking at this from your persepective, not the OP's.

Are you financially comfortable enough so this would not affect you negatively?

I am in a position that this wouldn't affect me negatively, but I'm not sure what that has to do with the op's post.

Of course I'm replying from my perspective as everyone else is. We aren't in op's body to be able to comment for her.

She was going to spend £15 on feeding 4 people, her OH invited 20 more people so to me the £15 was going to be spread over everyone (probs shop soft drinks and some bags of doritos) and everyone brings a bottle.

I can't answer the question 'am I wrong' as some will say yes and some will say no. Ultimately it's whether the op is upset and her OH sees this and how they deal with it together.

aliasojo

74jax wrote: »

I am in a position that this wouldn't affect me negatively, but I'm not sure what that has to do with the op's post.

Of course I'm replying from my perspective as everyone else is. We aren't in op's body to be able to comment for her.

It has nothing to do with the OP's post. In the same way it is of no help to the OP to know what you would do in your position. Your position is clearly not hers.

You don't need to be in her body to look at a situation from her perspective.

Imo.

ALIBOBSY

To the OP I would calmly sit down with OH and say OK so you've invited all these people so what do we do you will have to decide.
Either he-uninvites them all and the original plans stand.
or he rings/texts around and says its a "bring your own booze" party and only snacks will be on offer (let the original group know what has changed and offer them to come to the "party" and a quiet meal say next month or say a BBQ over the summer. Then tell him to go out and get snacks/dips/soft drinks for ev1 for £15.
Say his final option is to do nothing and you will tell the 4 original friends is all off and will be taking the £15 and going out on you own leaving him to "host" all his "guests" with no food or drink.

If people stay overnight why do you need to offer breakfast TBH if they stay over when they get up don't offer anything except a brew. Most people would accept this and have something at home. See if you can pick up some knocked down cheap bread from the shops the night before and do abit of toast with the brew.

Did he know exactly what you had planned on the money front? Sometimes my OH because I organise the money/bills and cook the meals assumes there is a bit "spare" somewhere (although I do have my emergency ISA savings that is not to be touched for stuff like this and he knows it). He may not even realise how much things cost or how little money spare there is.

BTW not excusing him in any way, just saying how he may have seen things and then got a bit carried away inviting people.

Ali x