Relationship advice please....

Brighton_belle

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

I'm sat reading these replies in tears, I feel like I have been such a fool.

Well, first of all, have some (((hugs))) OP. It is hard hearing these things but it sounds like you know them to be true.
I think seeking counselling would be a really good idea to explore this idea that you don't believe you deserve to be happy.
I can't speak for anyone else here obviously, but don't for a moment think I have swanned through life full of self esteem and confidence. Not at all: it was something I had to learn about and develope and counselling was a great help in doing that. And one day, you'll be helping someone else to make positive life changes because of what you have been/are going through.
None of us are born wise and our expereinces are what we learn through. Be proud that you have realised you are worth more than you were getting and you have not left it too late. If you live to 80, you have 45 or 50 years left and look how much you will have learned from this experience. In a few years you could be happily re married with a beautiful baby, because of your courage now to work on your issues and value yourself enough not to settle for less.

pinkclouds

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

In lots of ways he's a really good catch - he's keeping the family home, has a nice car, good job, money in the bank......but it just isn't enough for me.

He is NOT a good catch.

It's only a "home" if there's a family in it. Otherwise, it's just a house. A good catch would be a supportive husband and good (potential) dad, who is stable and mature. Not someone who lies all the time and swans off down the pub to leave you on your own in an empty house. A lodger would have been more family-like than him!

You're not a fool - unless you let that man weasel his way back into your life!! You DO deserve to be happy. If you have a really close support network, as you say, then you are obviously a nice person who has been taken advantage of because you don't gain loads of friends by being horrid. You are wise enough to see what's happened and smart enough to call time on it. You are also strong enough to move on and brave enough to let your network support you. x

DKLS

Don't look back OP, before I met my wife I decided that I never wanted children and sought out a partner who believed in being childfree.
I met a few ladies who were convinced I would change my mind, but knowing I wouldn't, I refused to deceive them like your husband did and promptly terminated the relationship at an early stage.

His behaviour is despicable as he knew you wanted kids, you deserve better and to fulfill your dream of having children.

Maryland_Cookie

..................

stiltwalker

Having walked away from a marriage where my ex changed once he got he ring on my finger I can totally say don't feel at all that you haven't tried hard enough. My ex made all sorts of grand promises before we got wed over things that he was going to do etc etc, within months of being married he was slipping back to old habits - the wretched sloppy jogging bottoms and trailing round the house before going to bed early (and I mean 8.30/9 and not for any fun IYKWIM) Never wanting to go out or do anything other than watch reruns of friends and mythbusters (and boy how I hate those programmes now!) Walking away a few weeks before our 3rd anniversary was the best thing I've ever done, I now have a lovely partner who I'm due to marry in November and 2 beautiful children. I really tried for about 2 years, repeatedly sat down and tried to talk to ex and got nowhere. If you've tried for 8 years you have my heartfelt admiration, now you have my heartfelt good wishes for a happy future where you are loved and cherished as you deserve.

Voyager2002

Time to go, and no need for guilt.

Both of you know exactly what being married to each other is like, and it is not satisfactory for either of you. So you split; perhaps had a "light-bulb" moment; the chance to explore possible changes and find out ways to do things differently and make the relationship work. Even after that, things didn't work and you continued to be desperately unhappy. With that history, nothing is going to change (except that your chance to have a family will vanish before too long). So now is the time to move on with your life.

If it makes any difference, I'm a man.

the_cat

Ok, so you know that he doesn't want kids and is almost certainly lying about trying for a family just to win you back

But just for a moment think about what would happen if he means it..... you get back together and maybe, just maybe you get pregnant and have a child. A child which you acknowledge he doesn't want, except to keep you. The stress of parenthood will break many a relationship even if both parties desperately want one. How long do you think it would last when only one parent wanted the child and the other was left resentful?

Much better to stick to the split now and find someone who SHARES your dreams of a family. You and OH (err shouldn't you be refering to him as an ex?) will only make each other miserable

delain

I'm with everyone else, you're well shot of him I'm afraid. Either change your number or get his blocked, he's a manipulative overgrown child.

Four_leaf_clover_2

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

Met husband over 15 years ago, and have been married 8 years. Before we got married he said he didn't want to get married or have kids.

BUT - I feel like I've given up too easily on my marriage. I never thought I'd get married only to end up being divorced.

I just feel so mixed up and don't know what to do - should I give him a third chance? I'm late 30's so time is running out for me with regards to my fertility - so am I wrong just to want a fulfilling relationship without a baby?

Any help, advice would be appreciated.

I dont think you did give up to easily on your marriage. There have been issues in your relationship, regarding having a family, that have not been resolved in the 15 years since you met your husband.

Despite promises in the past you are no nearer to having the family life and baby that you long for. There has to come a time when you decide what it is you want from your life. I think you have realised that if you go back to your husband you will not ultimately fulfill all you hope for.

bear77

Hi hun,

couldn't read and run. I really don't think you have not given things a good try, more like you've bent over backwards and compromised your true desires for this guy. You deserve the chance of a happy, fulfilling relationship, and the chance of motherhood.

I'm almost 35 and feel like my time is running out too, and the thought that men have the chance to father children way later (without intervention) than us ladies have chance to be mothers... well, you need to put yourself first now. I wish you every happiness in your new relationship, and I'm sure you will make a fantastic mum xx