Relationship advice please....

flutterby_lil

If you go back and wait another 2 years for children, how would you feel if you then were not able to conceive due to age? I think you would regret it big time.

pinkclouds

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

I just feel so mixed up and don't know what to do - should I give him a third chance?

NO!

If you really want a baby then that man will never give you one.

Move on before the choice is taken away from you - fertility doesn't keep.

Maryland_Cookie

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Brighton_belle

OP, let's not beat about the bush: for 8 years he has decived you, not once not twice but how many time?? He has made at best very empty promises to meet his own selfish ends and at worst, deliberately lied to you and potentially taken up your fertile years. Unforgiveable.
However, If you return to him now, you are totally colluding in your own future childlessness. You will no longer be a viticm of his deception but a willing participant.

I think you are right, I think you did unwittingly get married under false pretenses. You have given him plenty of chances.

You have valued your marriage enough to give it several goes, how much punishment do you think you need to take to 'earn' your exit?
If you are still feeling guilt - go and get some councelling to get to the bottom of this and why you are tempted to push the self distruct button on your own future happiness and current happiness with new relationship.
Why would you even want a baby with your ex now anyway - he has proved himself uninterested in your welfare and not able to cherish and love you as his wife and life companion. What sort of father do you think he would be? What sort of husband when you are exhausted after 3 sleepless night and a sick baby?

It's a shame he has depression - but he needs to find ways to sort that out himself: don't get sucked in as a rescuer; he has history of sucking you back with [STRIKE]lies[/STRIKE] promising the earth.

System

Not having children would never be something i could compromise on and if you have half the maternal feelings i had/have you wont be able to compromise either.

Move on.

meritaten

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

Thanks so much for your replies - it is really helping me see things from an outside perspective and you are all right.

His mum and dad split up when he was a teenager, but he had a good and stable up bringing. The only reason he could ever give me for not wanting a baby was that he didnt want the responsibility, although couldn't quantify that in any way to me. He just used to say how could I want something I never had? And that he was happy with the way things were and what we had so why wasn't I?

We were very fortunate, had no mortgage, both had good jobs and money in the bank - no debts to stop us from me working part time to bring up a baby. All our friends and family have kids and we are god parent to almost all of them and he is great with kids. That was the hard part for me. That and the fact that he couldn't accept how hard it was for me not to have a baby.

You say we are ALL right - then post THIS? hun - this is almost painful for me to write.....you are making HIS excuses, you are thinking he is great with kids (not his own btw), he is godparent to every one elses kids - and it STILL hasnt occured to you that THAT is how he likes it?
and the most telling sentence of all - is highlighted in red.

A person who really loves you - wouldnt do that.

Maryland_Cookie

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pimento

What's the betting he'll be with someone new and she'll be pregnant within a few months?

Maryland_Cookie

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pimento

Why is he keeping the family home?