Relationship advice please....

Mely

whitewing wrote: »

No, your husbamd has had plenty of opportunity to make it work with you. Years and years.

Put your heart and soul into your new relationship.

OP...take heed of the above ^^^^ dont waste any more YEARS on your ex! He only has himself to blame.

mishkanorman

Think about what would happen if you got back together and did have that baby - would he be interested ? attend all the midwife appointments, help with the baby when they need feeding at 2am, teach them how to walk/talk/grow ? Or would everything be a constant battle of him holding back and you wishing he would be more involved. He cant even commit enough to agree to try for a baby (and follow that through) I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be in a relationship as a parent where only 1 of you wanted the child.

I dont think you regret the man you walked away from, just the man you hoped he would be,

best of luck OP, such a hard thing to have peace with but I for one think you did all you could.

Mely

Maryland_Cookie wrote: »

But he then told me he had changed his mind and WANTED to get married and have kids. It was only after we got married that he told me he had changed his mind.......I feel like I got married under false pretenses.....

You did get married under false pretenses, it was his fault. Move on and be happy!

NickyBat

What a sad story, get on with your life and leave him to wallow in his selfishness.

You've given him more than enough chances.

busiscoming2

Your relationship with your ex was wrong on so many levels. You tried hard. He won't change.

Good luck with your new man, you deserve happiness.

Pollycat

It's quite rare to read a thread where everybody agrees. :T

I think posters have said pretty much everything I would have said.

You deserve better, I hope your new relationship works out.

I would just say that if your desire/need to be a Mum is very very strong, do bring up the subject of children with this new guy pretty soon.
I would hate for you to start to build a new life with someone else only to find that he doesn't see children as a part of that life.

Seanymph

Why is he keeping the marriage assets?

He has treated you as second rate throughout the relationship - you pull an ultimatum and he pretends to concede to get his own way - then he continues to have everything on his terms having placated you.

This marriage, if you can call it that, was all about him - and you came a sad second.

Don't make the divorce all about him with you coming a poor second.

You are as important as him. What you think is as important as what he thinks. What you want is as important as what he wants....... and your contribution to the 'family' home is as important as his.

You always were as important, but he told you you weren't, and for whatever reason you believed him. Believe me now when I tell you you are. YOu deserve for this to be fair - it hasn't been fair, so you aren't used to it, he's told you for years that the scales are tilted in his favour and you've come to believe him. It will be REALLY hard to accept that he was wrong, and lying, because it suited him to be more important. But he isn't.

Don't catch onto that too late and lose everything you've worked for. Get hold of it - you are as worthy as him, as important, you have as much value, you deserve to count just as much.

neneromanova

He sounds like a Wonderful guy....Not. You are very lucky to have seen through him before you were unable to have kids with him or anyone.

But what strikes me most is that you say he is getting the Family home. Why the hell does he get to keep that?! Especially when there is no mortgage. He gets to live the life of luxury while you have to start again I'm guessing renting.

Think about it this way, When you do have kids, do you want to struggle financially to bring them up, or do you want 50% of the Equity of the marraige assets (which is what you're entitled to) and bring them up easier and give them all the things they want as they grow Trust me, kids aren't cheap :rotfl:

Good Luck

doodoot

Didn't want to read and run.

Promises not kept, no children, no sex...yeah, really sounds like a catch! :eek:

Perhaps he just wanted a wife to keep up appearances in front of others?

One of my ex's sounds like yours - didn't want kids etc.

We never went out apart to visit his mother...yawn.

Hardly any sex, no kissing...turned out he was a repressed closet gay and his mum kept badgering him to get a girlfriend! :rotfl:

Apparently he has another woman now...poor thing.

Lots of hugs to you and I hope that this new relationship works out just fine for you.

paddy's_mum

Brighton_belle wrote: »

OP, let's not beat about the bush: for 8 years he has decived you, not once not twice but how many time?? He has made at best very empty promises to meet his own selfish ends and at worst, deliberately lied to you and potentially taken up your fertile years. Unforgiveable.
However, If you return to him now, you are totally colluding in your own future childlessness. You will no longer be a viticm of his deception but a willing participant.

I think you are right, I think you did unwittingly get married under false pretenses. You have given him plenty of chances.

You have valued your marriage enough to give it several goes, how much punishment do you think you need to take to 'earn' your exit?
If you are still feeling guilt - go and get some councelling to get to the bottom of this and why you are tempted to push the self distruct button on your own future happiness and current happiness with new relationship.
Why would you even want a baby with your ex now anyway - he has proved himself uninterested in your welfare and not able to cherish and love you as his wife and life companion. What sort of father do you think he would be? What sort of husband when you are exhausted after 3 sleepless night and a sick baby?

It's a shame he has depression - but he needs to find ways to sort that out himself: don't get sucked in as a rescuer; he has history of sucking you back with [STRIKE]lies[/STRIKE] promising the earth.

Some posts deserve a thousand thanks. In my opinion, this gem is one of them.

OP - has it yet occurred to you that the only 'false pretences' going on in your marriage were those perpetrated upon you by a selfish, deceitful liar, who deserves not one moment of your guilt, concern or compassion.

I'll go further. This poor excuse for a man stole most of your childbearing years from you with dishonesty and cowardice and I find that totally unforgiveable. Do not be his victim any longer.

Start divorce proceedings, get into your own hands what BELONGS to you by virtue of the marriage itself as well as all your tears and start being proud that your long years of loyalty to a despicable swindler prove your worth not your failings.

I don't believe for one moment that his depression and unhappiness are genuine and I'd go so far as to suggest that if they are, there is some natural justice on earth after all!

Along with so many others on this thread, I wish you every success in the world.