How many chances do you give someone?

Scorpio33

BLUEBIE wrote: »

See this is king off what I am feeling If I knew he would learn this time, I could probably get over it again, just as I was beginning to alst time, but do I risk it again? If I had a crystal ball which told me yes he won't do it again, I would work on it, but with 7 + times of tellng him to finish contact I'm still in the same boat. Whats the odds on this time being any different?

and there is your answer. You know he won't change which is why you are asking the question on here.

If he really cared he would see how he is hurting you and see you are better off without him and he would let you go. The fact is he is comftable in the current situation, and he is thinking purely of himself.

So as I said, get rid, now.

You can do it, don't be scared.

BLUEBIE

Amanda65 wrote: »

No he doesn't deserve you!


If it were me (and this is only what I would do, no-one can decide what you should do) I would ask him to leave, initially on a temporary basis and tell him that he has to go to counselling with you and then MAYBE, at the end of it, you may consider re-building a relationship.

For me the writing would have been on the wall when it upset one of my children so badly that they had a breakdown . Do what you will to me but never hurt my children.

He has no where to go and we don't have the spare cash to rent a second place. This is now going to sound really awful but we did relate and I think it was week 4 or 5 in when I foind out he was seeing her again. All whilst agreeing with the counciller of how we could regain trust etc.

Scorpio33

If you are truely scared of leaving him, go to counselling.

Go to relate with him.

But relate (and all counselling) is just to get you two to communicate and to agree a way forward, it is not to save the relationship at any cost.

If he can't agree to counselling, you have your answer.

Scorpio33

BLUEBIE wrote: »

He has no where to go and we don't have the spare cash to rent a second place. This is now going to sound really awful but we did relate and I think it was week 4 or 5 in when I foind out he was seeing her again. All whilst agreeing with the counciller of how we could regain trust etc.

Let me retract my last post then.

GET RID NOW!! HE HAS NO INTENTION OF CHANGING!!

WestonDave

Out of curiosity, what is her current situation - is she still with her husband or has she moved out? I'm just wondering whether the solution to this is to go after the other end - i.e. get her contact details and send her a text basically saying that if you find any evidence of contact between her and your husband you will be straight onto her husband. That isn't to get at her per se, but to raise the stakes for him knowing that not only will he get in trouble but she will as well.

Amanda65

BLUEBIE wrote: »

He has no where to go and we don't have the spare cash to rent a second place. This is now going to sound really awful but we did relate and I think it was week 4 or 5 in when I foind out he was seeing her again. All whilst agreeing with the counciller of how we could regain trust etc.

Then this would be the final nail in the coffin for me - the guy really is taking the pi$$ out of you and your children. If he has nowhere to go, tough, he should have thought of that before playing away. Perhaps the 'mistress' would like to give him somewhere to lay his head?

meer53

BLUEBIE wrote: »

He has no where to go and we don't have the spare cash to rent a second place. This is now going to sound really awful but we did relate and I think it was week 4 or 5 in when I foind out he was seeing her again. All whilst agreeing with the counciller of how we could regain trust etc.

You need to tell him that he HAS to find somewhere else to go. Does he have parents/family who could let him stay ? You're making this worse for everyone by allowing him to treat you like a doormat. Get rid as soon as possible.

the_cat

So to him counselling is just another hoop he has to pretend to go through to get you to in his eyes 'shut up moaning and let things go back to normal'

Normal being him doing exactly as he likes, and you putting up with it.

You know what you should do. Now find the courage to do it. See a solicitor about the housing situation and GET RID

BLUEBIE

WestonDave wrote: »

Out of curiosity, what is her current situation - is she still with her husband or has she moved out? I'm just wondering whether the solution to this is to go after the other end - i.e. get her contact details and send her a text basically saying that if you find any evidence of contact between her and your husband you will be straight onto her husband. That isn't to get at her per se, but to raise the stakes for him knowing that not only will he get in trouble but she will as well.

Nah she has left, leaving her kids behind as well, she is a real piece of work, but I won't go into that here, she takes delight in texting me occasionally to let me know they are still seeing each other.

BLUEBIE

meer53 wrote: »

You need to tell him that he HAS to find somewhere else to go. Does he have parents/family who could let him stay ? You're making this worse for everyone by allowing him to treat you like a doormat. Get rid as soon as possible.

I begged his parents to take him even for a week or two last time, no doing, they don't have the space apparantly, which is odd to me as my kids would always have a home even if its just the sofa