How many chances do you give someone?

BLUEBIE

Just sounding off really.

If you look at some of my previous posts, you can see that back 2 years ago a mnay turned up on my doorstep saying my husband had been having an affair with his wife. Any husband denies anything intimate intimate, its was more kissing etc. I do beleive him on this point even if it makes me look stupid. Anyway he promised to end it, again, and again, and again and I would find out he was seeing her again, and again, and again. Fast forward I don't know how many times later and I find out he has been texting again. I know for variuos reasons that it has just been texting. However he knew this was out of bounds. But he is claiming he hasn't done any7thing wrong as it was just jokes etc. I'm pi**ed off as I made him promise no contact.

Now I do love him and I know he loves me, he is always distraught when he gets found out, well yeah!! We also have kids and the last time I said it would be the last time as my son had a breakdown with it all as obviuosley everytime I find out we row etc.

Half of me wants to stay because I love him and also the kids, but another side of me is telling me it is too damaging for the kids and I should leave for that reason alone.

Don't know what to do

Please be gentle.

I am also s*it scared of the future.

B

BLUEBIE

He also has mental health issues, which affects his ability to think straight sometimes.

tinktinktinkerbell

if someone cheated on me they would get no chances, they would be gone

System

I think its important they dont see you, their Mum as some sort of doormat.

sock-knitter

i wouldnt give a cheat a second chance, once the trust has gone, what have u got?

BLUEBIE

Judi wrote: »

I think its important they dont see you, their Mum as some sort of doormat.

See this is it, what am I teaching them, so do I put my feelings to one side and assume long term I will get over him. Also I have to say the trust issue is difficult enough, each time I get to the point of believing we are going to be ok and I start to trust again, he messes it up.

gingin_2

For me, one chance. If I was you, the husband would be out the door - he is walking all over you.

antw23uk

I do blieve in 2nd chances (heck even 3rd time lucky) but honestly .. I think you need to kick a**s and chuck him out.

You deserve so much more. This is your life and you only get one shot at it so make it count. Tell him to do 1.

BLUEBIE

Its very hard as he won't leave the house, and obviously I can't make him, so we are still doing things together, tea, washing shopping etc, and he texts me constantly, with kisses and love etc. I try not to respond but its a hard habit to break and I'm worried that he will break me down again.

jenhug

I'm a fan of the advice "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"

antw23uk

I think i would want to beat him with a stick until he left the property and then lock him out and change the locks. Him refusing to leave must be so frustrating and emotionally draining for you so i really feel for you. If he doesnt go he will break you down again, its just a matter of time because he KNOWS it worked before.

Really feel for you