more csa woes

vicster994

gingergee wrote: »

Totally irrelevent but, when i turned 16 (7mth preggers), i claimed benefits in my in own right, my mum flipped her lid!!!!!!!!!!!! she was raving!! So much so i moved out. All cos CB stopped (and family allowance as it was then). My dad and i had a great releationship then and he was relieved that CSA would end (80pw). he had a 2 yr old himself to support so made a huge difference. He gave me 20 a week, instead of my mum. She went even madder at this!!!! FF 13 yrs and my mum is on her !!! skint. I nursed my dad through an early stroke (48) and i have my younger sibling most holidays.
Im getting at things seem !!!! at the time, but they have an impact.
Yr SD mum has £££££ signs in her eyes without a thought to what her DD may think. I remember my mum going nuts and i wont forget. My dad was greatfull for me sorting my mums benefits out, as it helped him. Now i'd like to think im the kinda person who sees things from loads of angles. and the impact it has on each.
Maybe a chat with SD is needed. Explain the money is intended for HER upbringing. May make her more willing to help sort this awful mess out xxxx
Hope you sort it. must be sending you daft!!! reading stuff on here has made me never to want a relationship with someone with a kiddy!!!
PS what does QS mean? xxxxxxxx

Wow what a wonderful daughter you are to your dad.....he must be so proud and grateful. Yes I cannot imagine there are many mothers who dread their children coming of age and the reality of not getting money for nothing. It is so refreshing to hear that through listening to your mother spiting your dad you can still feel support and love for him......you have given me faith.xxxx

gingergee

I have thought and maybe commented somat similar in the past. But from reading some of the OP's posts, they are struggling with the whole situation.
I personally love the CSA. They can be mean where not needed but with me they did wonders!!
If the OPs SD was younger, maybe id feel different. But as i posted, poss agreeing an amount with the child/young adult would work better now.
But i get what yr saying xxxx

nicky3

Interesting point gingergee, it IS about the child, your dad gave you £20 quid, you were signing on, and if your mum gave you £20 you were probably doing just about right in your circumstances. Both parents contributing and helping you, as it should be. But your mother failed to recognise that things had moved on, and did stuff you cant now forget,because it was WRONG! My kids both need my support and I give it to them, my oldest is 20, trying to make her way in the world, and will, but needs my support meantime. Their father !!!!!ed and screamed for money from me when they lived with him, but dumped them when they no longer did. He tells them he cant afford it (has to keep his story about financial ruination by me alive lol) So he cant afford them, but he has a 3 y/o!

It is about doing what is right by the child, and if this child is out with her mothers care and out of education, she needs support, some money, yes, but much much more than that, not a parent dancing around cos she doesn't get child benefit and CS any more. Get the evidence from the child or the college and whatever crap the CSA are coming out with tell them to produce the legislation.......they sent me all sorts of crap including a legal definition of a child (LOL) , but never ever the legislation that they were relying on to scam CS (that if CB is in place, CS MUST be paid) because that legislation just does not exist. There are so many ways that CB can continue and it simply does not make sense that CS must automatically follow the CB, so she has 56 days in a 16 week period before she tells them the child has moved out, I would also guess that unless the child sign on, she probably is not obliged to tell that child has left college. A child benefit award has its uses, but it is not the be all and end all to evidence that CS must be paid. My appeal proved it, and even after I proved it with my appeal, the CSA droned on that 'there was no error' in their decisions LOL....total fannies the lot of them! Stick with it and you will get this mess sorted out. The mother needs to sort herself out and see what is going on here...

vicster994

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Firstly, it's I have written, not I have wrote, secondly It infuriates me that you are posting about wanting support to end, surely that is your husbands place as the child's father not yours. You just can't wait to stop paying can you.
What are your plans to support your husbands child after csa stops?

I think its about The SD daughter supporting herself isnt it at that age....damm right OH cannot wait to stop pay. I was working full time at 16 and my parents did not support me. Got a job and got on with it. I was never a child at 19

Why does it infuriate you, why should they pay if the SD is not in college.

gingergee

vicster994 wrote: »

Wow what a wonderful daughter you are to your dad.....he must be so proud and grateful. Yes I cannot imagine there are many mothers who dread their children coming of age and the reality of not getting money for nothing. It is so refreshing to hear that through listening to your mother spiting your dad you can still feel support and love for him......you have given me faith.xxxx

For their faults (we are human, all have them), they have both done good and bad. I just see it logically and from both sides. At that time, my dad needed the money to support his new family, whereas my mum was losing a dependant child. Love them both but got from a very early age, my mum was money mad. She is rock bottom broke now due to an operation going wrong. I top her phone up for her, and send her Asda cards if i now she is really up the creek.
Dont see them often as i live 300 miles away but would still walk over hot coals for them. Young uns twig on fast when things are happening. Maybe if the OPs SD can detatch her family feelings and see it through our eyes, she can come to an agreement that helps them all. Poor OP this had dragged on x

nicky3

Blackpool_Saver thats harsh!! The child does not live with her mother and is not in education....who in their right mind would wish to keep paying a parent that the child does not live with, its ludicrous!! It is the child who needs support, this is no longer CSA business, it is between the child and her parents....what the poster an her husband plan to contribute to the child as she enters her future is completely up to them

gingergee

Wasnt signing on, was claiming IS. The thing with my Dad was untill my daughter was born to help me get stuff. Point is, him, my sisters and step-mum needed that money more than my mum did. My mum couldnt see that of course!! I can be quite rational!!! Just think a family sit down is needed here. Its not fair on any of them x

vicster994

gingergee wrote: »

For their faults (we are human, all have them), they have both done good and bad. I just see it logically and from both sides. At that time, my dad needed the money to support his new family, whereas my mum was losing a dependant child. Love them both but got from a very early age, my mum was money mad. She is rock bottom broke now due to an operation going wrong. I top her phone up for her, and send her Asda cards if i now she is really up the creek.
Dont see them often as i live 300 miles away but would still walk over hot coals for them. Young uns twig on fast when things are happening. Maybe if the OPs SD can detatch her family feelings and see it through our eyes, she can come to an agreement that helps them all. Poor OP this had dragged on x

Well you have alot of wisdom for your young years, and its such a shame you had to leave home under the those circcumstances......xxxxxxxxxx

gingergee

Lol, trust me, i was a pregnant, hormonal teen!!! Thought i knew it all!!! Did everyone a favour. Now have amazing relationship with daddy and sisters. Me and my mum get on well. Got good kids etc. Feel guilty for being preggers at 15 but poop happens. Hope OPs family can heal once things are sorted. Tension is never a good thing xx
Glad daddy fully recovered from stroke etc x Looking back, its like i knew one day he'd need me and no hassle....we dont know whats around the corner and life is VERY short xxx

skibadee

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Firstly, it's I have written, not I have wrote, secondly It infuriates me that you are posting about wanting support to end, surely that is your husbands place as the child's father not yours. You just can't wait to stop paying can you.
What are your plans to support your husbands child after csa stops?

Very harsh and uncalled for!!!

After CSA stops...well QC will be hopefully in employment and supporting themselves.....the same as they would if both parents were still together!!!!