Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

Mistral001

Mojisola wrote: »

But they didn't get a cheap night out at your expense - they paid for what they had ordered. Why should other people pay for part of your meal?

But if I ate less than others, which I often did, I did not expect to pay just for what I ate.

I am talking about meals out for the night with several people. Waiters serving you for a couple of hours with main course and starter and/or pudding etc. If you insist on only having a starter and tap water, see what sort of evening you would have on your own at a restaurant ordering that. The waiter would probably put you beside the kitchen door and hover over you immediately you finished. A lonely meal lasting about 15 minutes with only a fairly impatient waiter for company.

*Louise*

I have found the perfect solution now for works nights out to avoid all this - nice Italian place nearby does 3 courses for groups at £18.50 per head. Tell everyone it's £20 (that allows for a tip) and then they all pay for their own drinks. Sorted

Newly_retired

I regularly go out for a meal with a group of friends. Inevitably the bill is split. It is never fair because some drink, some don't - because of driving, or it's the middle of the day and we don't want to; some have puddings, some have coffee.; some have everything going.

I used to resent splitting equally, as I rarely drink alcohol and normally avoid puddings, but have now decided to eat and drink whatever I want, more rather than less, if I fancy it. That way, I feel I am getting more of a fair share, rather than subsidising those who consume the most.
There was one time when I had to leave early, so I paid my own bill on the way out, including a tip. Tough, if it wasn't enough.
It is noticeable that it is always the same people who consume the most.

Person_one

Mistral001 wrote: »

But if I ate less than others, which I often did, I did not expect to pay just for what I ate.

I am talking about meals out for the night with several people. Waiters serving you for a couple of hours with main course and starter and/or pudding etc. If you insist on only having a starter and tap water, see what sort of evening you would have on your own at a restaurant ordering that. The waiter would probably put you beside the kitchen door and hover over you immediately you finished. A lonely meal lasting about 15 minutes with only a fairly impatient waiter for company.

Huh?

I don't think you really understand the point of going out for a meal with friends. Its not about bribing waiters to be sycophantic (most of them are perfectly polite whatever you order anyway), its about socialising with people you like and who supposedly like you. Sometimes its about the food, but it should never be about shaming your less well off friends or more frugal friends.

WolfSong2000

I dislike dining in large groups as inevitably someone doesn't pay their share and everyone else has to subsidise them...I'm another who drinks little if any alcohol and i resent subsidising people who've downed bottles of wine.

I remember once when i was 18 going to a friend's birthday meal...another friend had invited along her new boyfriend who, at the end of the meal flat out refused to pay and was very vocal about this (no reason was given - just that he wasn't paying). An argument ensued and the rest of us had to cover his meal as he was being a subborn s*it about it. I refused to attend any meals where he would be present after that.

Nowadays when I go out it's usually for a catch-up meal with my best friend. We each pay for our own, unless it's close in which case we split the bill...if one of us has more money than the other, we'll pay and everything evens out. E.g. last trip to the cinema I bought drinks, she bought a bag of revels. Everything evens out in the end

rita-rabbit

now I am part of a couple we eat out at our favourite local Chinese - just the two of us or I cook from scratch.
My partner is Hungarian & food is cheaper there so he finds eating out expensive and as we are watching the pennies as well as the lbs prefer to use that money for weekends away & budget holidays together! Neither of us are high earners & pressure with groups to `push the boat out' followed by splitting the bill & then generous tipping is something we don't want to get into any more.
Meeting one or two good friends for lunch is cheaper & less likely to cause expensive friction.

Mistral001

Newly_retired wrote: »

It is noticeable that it is always the same people who consume the most.

Perhaps this is the main problem the OP has identified. It is not easy to detect this until maybe the second or third meal. I came across it once in a very big way. It got to the stage where the offending person just ignored all the joking comments about his big appetite and people, including myself, just refused to dine with him.

It is always an option remember to choose whether or not to go out with a group of "friends" for a meal if you know that there are people going to attend who will habitually abuse the ocassion. In fact it is perhaps the only option if you do not want to have arguments spoiling a social ocassion.

For me when a group of people go out the default position is splitting the bill equally, unless someone has invited the rest as their guests and they pay for everything and the others bring presents and/or pay the tip. So someone saying "lets spilt the bill" should not have to be said. If it does have to be said then perhaps it should be the organiser who says it and hopefully they would have the sense not to have eaten the most.

KitKat00

I had this problem recently. I an on a budget and I usually have enough money for a main meal and if I have enough for more, its either a dessert of cocktail, not both. I let my friend walk all over me this week when my bill was 8 pound and hers was double and we split the bill with 12 each but I was too tired to argue with her. Although its annoying for people to hear how stingy you are being about how much you owe on the bill, they do have to take into account your budget and I suggest saying that before the meal just to remind them instead of at the end where they will be most likely to complain

Saturnalia

Blimey, I've never known bill-splitting to be a problem, even in big groups, and certainly nothing requiring a calculator! You keep tab of the prices on the menu (and usually the bill is itemised anyway) round each up to the nearest pound, then add on an extra quid or two for the tip!

Any shared bottles of wine, jugs of cocktails etc, the price has always been split by the number of people drinking it. I usually have the least (I'm a lightweight!) so I suppose I'm paying more for my share, but if that bothered me I'd order my own individual drinks.

And maybe I've been very lucky when I've gone out but the drinkers have always insisted on paying for their own booze so the non-drinkers aren't subbing them.

I honestly don't understand how it is at all complicated?

geoffky

ipod_killed_the_musicshop wrote: »

You're being taken for a ride.

Does the we can afford it make it any better>>:o