Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

PasturesNew

Carl31 wrote: »

i dont have this problem as i always assume we are to split

I want to enjoy my evening, not count pennies. To me, im paying for the food, drinks and company

But if you're the one spending more than anybody else... then you're not paying your way. You might be paying for the food, but getting some other sucker to pay for your drinks and getting the company for free... and if you ordered King Prawn dishes then you probably didn't even pay for your food.

Brighton_belle

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I hate when someone suddenly pipes up "lets pay for birthday person/hen etc". You can NOT say no. agree it beforehand amongst those affected if you want to do that.

Agreed - totally emotionally loaded and tending towards manipulative when sprung on people publicly at the end. And I never think the bride needs this - she has already won the jack pot by finding her soul mate and marrying them.

I have eaten out several times locally where the restaurants find it no problem to give everyone an individual bill what so ever and are happy to have our business. That way, when half the party are on low inomes, we still all have fun with no stress about the bill at all.

PasturesNew

Humphrey10 wrote: »

It's really really horrible to go out in a group for a nice meal, planning to have 3 courses and drinks, only for one person in the group to sit there staring at other people's food and drooling over it and looking sad while they eat bread and water.

People ordering just one course won't be doing that though, they'll be sitting and smiling and wondering how on earth one person can shovel so much in.

Humphrey10 wrote: »

And then everyone says 'let's just split the bill', everyone says 'yes let's!', and the hungry drooler says 'no, I am not happy on just making you all feel uncomfortable all night by sitting staring while you eat, I insist on making it worse by totally ruining your evening and want you to all remember exactly what you ate and how much it cost, to the penny'.

I struggle to finish one course, I wouldn't be a hungry drooler. I also probably wouldn't even like what you're eating so wouldn't be drooling and wouldn't be hungry as my main course would be enough.

Maybe you just feel guilty for your gluttony.

It's not difficult to remember the cost of one course, without alcohol. It's usually £6.95 or £7.95, so £10 will cover it.

Carl31

PasturesNew wrote: »

But if you're the one spending more than anybody else... then you're not paying your way. You might be paying for the food, but getting some other sucker to pay for your drinks and getting the company for free... and if you ordered King Prawn dishes then you probably didn't even pay for your food.

That doesnt bother me. Im paying for a night out with friends or family. To me its x amount for an evening out

The fact is, if i want the king prawns and ten pints, then i can. If i dont, and someone else does, then thats fine too

PasturesNew

Carl31 wrote: »

That doesnt bother me. Im paying for a night out with friends or family. To me its x amount for an evening out

The fact is, if i want the king prawns and ten pints, then i can. If i dont, and someone else does, then thats fine too

That might be fine for you .... but I couldn't afford to know somebody like you.

krlyr

When did "sticking to a set budget" morph into "eating bread and water, drooling at other people's meals in envy"? If we're going by OP's example, she managed to have an all-you-can-eat buffet, not exactly starving herself!

Carl31

PasturesNew wrote: »

That might be fine for you .... but I couldn't afford to know somebody like you.

well, im hardly a millionaire, very, very far from it

why partake in something you cant afford to do though? friends of mine go on holiday all the time, they ask if we want to come, i decline. I dont go, then spend a week sitting in my room as i cant afford to visit the attractions

Likewise, if im invited out for dinner, and it looks like its going to be out of my price range, i decline. Simple

[Deleted User]

PasturesNew wrote: »

That might be fine for you .... but I couldn't afford to know somebody like you.

but you could, you just would need to manage it right

At the start of meals, all you've got to do is ask if you could pay on a separate bill

Personally, i hate the awkwardness of it all, so would rather go somewhere with fixed price set menus and people pay for drinks at a bar. No one gets a shock at the end of the meal and those who don't want to eat much can just order off a set menu and no one will feel too bad about anything

poet123

Nicki wrote: »

That might be your default position, but I don't think I have ever been out for a meal where it has been suggested that each person pays for their own meal. Usually it isn't discussed at all, the bill comes and either person or each couple puts in their split of the bill, or in a smaller group who socialise together often, one couple will pay the whole bill, with the expectation that the next time we go out the other couple will do so.

I wouldn't particularly mind if I was out with family or friends and someone asked whether we could split the bill according to what they have had, but in a slightly larger group I'm afraid I probably wouldn't notice if one person had a cheaper main than another or if one person had one glass of wine from the bottle and another had three, so it wouldn't really occur to me to suggest off my own bat that that person should pay less. If I was in a small group though, I'd tailor my order to fit in with what everyone else was doing - I wouldn't be the only person at the table having a starter or dessert, or the only one to have a glass of wine, so I don't think a madly disproportionate bill would arise.

Me either, we never even discuss it and certainly none of us police the orders to see if someone has had more of anything.

I can think of one occasion at a dinner with some very old friends and the wine had to be paid for at the table. I paid by card and said I would let everyone know by email later how much they owed. There were four couples and I sent an email round to tell everyone what I had paid and divided it by four. I got an email back from one of the couples saying that as her husband had only had two glasses of wine she felt that the bill should be split seven ways not eight!! Bear in mind I had already paid the bill and sent out the amount due to everyone. She knew that, and knew that I wouldn't go back to them and ask for more, so that I would bear the increased cost myself. I reduced their amount by half and took the hit.

I have not been out with them socially since.

PasturesNew

Carl31 wrote: »

well, im hardly a millionaire, very, very far from it

why partake in something you cant afford to do though? friends of mine go on holiday all the time, they ask if we want to come, i decline. I dont go, then spend a week sitting in my room as i cant afford to visit the attractions

Likewise, if im invited out for dinner, and it looks like its going to be out of my price range, i decline. Simple

Somebody who has brought enough money to pay their way CAN afford it. What I couldn't afford to do is carry you.

If people can't afford to pay their own way - THEY should be the ones not going.