14 year old daughter having sex...what the hell do i do??? :-(

sassyblue

Don't know if it's been mentioned (l read through quickly) but l also think you and your ex should have a chat and make sure however you're going to approach this you're both 100% behind it.

Won't be any good if he goes against what you're advising her.....

double_mummy

my sil is 17 now but started at 14 when we found out i sat down with her and asked if she wants to keep having sex she said yes (obviously) so that afternoon we went to brook and got long term contraception for her (the implant) we also have condoms around the house lots in the bathroom and in her room. her sex life is now discussed among the family (as is mine with her brother - nothing graphic but lots of 'oh hes tired i wonder what you were up to' etc)

sex is something that needs to be as normal to talk about as what she wants for dinner and the more you can talk about it the safer you can make sure she is

if you cant talk to her is there anyone else she can confide in? (my SIL talks to me a lot more than she does her mum) an aunty or close family friend who can assure you shes okay but if she doesnt want to talk to you at least there is someone there

there is no way you are going to stop her now so all you can do is get it out in the open and make sure she is as safe as she can be

Lunar_Eclipse

TheConways wrote: »

I have no kids incidentally, but I do remember what it was like being a teenage girl, and this is how I wish my mum had managed me when we fought.

An outstanding post Conways. I think this is excellent advice.

My first priority would be a conversation with my daughter (sorry I found the note as I was changing your bed) so any anti-pregnancy action could be taken asap.

I would put the boyfriend on the back burner for now.

redpete

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I would put the boyfriend on the back burner for now.

Gas or electric hob?

pinkshoes

If she's old enough to be having sex, then she's old enough to discuss it with you like an adult. You need to discuss contraception, and her risk of catching STIs from unprotected sex. I beleive the % of under 25s with an STI is alarmingly high!!

If she won't discuss it, then I'd tell her that it's her choice, but if she's not grown up enough to discuss it, you'll be going over to discuss it with her boyfriends parents instead.

I might also remind her that as she's a minor, her BF could get in a LOT of trouble.

SmallL

There is not right way to go about things im afraid!
Unusually when i started having sex with my boyfriend at 15 i was never given the 'talk', they gave me room to sort my own life out and trusted me to be safe (iv always been on the mini pill for medical reasons).
Whilst the 'no interference method' won't work for everyone it worked for our family and im still with my first partner 5 years on, and i really appreciate that there was no 'talk' or 'awkwardness' earlier on in our relationship!
Also he was the minor for approx 2 weeks ( i turned 16 before him) i still make jokes about it to this day-Toy boy!! :P

Padstow

I'll remind you of a previous thread relating to this.

I said "A boyfriend at fourteen is sexual, like it or not, it's sexual. "

I wasn't allowed to say that, in fact "dirtysexymonkey" said I had no morals!

sassyblue

Padstow wrote: »

I'll remind you of a previous thread relating to this.

I said "A boyfriend at fourteen is sexual, like it or not, it's sexual. "

I wasn't allowed to say that, in fact "dirtysexymonkey" said I had no morals!

This forum is full of gems, l made 4 polite posts in a thread of 50 over the last week, where posters disagreed with me - and was accused of bullying today! :cool:

ikati5

As the parent of 3 girls, 23, 22 and 15, I know your pain!! The best advice I can give you is no amount of supervision will fix the problem, where there's a will and forbidden fruit etc..

Conexxions are your friend, advice for 13 to 19 year olds in all things including sex, they will dole out morning after pills, condoms and std advice, and the offending teenager usually speaks to them.

You can't change the past, you can only shape the future, hang on it's a bumpy ride!

LadyMorticia

I agree with a majority of the other posters but not sure if anyone has mentioned this:

It might be important to also find out how she's emotionally feeling. Your first sexual experience can be quite traumatic, especially if you're young too, no matter how much you think you're ready or know all about it.