When is a teenager old enough to go on the train alone?

balletshoes

daisiegg wrote: »

Ok, I just wanted to get some outside opinions to kind of help me decide whether it's worth me pushing an issue or not.

Do you think a 15 and a half year old is old enough to travel on a train from Manchester to London on their own, if they are put on by a parent at one end and met by a parent at the other, and have an assigned seat in a first class carriage? The train only stops once along the way.

Said teenager regularly uses public transport in and out of Manchester including going to gigs late at night with no adult supervision, riding buses at midnight (which I personally would NOT let a 15 yr old do!) etc, and has done the Manchester-London journey multiple times before with an adult.

yes of course they should be able to do that at that age - but how is "pushing the issue" going to help?

daisiegg

balletshoes wrote: »

yes of course they should be able to do that at that age - but how is "pushing the issue" going to help?

If I could help OH get a couple of extra nights sleeping in his own bed every now and then it would be worth an uncomfortable initial conversation.

daisiegg

nearlyrich wrote: »

A friend of mine has been with a guy almost 10 years they live together in a house they have bought together but she has never met his children who live with Mum (his Ex) a good 4 hour drive each way. He goes every weekend and stays in the family home for at least one night. I am not convinced the kids know their Dad and Mum are divorced maybe they think he works away during the week? Nor saying that is the case with OP but there are some very strange things going on in the world of separated parents and not all of them are good for the children....

There is no danger of this - but what a worrying scenario for your friend! Being with someone for ten years and never meeting his children?! I met OH's daughter 2 months into the relationship and have been seeing her regularly, including taking summer holidays abroad together, since.

nearlyrich wrote: »

As for the original question the girl is definitely old enough to do a very safe journey I let my son go to Glasgow on his own on a train, being met at the other end before kids had mobiles and he was 13 the first time. You have to let them go a bit at a time but the OP knows this, the Mum could be using the situation to control the Dad or she could be fearful of letting go either way Daisy you should keep your thoughts to yourself now however well meaning, the poor guy is not only exhausted but trying to keep all sides happy? Not easy is it? Good Luck....

I suppose you're right. But I'm genuinely only thinking of him - I am so accepting of his situation and do my absolute utmost to not put any pressure on him. I know lots of women wouldn't be able to put up with it (it's one of the reasons his last relationship ended - he has had one other girlfriend between his daughter's mum and me) and I do my best and support him and take care of him and don't put pressure on him or harangue him about the situation...but I can see how much of a strain it puts on HIM to do all this travelling. If it was a case of them needing to spend alone time together without me there I'd go and stay with my mum or a friend for the weekend while she came to visit! I'd just love it if, every once in a while, he could have two consecutive weekends in his own home. And there's such a simple solution that could make that happen.

balletshoes

daisiegg wrote: »

If I could help OH get a couple of extra nights sleeping in his own bed every now and then it would be worth an uncomfortable initial conversation.

i totally understand that, but it seems to be your OH who is putting up the barriers too - he'd rather (for whatever reason)drive and spend the weekend with his DD than have her travel to your home and spend her access time with her Dad there.

yes, I'd say go with the DD and her bf/a friend coming up by train for Easter, and then go on from there.

lucinad

my cousin and I did a train journey from south of france to norfolk changing along the way at 15 and 16 yrs old. we were absolutely fine and i still remember lots of that journey today (was 20 yrs ago) i think she would be completely fine but i think there may be more to this situation, as you say she isnt wrapped in cotton wool at home, being allowed to travel alone around the city at all hours, the train journey you suggest sounds safer than the journeys currently allowed to do so i think there is more to this than meets the eye....how is the mums relationship with you? maybe she prefers her daughter to see her dad away from you and uses that as an excuse, i think we all have experience/knowledge of exes being difficult for the sake of it

daisiegg

I am starting to feel uncomfortable discussing this and about the amount of identifiable information I'm posting so I'm going to stop. I hope I have been fair to all parties concerned, I know it can't be easy being a single mother and having a relationship end with someone you loved and thought you'd be with forever (even if it was 8 years ago) so maybe in her position I wouldn't be bending over backwards to make the ex's life any easier either. She's a good mum and works very hard and ultimately I suppose just has the best interests of her daughter at heart - I guess from her POV it's "why should my daughter have to travel all that way to see her dad when he's the one who decided to move away? let HIM do the travelling" and that's fair too.

My fiance is an amazing guy and a fantastic, dedicated dad and I think I just need to continue to support him in that however he chooses to go about it. I do find it frustrating and upsetting to see how tired and stressed he is but I suppose I need to just focus on the little day-to-day things I can do to help him rather than push at changing something that they've been doing for 5+ years.

Thanks for the opinions - it's helped me think through it a bit more!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Just to be different, my eldest theoretically took DD2 to see her father last summer. It involved two buses, the second of which stopped at the bottom of his road. If she's done the route once, she's done it a thousand times by both bus and car.

It actually turned out that DD2 took DD1 to see him, as the eldest quite simply did not have a clue. She didn't know what the area was called (despite it being told to her repeatedly for several years), refused to ask the bus driver when to get off (and stopped DD2 from doing so) and managed to miss the stop named after the ex's road. She then didn't have a clue what to do when the bus terminated. And wouldn't phone anyone to ask for help.

DD2 apparently swore at her (gotta love 12 year olds), marched across the road to where there was a bus on its stand, asked the driver where they were and dragged DD1, protesting all the time, the 400yds down the road to the stop, where she marched her down to the exs and DD1 had to lie down for 2 hours because of the trauma. I can't imagine what would have happened had the route been changed for roadworks or the bus had broken down.

She just has zero sense of direction and relies on her boyfriend to accompany her everywhere.


I'd trust DD2 to travel the world; I worry about DD1 getting lost on her way to the bathroom.


And DD1 was 18 at the time.

Emmzi

Oh could change contact arrangements
OH could find a job with less travel albeit he may need to adjust to a lower income

He hasn't done either. Therefore he doesn't want to do either.

For the sake of a couple more years after all this time I would leave well alone. No one likes the meddling new stepmum.

jjblondie

My sister, who just turned 16 recently, flew out to Germany to visit me last week by herself. Unless your child is very irresponsible, I don't see why they couldn't have managed that journey aged 12. If they are being picked up at the other end it is no different to them being taken to and picked up from any other place in the world if there are no changes - they just have to sit there.

duchy

You are approaching this all wrong-logic has nothing to do why things are the way they are.
What is needed is for the fifteen year old to want things to change.
As your OH has the journey anyway-mix things up a bit-have him "Go and get her" and bring her to your city. At fifteen it may very well prompt a discussion from her with her father about how she's too old for this chaperoning/babysitting -and let her take those discussions back to her mother -Although there is another possibility that the girl simply doesn't want to travel to London because of YOU and these are merely excuses-at 15 stepmothers are "competition" even without resentment about a child's failed marriage. No offence to you daisy I'm sure you're lovely but especially if you are younger than his ex she may just not want you muscling in on her relationship with her Dad and everyone is "protecting" you as well as pandering to her wants.

As for the woman who has never mether partner's kids in ten years -alarm bells are ringing. I admit I refused point blank to allow the OW anywhere near my six year old (I knew her pretty well -we'd both worked with her and I knew she was vocal about hating kids)-she wanted our son around as a symbol she had a relationship with my husband (and was claiming she had got together with him after been his "friend" when we split-omitting the fact I had left him AFTER I discovered him cheating with her) however once he kicked her to the kerb I had no problem with our son meeting his subsequent girlfriends once a relationship was established. Ironically this child hater is now married to someone else and has kids and looks a wreck -I'm just waiting for karma to kick in and Andrea to be in MY situation-Karma is a wonderful thing ) If the woman was NOT the other woman then maybe it's not just the kids who think he works away !!!

Frankly I can't think of many 15 year olds who wouldn't want to travel to London -I love Manchester but at that age London has a certain glamour that Manchester can't match.