When is a teenager old enough to go on the train alone?

macman

Well, since in just 6m time he'll be able to legally: have sex, get married with your consent, leave school, drive a moped, join the army, drink alcohol (with food) in a pub, and myriad other adult 'freedoms', I would have thought that it's about time you started cutting him loose a bit.

CH27

I think you need to keep out of it.
You've told him your views & now you have to let him sort it out for himself.
Pressuring him about it could make him even more hassled & stressed.

FBaby

OMG I feel for your partner, i really do. How callous of the mum to use the excuse of her DD of being too young to travel on her own at that age. Unless she has learning difficulties, or she herself doesn't feel comfortable with it (after all, that is the main factor), her position is very selfish.

I also do all the transport on the basis that I've moved 1/2 hour drive away.... I struggle to get any maintenance, so it's my costs in addition to paying for all their living expenses. He also wants to see them weekly, so it's two hours journey every week. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to travel 2 hours every day for work (in the exact opposite direction).

I don't yet whether he might have an issue with my suggestion of them getting on the train or not. He does let our 9 yo walk alone to the shops in the mornings, so surely that's not much different.

I used to travel on a 4 hours train journey to go and see my dad when I was just 8. I was fine with it. The only time I got scared is when my dad wasn't at the station after 10 minutes. There were no mobiles at the time and I had no money. Thankfully, the guard looked after me until my poor dad who'd been delayed in traffic made it all fluttered. Now with mobiles, it makes it even more easy for children to travel safely.

Did you fiance actually justified the reason why she doesn't think it is reasonable beyond citing the age (which is ridiculous in itself)?

daisiegg

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Are you sure that it's the ex who's against this? Maybe his DD likes having her dad to herself for these weekends and Mum is helping her to protect this time?

Possibly but unlikely as I often go up with him. And when she comes here, they still go out without me and do things on their own so I think she knows that that would continue to happen.

fluffnutter

Thanks, daisiegg. Time for the daughter to do the journey on her own. She's on board with the idea, so perhaps it's best if it comes from her? Can she persuade her mum to let her? If your OH is used to caving in to his ex, then perhaps she won't take him seriously. But if her daughter keeps nagging her, then that might work. TBH, if I were the daughter, I'd just say 'I'm going to Dad's this weekend and I'm going by train. He's bought me a ticket and will meet me at the station. Deal with it'.

But you are right in two ways: a) she's old enough to make the journey alone and relieve your fiance of his exhausting burden, and 2) there's not much that you, as the partner, can do to change anything.

One thing he could always suggest... you stay in London, and his ex drives the 8 hour round trip to drop her daughter off at yours for the weekend. Why should it always be her dad that's running around the country all weekend? If mum doesn't want her getting the train alone, then she can share the burden of the trip. Seems fair to me

daisiegg

macman wrote: »

Well, since in just 6m time he'll be able to legally: have sex, get married with your consent, leave school, drive a moped, join the army, drink alcohol (with food) in a pub, and myriad other adult 'freedoms', I would have thought that it's about time you started cutting him loose a bit.

Read the whole thread. It's not ME that needs to do any cutting loose.

onlyroz

This is a 15 year old. In less than a year they can leave home and get a job, get married, etc etc. I think that whoever is preventing this needs to get a grip.

I was travelling around on buses on my own by my early teens, and from about age 11 when with friends. Trains should surely be even safer than buses because they've got staff wandering up and down them all the time. Stations are also big places with plenty of staff. Even if something did go "wrong" (e.g. cancellation, delay etc) there would be plenty of people around to ask for help.

daisiegg

fluffnutter wrote: »

Thanks, daisiegg. Time for the daughter to do the journey on her own. She's on board with the idea, so perhaps it's best if it comes from her? Can she persuade her mum to let her? If your OH is used to caving in to his ex, then perhaps she won't take him seriously. But if her daughter keeps nagging her, then that might work. TBH, if I were the daughter, I'd just say 'I'm going to Dad's this weekend and I'm going by train. He's bought me a ticket and will meet me at the station. Deal with it'.

But you are right in two ways: a) she's old enough to make the journey alone and relieve your fiance of his exhausting burden, and 2) there's not much that you, as the partner, can do to change anything.

One thing he could always suggest... you stay in Manchester, and his ex drives the 8 hour round trip to drop her daughter off at yours for the weekend. Why should it always be her dad that's running around the country all weekend? If mum doesn't want her getting the train alone, then she can share the burden of the trip. Seems fair to me

I suppose because it's him that ended the relationship (although the relationship wasn't working for ages and really, would never have been a long-term relationship in the first place if they hadn't fallen pregnant) and also him that decided to move down south for work so I think he's always felt guilty and that he has to do all the running around. I don't think he realises how unusual what he does is.

FatVonD

Simple then, OP, you need to find something your SD is desperate to do in your home town (her favourite band playing a gig?) that means she needs to be there rather than her home town.

daisiegg

FatVonD wrote: »

Simple then, OP, you need to find something your SD is desperate to do in your home town (her favourite band playing a gig?) that means she needs to be there rather than her home town.

He'd do the 8 hour round trip to pick her up!