“I get to do what I want to do on a weekend”

Wickedkitten

Right now you are pretty much in the position of nanny / housekeeper so personally I think you need to stop doing everything for him. If he can't manage to sort out his washing during the 5 days that he is away with friends who no doubt have washing machines and irons, then why should you have to sort out an entire second set of clothes for the ungrateful wretch and spend your week doing his washing?

sparrer

Very difficult to be neutral, and imho unfair to be judgemental, without hearing the husband's opinion. There are two people involved but have only heard one persons gripes. Hopefully they are still talking and there will be a fair outcome all round, especially as there is a LO in the midst of it.

CH27

Did you resolve things Mildred?

Peater

Think he needs a reality check tbh.

He is pretty much living the single-life away where he can be completely and utter self-centred, and why not. When he comes home, he sees it as a burden to have to consider you and your child and see's his weekends as a time where he should be able to come home and relax. I can relate to that, but it's not right.

Also, i would agree that there is a mutual resentment. He thinks you 'should' look after the home as your a SAHM and that he goes out and provides for you. You think he doesnt pull his weight when he's home and that he's off 'galavanting' all week.

In an ideal world, he wouldn't work away and would live with you 7 days a week. I think things would be different then.

The FACT is, he's a Dad and a husband and has responsibilities (albeit mundane) that he needs to fufill. He needs to face up to it.

mildred1978

CH27 wrote: »

Did you resolve things Mildred?

We're getting there.

mildred1978

Tuesday_Tenor wrote: »

Just at the moment it's the OP who's been away seeing friends during the week.

Erm, my husband was also away Monday to Friday. It was half term, so LO and I took the opportunity to go and visit some friends. Hardly the crime of the century, and a reasonably nice break to be somewhere different with someone who understands the stresses of being primary carer for a child all week.

jellyhead

mildred1978 wrote: »

We're getting there.

Fingers crossed it was just a bad weekend and things will improve for you both

I think the idea of him having 2 sets of clothes was a good one, it would mean you could wash at your leisure, and you two could spend baby's nap time together at the weekends.

CH27

mildred1978 wrote: »

We're getting there.

That's good:)

duchy

mildred1978 wrote: »

Erm, my husband was also away Monday to Friday. It was half term, so LO and I took the opportunity to go and visit some friends. Hardly the crime of the century, and a reasonably nice break to be somewhere different with someone who understands the stresses of being primary carer for a child all week.

I understand that BUT to your husband you were off on a jolly whilst he was working.

My ex worked incredibly stupid hours and come the weekend wanted to relax and recharge too and I was either working part-time or a SAHM and was bloody resentful he didn't seem to WANT to do family stuff with me and our LO.

It is tough to find balance but from your posts there is enough disposible income to neatralize some of the negatives.

Get "stuff" out the way -be it the piles of junk that need sorting out -or housework -and that probably means paying for help to do it -for the sake of everyone's sanity !

Do you and LO really need to be out "almost every day" ? Doing what ? I'm a bit confused as you are saying you have zero social life during the week. Could you have a babysitter in the evenings for adult company now and again (dinner, a show or just a glass of wine) -or even for a girly lunch if your LO's hours make that difficult. TBH you are making life harder for yourself with a 10-10 schedule. Mine would sleep 6-7 and those evenings once he was asleep were my sanity time as well as catch up time.

Could you structure weekends a bit more ? Clear the decks of housework (even with a cleaner) Mon-Fri and have one day as his downtime day (when you work away no matter how comfortable -when you get home you do want to chill a bit and change pace) and the other day a day you do something as a family -zoo, walk, lunch out -anything. Also think about scheduling "date nights" with a prearranged babysitter so you two HAVE to go out. Plan holidays away well in advance too -so you have something to look forward to and to plan together.
At first setting everything to a schedule will feel weird and un-natural then once you get into a routine you start to wonder how you managed before. Once you have kids life just needs more structure -and it feels really odd at first as our mindset is that structure is for work and leisure should be more spontaneous !

If he's working in London could you now and again go down to London and visit -either midweek and do stuff as a family in the evenings -or that he takes a couple of days off -or even at weekends-ring the changes a bit-stay in a hotel or apartment . Invade his world a bit

Oh and definitely put his clothes on a week on week off cycle -so he has one set with him and the other set getting washed during the week so you don't have to deal with them on the weekend !

mildred1978

duchy wrote: »

I understand that BUT to your husband you were off on a jolly whilst he was working.

Not at all. He'd rather I visited friends and family mid week as it reduces the number of weekends needed to travel around the country.

duchy wrote: »

IGet "stuff" out the way -be it the piles of junk that need sorting out -or housework -and that probably means paying for help to do it -for the sake of everyone's sanity !

I got up at 5am when OH did this morning so have got a significant head start on today. Will no doubt be exhausted later though!

duchy wrote: »

IDo you and LO really need to be out "almost every day" ? Doing what ? I'm a bit confused as you are saying you have zero social life during the week. Could you have a babysitter in the evenings for adult company now and again -or even for a girly lunch if your LO's hours make that difficult.

We do 3 classes a week and at least 1 soft play. My son needs the stimulus and space to run off his energy! We have lunch after one of the classes, but as its with other mums and with the kids, it's not a relaxed thing!!

duchy wrote: »

ITBH you are making life harder for yourself with a 10-10 schedule. Mine would sleep 6-7 and those evenings once he was asleep were my sanity time as well as catch up time.

My most productive time of the day is 9pm-1am. Always been a night owl. As a bby I slept from midnight till noon and nothing ever changed that. My son is just like me, so hat won't be changing. I will however get up an hour earlier so I can get stuff done before he is up.

duchy wrote: »

IIf he's working in London could you now and again go down to London and visit -either midweek and do stuff as a family in the evenings -or that he takes a couple of days off -or even at weekends-ring the changes a bit-stay in a hotel or apartment . Invade his world a bit

Tried that. He often doesn't finish work until 8 or 10pm. Nothing family-oriented is open then!!