whose money is it?

Rebecca01

Person_one wrote: »

Some of us read between the lines too.

Many a truth is said in jest as the saying goes.

meritaten

technically - its yours!
morally? hmmm my OH and I had a joint endowment policy and it matured - because we didnt have a joint account it was paid into my OHs bank account. He bought me a hundred pound ring that I had fancied for ages - and then spent £4,500 on a car.
Do I feel resentful - bet your bluddy life I do!
even though the payments had come out of his wages - I have done my share in this marraige - I may not have earned as much - but if it had been the other way around I would have shared 50/50 with him! not any more I wouldnt!

krlyr

Spendless wrote: »

It's yours BUT your wife should give you a bill for the childminding she does whilst you are at work, ditto housekeeping etc that amounts to half the money. Would you consider that fair?

And OP can counterbill the wife with rent and bills, grocery, child-related costs and holiday spends.
OP and his OH have a deal that OP covers expenses and her money is hers to spend. Surely OP is entitled to spending money once expenses have been covered? If the mortgage had been adjusted to account for overpayments then OP would have had that £3500 in his pocket months/years ago and his OH would probably have classed it as OP's spending money, not demanded half of it herself. Unless they were really scrimping and saving and paying every single penny to overpayments, or struggling financially and sacrificing essentials (doesn't sound like it if they could afford holidays or for the OH to spend her money on what she likes), why can't he keep his spare money? Yes, she's possibility sacrificed her career for her kids (though if she was determined, she could have both) but that doesn't mean OP owes her every single penny he earns. They came to what they felt was a fair agreement and OP has stuck to it - in line with the agreement, the overpayment money should be his. As it stands, he's said it's likely to be spent on the kids anyway.
Maybe OP is a horrible father and partner and his OH should be running for the hills, or maybe they've both just comfortable enough to have silly debates over the moral rights and wrongs of stuff like this - me and my OH do it a lot, it doesn't mean we're in a doomed relationship, just that we like to exercise our minds with friendly discussions and "what if"s

mountainofdebt

I never quite understand these sorts of threads......surely if you're married then it's the partnership's money not his or hers.

meritaten

I think it depends on whether HER part time job is her pocket money to spend as she wishes - or whether it contributes to family finances.
I spent MY wages on the kids clothes, shoes etc - Family holidays and christmas was paid for out of whatever I earned.
I feel I have contributed my share to the family finances over the years - I think I am entitled to half of whatever is in joint names.
besides which - and I have said this on another thread - marraige is about SHARING! not about finance and who puts most money in - the other partner may put more into the marraige, but in other ways.

Spendless

krlyr wrote: »

And OP can counterbill the wife with rent and bills, grocery, child-related costs and holiday spends.
OP and his OH have a deal that OP covers expenses and her money is hers to spend. Surely OP is entitled to spending money once expenses have been covered? If the mortgage had been adjusted to account for overpayments then OP would have had that £3500 in his pocket months/years ago and his OH would probably have classed it as OP's spending money, not demanded half of it herself. Unless they were really scrimping and saving and paying every single penny to overpayments, or struggling financially and sacrificing essentials (doesn't sound like it if they could afford holidays or for the OH to spend her money on what she likes), why can't he keep his spare money? Yes, she's possibility sacrificed her career for her kids (though if she was determined, she could have both) but that doesn't mean OP owes her every single penny he earns. They came to what they felt was a fair agreement and OP has stuck to it - in line with the agreement, the overpayment money should be his. As it stands, he's said it's likely to be spent on the kids anyway.
Maybe OP is a horrible father and partner and his OH should be running for the hills, or maybe they've both just comfortable enough to have silly debates over the moral rights and wrongs of stuff like this - me and my OH do it a lot, it doesn't mean we're in a doomed relationship, just that we like to exercise our minds with friendly discussions and "what if"s

Dear me! The OP hints it's a tongue in cheek discussion in the original post, and clearly my winking smilie was lost on you.:p Frequently in a marriage the female works part-time due to household and childcare arrangements, it's a shame this is not seen as a contribution in monetary terms. The wages OP's wife keeps are from a part-time job, it might be the same amount as the OP has to himself once the bills are paid.

BTW- before Xmas my DH came into a large sum of money that came from an endowment that HE had on a property HE owned before we met and was paid out due to critical illness HE had. The endowment will have been paid out his wages mainly as I have only occassionally worked part-time through-out our 12 year marriage and spent the rest of the time looking after our children at the sort of hours DH wouldn't be able or couldn't affordto find paid childcare for. By the time the cheque cleared I'd lost my job.The money is in our JOINT account after paying off debts and buying a couple of wants for both of us, new tv for him, replace my car for me. I'd be less than impressed if DH wanted to keep the money as 'his'.

getzls

bluebaron wrote: »

Hi All,


the mortgage is in joint names !

That says it all, it's both of yours.:D

faerie~spangles

Surely the money belongs to the family and all benefit from it.

motherofstudents

I don't get this his and hers. When we got married we put everything into a joint account and all the money belonged to both of us irrespective of who put what in.

Spirit_2

Another one for the shared approach.

I earn more than Mr Spirit. Last year I had a small inheritance from my mum. We share everything - not 50:50 but as suits us. All accounts are joint, no one counts up and compares.

He has a smarter car, more hobbies is more of a spender. He also does the lions share of everything around the house.
It works for us.