whose money is it?

pinkshoes

I'd question your marriage if you even need to be asking a question like that about money!!

The whole point of marriage is that there no longer is a "mine" and "yours". It becomes "ours".

(so stick the money in a joint account and take the family on holiday!)

magenta22

Husband - Earns more, pays for everything. A lot of men like to be the breadwinner and look after the family.

Wife - Earns less, looks after the children, cleans the house, makes sure that you always have clean clothes in the wardrobe (no fairies do not do it!) cooks the dinner for when you get home from work - all this and work. Would probably love to earn as much as you do.

Does your wife go out all the time? Pamper herself? If so then I agree but if she is earning a lot less and spending all her time after work looking after the house and the family, does she spend her earnings on entertaining the children?

Why not put the money towards doing up the house?

Dan_Thunder

To me the money is clearly the OP's as he stated that he pays the bills and the mortgage.

If they've been paying too much for their mortgage then any reimbursement should return to where the payment originated from i.e. back in his account. If I took my wife out for a meal and ended up being charged, let's say £30 too much, if I then got that money back after the event I wouldn't give her £15 of it for no reason!

On a personal note, I think it's ludicrous for people to say "Well, if you took into account all the childminding/cleaning/whatever she does.........". The house she gets to live in, the gas and electricity she gets to use, the food she gets to eat etc,etc all come from somewhere and that somewhere is her partners wage slip. To imply that the OP is getting something for nothing is ridiculous.

I'd also mention that the OP didn't ask for people's views on how shoddy his marriage apparently is just because he and his wife have a different financial perspective to a complete stranger on an internet forum!

magenta22

The OP says he doesn't have a problem with the arrangement but clearly he does.

VestanPance

Some guys like to be the breadwinner or provider. There are also women that like to be the stay at home mum, the home maker.

Nothing wrong with either of those or even role reversal of those, but I fail to see how you do it with a his/her divide over finances.

To me it's an easy solution, play the fair card. All money into one pot and any savings from that to a joint account. Any free spend split evenly between the couple to do with as they wish.

The unexpected cash that has brought up this discussion why a mine or hers attitude? Play the safe game and put it back into the mortgage, you'd already spent it on that. Play the fun game and use it for a family holiday, everyone gets to enjoy the reward.

POPPYOSCAR

I also do not understand how a couple can be a partnership and yet do not share everything including the finances, and I never cease to be amazed just how many couples do live like this.

To me a true partnership is sharing everything in your life.

Dan_Thunder

If you have a joint account but one of you earns significantly more money how do you work out what's fair for each person to spend?

If it's a true 'everything in one pot' system then what's to say that the person who earns a lower salary won't end up spending more on themselves every month than the breadwinner?

If one person earned £50k a year and the other earned £25k would it be fair for the lower wage earner to spend the vast majority of their joint savings if the higher wage earner has low material needs? For example, if the higher earner spent just £50 a month on themselves would it be fair for the lower earner to then spend £300-400 on whatever it was they wanted even though it's their partners wage that's subsidising their spending?

flossyblog

Its yours.

If you had received an invoice for £3500 underpayment of mortgage, would she insist on paying half?

tescobabe69

If the provider allows it, pay it off the mortgage.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I also do not understand how a couple can be a partnership and yet do not share everything including the finances, and I never cease to be amazed just how many couples do live like this.

To me a true partnership is sharing everything in your life.

This, but i too am a bit sad that people can be so vehement about what op describes as a lighthearted discussion. Perhaps those in relationships where joking about money is totally banned are also in unequitable and sad marriages?