whose money is it?

GemmaE

Me and DH put all wages into a joint account for bills etc and keep £200 each per month to pay mobiles, going out, clothes, DD expenses etc. I work psrt-time, DH full time. Until we had DD I paid more into joint account as I earnt more than DH, now I work 3 days, 2 days at home with DD and do all indoor chores (actually always done that!)

The new arrangement suits as we both have our limits on what we have, and more than enough money in the pot for bills, if the washing machine breaks etc.

With a lump sum if there was any arguement over who got what, I would be inclined to say pay it off the mortgage, if possible, then everyone benefits (for more than the original amount if you take into account saved interest), after a family holiday/ other stuff we can agree on.

Seems sensible to me that if you can't agree the best way is to use it to make your bills more affordable in the long run.

My DH wouldn't agree though, many times he has been given money, inheritence from his nan etc, that I only found out about years after the event when he had spent all the money with nothing to show for it! Hopefully now we have DD and another on the way he will think more about 'us' rather than 'him'

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

I'd be really upset if I paid all the bills and my OH kept all his earnings for himself!

He earns a lot more. We don't know how much exactly but if he pays all the bills out of a 75K salary and she keeps all of her 7K part time earnings, potentially he could still have a lot more spare money than she does!

I don't understand the mindset of people who marry and create families but still of 'mine' and 'theirs' rather than 'ours'.

[Deleted User]

Hmm, well me and the missus consider it all 'our' money (i earn double my wife's salary and pay most bills). If I get a bonus.. it doesn't matter who's name is on the account, it's all ours to share. About the only time i'd consider it 'mine' is if I received it as a present. Most of our money gets spent on the kids anyway

However.. in your circumstances, i'd consider that 'morally' it's your money, since you overpaid the mortgage. If you hadn't, it'd just be money you would spend at other times. I'd be tempted to split it with the missus since it's a decent amount and a nice windfall for both of you

sooty&sweep

Hi

Legally AND Morally its belongs to both of you.

In essence you and your wife earn an income but your wife's income is less than yours because I'm presuming she covers alot of the childcare requirements and jobs at home so that you can work fulltime. I think if you started putting a value on all the things your wife does so you don't have to pay for them she earns and contributes considerably more than you are currently giving her credit for.

Jen

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

He earns a lot more. We don't know how much exactly but if he pays all the bills out of a 75K salary and she keeps all of her 7K part time earnings, potentially he could still have a lot more spare money than she does!

I don't understand the mindset of people who marry and create families but still of 'mine' and 'theirs' rather than 'ours'.

I completely agree with this. That's why I can't understand why someone would think of their earnings as "theirs" whereas all the bills are paid by someone else's earnings. I also can't understand couples where one partner earns more and keeps all their savings as "theirs".

Peater

Person_one wrote: »

I don't understand the mindset of people who marry and create families but still of 'mine' and 'theirs' rather than 'ours'.

Because about 49% of marriages fail. They want to keep some ambiguity over assets. (well, at least the one with the most to lose naturally would)

You could of course argue that it is THAT mindset which makes these unions destined to fail.

lostinrates

Re spending all her money on her, how much does she earn, are we talking enough to pay for her hair to be done and clothes, so a relief from th ehousehold budget, or on going out alone with friends?


Dh and i, the money is a partnership. I brought more cash to the marriage and then dodn't earn anything for ages, now am earning pin money with a small business. That money all goes back into to the business atm so we still live from dh's salary. We joke that we share finances equally, dh earns it and i spend it. In truth we talk about all spending of a ballpark sum together.

Edit: in our case if this money cou,d not be offset afainst the mortgage directky we would probably put it into our house in the form of improvement or maintainance. If this is not necessary in op's case our choice would probably be to put the money in a separate mfw saving's account (or tax free savings for this purpose if available within limit) so still using the money for its original purpose.

Steel_2

My first instinct is to ask:

"why are you spending your mortgage overpayment when you could be using it to pay off the mortgage early and retire sooner?"

And as for money, I think if your wife presented you with an invoice for the hours she's spent working to raise your children, you'd be giving her the full £3.5K and then some!

There's no point splitting hairs - you both work hard in your own ways.

Stick the money back into your mortgage overpayment account and pay down the greatest burden on you and your family. That way you both get the benefit, it's just not in a format where you can both wrangle over it.

worbikeman

You told her about the cheque?:eek:
Seriously though, the money came from the house so put it back into the house - like have the bathroom/kitchen redecorated or summit.

VestanPance

Chalk me up as another that doesn't understand the mines and yours attitude to money when married.

If something good like getting expected cash is going to cause issues you'd be as well just putting into the mortgage as an overpayment and then neither of you have it to fight over!