help on where i stand working wth a man making me upset on a daily basis

24hourwork

Well after much thinking about what i wanted to do, as i did want to take sometime to think abiut it, as this is all very new and quite scary, after a meeting with a professional i did submit an official grievence, i can submit a CD claim, as that was my only reason for leaving the company, it does not matter that i have found another job they way i feel right now i am very worried about starting anywhere new after how the previous employer i had treated me and yes it has knocked my confidence some what.
I am sorry of anyone was dissapointed that i did not seem to be taking their advice straightaway,but i am not an expert so was just taking it all in, thank you for those who have stuck up for me, i thank you for that, but please do not argue amongst yourselves, at the end of the day we are on here because we need help in some way, not to argue with fellow users
Thanks

wnoktnwbr

Nobody has a problem with you personally, everyone respects that you have a problem. People here are confused because you were in the right, your mentor was in the wrong and instead of following the advice you were given you chose to put yourself in an even worse position.

You were in the right, he was in the wrong, but you treated it as if it was the reverse. If you enjoyed the job and were going to quit because of him why didn't you do the obvious and go straight to HR, worst case they said you were in the wrong and you had to quit, no problem as that's the same situation as you're now in, best case they would have said "That is terrible! We will fix this right away!" and then from that point on you no longer had problems with this "mentor" and your job was happy again.

Nobody hates you, they're just struggling to comprehend how you reacted when you were given advice...

24hourwork

well thank you for everyones advice, i had a grievance hearing, (they were suppose to get intouch, they didn't though) but the man involved was sacked, he did alot of things to alot of people in fact in the end 6 people left out of 9, and after alot of heartache leaving the job was the only thing to do, even with him sacked we were lied to about the job, our manager covered things up etc, so now its time for a fresh start, the company didn't care about us, they never will, i have never had an apology, they haven't replied to the grievance within the stated 10 working days, so i am glad i got out of there

Emmzi

but, at least other people will not have to deal with him.

well done!

DCFC79

24hourwork wrote: »

well thank you for everyones advice, i had a grievance hearing, (they were suppose to get intouch, they didn't though) but the man involved was sacked, he did alot of things to alot of people in fact in the end 6 people left out of 9, and after alot of heartache leaving the job was the only thing to do, even with him sacked we were lied to about the job, our manager covered things up etc, so now its time for a fresh start, the company didn't care about us, they never will, i have never had an apology, they haven't replied to the grievance within the stated 10 working days, so i am glad i got out of there

Glad its all now sorted.

24hourwork

i am glad he cannot do it to the next set of people they recruit, and hopefully they will get the manager to have a duty of care to his staff rather than covering things up, and hopefully give the staff pc's to do their research on instead of at home until 1 am!

duchy

Workplace bullying is a difficult one. I'm considered by most people to be incredibly self confident (I'm not but I can talk the talk) but four years ago I took a job where the manager (with hindsight) was bi-polar. She was a nightmare -telling me to do things one way with the staff I was supervising -then correcting me (often in front of the staff) for doing it her way. She managed to erode every shred of my self confidence in two months .....around that time I met another person from the same large company-(Oh what the heck it was Thomas Cook) who had raised a grievence and accepted a transfer to get away from this unbalanced individual (although previously they had been friends). Lots of incidences of criticism of things I did that were unjustified (I was an experienced consultant with years of experience)
I had booked a scheduled day off followed by a days holiday for a special weekend away-she knew it was a very big deal ...so booked me on a training course for the scheduled day off and told me I HAD to go. I agreed to go reluctently and travel to my weekend away after the course instead of the morning -then the course was moved to a venue where it would be impossible to catch the train in time. I explained this and she told me she had asked the trainer and that it would be impossible for me to leave early. I then happened to speak to the trainer by chance and mentioned the problem the venue switch had caused me (without mentioning her having asked him) and his instant response was to say I could leave early-No problem (she'd lied and was playing power games). I never went back after the weekend away -a break from work was my wake up call and I realized just how bad the stress was ..... If someone fairly confident outwardly can be driven to the point their self esteem is flattened then what chance for the less confident ?

A couple of years later in my next job my manager was promoted and I got a new manager -and I saw the beginings of the same pattern again. This time I had the sense to speak to my previous manager who went nuts as he knew what my work was like and that the criticisms were unjustified and advised me to raise a grievence and supported me. End result I was transferred to a new team -and the manager I had difficulties with didn't speak to me for a month ....and then started treating me like the experienced person I was-asked for feedback and advice on issues where my imput was helpful and generally treated me how he SHOULD have treated me when I was working directly under him. Go figure <shrug>

I think an awful lot of "manager" issues come from poor training of managers...... they don't know how to manage so try to intimidate. The OP's manager in a case in point -he wasn't able to take the OP's issue to HR and in fact tried to cover it up to protect himself. She's well out of it.