Please give honest opinion...if you think we are being unfair please say

FATBALLZ

How can two full time working adults who don't have to pay for childcare be unable to afford to rent a flat?

I think parents should feel obligated to take their kids back in under certain circumstances, unemployment/serious change in financial circumstances and to help them save for a house deposit (far harder for kids today to do than it ever was for their parents) are the obvious scenarios I can think of. But it doesn't sound like he really seems to have a reason for moving back, so I'd suggest you're not under any moral obligation to take him in. You don't want to let him become one of these wasters who lives off mum and dad going into middle age.

jacci45

yes you are right there errata, mine is clueless by nature when its anything to do with women!!

when he split from the mother of his daughter we let him move back as he had no money at all to live on.....this time is very different, it will be interesting to see what he says when we say no as im sure bhe isnt telling me the whole truth, something isnt right with what he is telling me....mothers intuition!!
basically what we are going to say is that letting him move back isnt the answer for any of us....they need to downsize or rejig their budget and see what he comes out with then..........wish us luck!!

catriona79

Jacci,

How did it go?

I have just read the whole thread and thought about him moving in for a short term, I think psychologically it will be difficult for you to ask him to move out... Possibly much harder than to say no now.

Hope it went ok. Those are v difficult conversations. You're torn, between loyalty to family, which we are taught to display no matter what, and the common sense which dictates that this has got to be a no. You can ask him round for Sunday lunch every week, but he's got to be able to keep himself.

There seems something going on. As if he doesn't appreciate that his actions have consequences and thinks he can make an easy exit.

Yorkie1

You do realise it's 13 months since the OP sought advice?

catriona79

Yorkie1 wrote: »

You do realise it's 13 months since the OP sought advice?

I didn't actually!!
Thought it was Feb 2013. Of well, it is Friday evening and it has been a long day. But thanks for pointing out

Yorkie1

Easily done :D

jacci45

Update time......we did not let him move back in and he rented a small one bedroom place for about 4 months. Also my tumour was found to be cancer so it was a very stressful time for all. He couldnt afford the flat however and eventually we let him move back in about August. He has been with a very nice new girlfriend now for about 6 months and they are now in the process of saving up to move in together, although it wont be for a while as the dept they work in is being moved to Ipswich so they are both being made redundant in May.
He did realise when he lived on his own how difficult it is and was a very different person when we let him back, he doesnt seem to take us for granted anymore and seems much more grown up now...lets hope that lasts!!!
The situation is so much better now so there was a light at the end of the tunnel!! Also I have just had my one year all clear so all is now very good indeed!!
Take care all!!

19lottie82

Thanks for the update op - so, it was really down to him wanting to leave the girl he was living with at the time of your first post, as we thought? If so how did she take it all?

jacci45

She was actually fine in the end!! Children...who'd have them!!