Please give honest opinion...if you think we are being unfair please say

Hanging_by_a_thread

Say no and really mean it. Tell him to pull his finger out and start fullfilling his role in his current job so as he doesn't need to take a backward step or face being demoted. He has a child to support and provide for and a fiance that he is living with. He made these life choices. How come he thinks when the going gets tough he can fall back on you and your husband so heavily?

He is far to old to be running back home to mummy and daddy and enjoying a comfy ride. He needs a reality check. Stay firm on this and make him stand on his own two feet. Otherwise you will be lumbered with him forever. Whilst things are cosy and comfy for him at yours there is no incentive whatsoever to sort his life out is there!

piglet74

jacci45 wrote: »

thats exactly what it would be like piglet!!!

we will have to say no......we cant live like that we only have a very average size 3 bed terrace!!

thats what i live in.....its can feel crowded with just the 3 of us in it sometimes...

im sure you feel like that already!

for the sake of your own sanity, stick to your guns, it has to be a NO!:A

tbourner

I could name half a dozen people in my office who'd love a £4k pay rise and a management position. However I could also name you a few who absolutely would hate the responsibility. So it's tricky, he obviously got the job so is able to do it, whether or not he wants to drop back down because he can't be bothered and wants an easy life, or whether he's actually trying and just not good enough - only you can answer that one for us I think.

I think the above would have to be the basis for my decision. If he's getting anxiety and stressed over work for example, like he really can't handle it, I'd be inclined to help out, if he's arrogant and selfishly saying he wants an easier job then I'd tell him to man up to his responsibilities.

SandC

IF he gets demoted from his job (and that is an IF - say no to him moving in and he may reconsider) there will only be a £1500 reduction in household income because his fiancee is getting a £3000 rise.

So he is not in any way near as bad a situation as he makes out anyway.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He does sound a bit of a git.

Gets told he has to work, and his first reaction is, rather than think 'I'd better do something about it, or we'll be down about £23.07 a week after tax' is


'MUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my old room back NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!'



Tell him if he wants to dump her, he needs to find himself a room in a houseshare. But making her homeless, and then dumping her, because he's alright, he's back at home with Mummy and Daddy, that's vile.


Not your fault at all, OP.

But he needs to f off and grow up a bit. Or he'll be doing the same when he's in his 30s - or just moving on to the next woman with her own home each time he is expected to take responsibility for something.

minimoneysaver

Reality check....this is a grown man!!! I think he needs to grow a pair and step up to his responsibilities. Is there a valid reason why he isn't pulling his weight at work? He needs a good talking to! He doesn't need sympathy, he needs a kick up the *rse and needs telling that his daughter and her needs come first.

jacci45

you are all spot on.......he has made his bed im afraid. he will be shocked when we say no but he is 23 and as i said to him last night it is up to him to have a home for his child, not us.

im feeling crap today as well....think the general is taking its time leaving my system, just had a look at google and apparently this lightheadedness is very common.just means i wont put up with any nonsense from him!! this work thing is strange because he says he writes a list down everyday but never gets it all done, maybe he never reads the damn list!! he is in the process of applying for other jobs so who knows where he will end up working.....he wont be moving back in here however....we will be firm.....

19lottie82

Hmmm hard one, but I think you have to say no at this point in time., based on the fact that your DS seems to be looking upon moving back in with you as the “easy option” for whatever reason. As others have said, it’s not as if he is facing homelessness.

Have a word with him and explain that your DH sleeps in the spare room now, and there simply isn’t space. Offer to help him set up a budgeting plan so he can afford his own accommodation, should it be in his current place, or a cheaper alternative.

He is an adult and has to deal with his problems like one, he can’t go running back to his Mum and dads whenever he hits a bump in the road.

I think you could be right in thinking that he is trying to give his fianc!e the slip. It doesn’t add up that he would consider living separately from her without putting up a fight. If this is the case, it seems pretty low tbh!

soccermom

speaking as someone who's 21 year old came back home to live after losing his job and who is now 23 and a PIA I would say NO NO NO :eek:.

He is now working full time as a deputy restaurant manager so has the finances to move back out.

However he wont go and is really hard work wont clean up after himself but will do a bit of his washing, he does not help out around the house and kicks up a stink at paying £50 a week, compares himself to my younger boys 18 and 16 causing arguements.

He is a slob and as he has stated he is making my life miserable because we went to live in australia for 9 months and he didnt want to come. He was 20 at the time.

He says he is saving up for a deposit to move in with his fiance, funny that he has booked a holiday to Bulgaria, going to Barcelona and Amsterdam on a stag night, no wonder he cant save enough.

I found a lovely flat share for him with a lad his own age and interests, he says however he does not want to go back to flat share with anyone but his fiance and refuses to entertain anything but his own place.

If I could just kick him out everyone tells me to, but i'm having difficulty with conflicting feelings about being a mum.

MY 2 younger ones leave home this year one to the army and the other to uni and have more of a head on their shoulders than he does, it really is painful.

He will still be here way after they have moved out :eek:


Just say no and save yourself the hassle and get well soon and look after yourself.

jacci45

i know it seems low lottie but that is all i can think of,something just doesnt seem right, i did think of the budgeting thing too funnily enough,,,,as least that is something constructive to offer them....

thanx for all your input, this is helping me so much..