Please give honest opinion...if you think we are being unfair please say

jacci45

poorly, i am livid with him for putting us in this position,we have had enough to worry about this year, its just an extra thing,being sceptical again its like he waited for my op to be done and then decided to ask, i said to him that when his dad was made redundant with no redundancy money when he was a baby we just got on with it...told him we wouldnt have moved away separately, it never entered our heads, we just ate a lot of beans on toast etc!!!more i think about it i think he wants out of the relationship, well as i told him when they got engaged after a month they couldnt possibly know each other properly,at least she isnt pregnant!! god i need a
holiday!!

Errata

he isnt a bad lad but is very immature i think and very stubborn once he has made his mind up!!also,he always thinks he is right!!

Perhaps now is the time when he has to learn that if he makes his bed he has to lie on it. As far as his child, job, GF and flat are concerned - it looks like he's pretty good at leaving a mess in his wake.
Would a compromise work? He can stay with you without his girlfriend or child for a month but has to spend that time finding accommodation.

jacci45

she is very upset and feels if this happens the relationship will finish.....although they had only been together a month when they got engaged,they have only been together 10 months now.i could bash his bl++dy head i really could.

jacci45

if he comes back Errata he will never find accomodation round here, there isnt much and its expensive....i sound old now but the youth of today dont seem to want to work at anything....i told him he seemed remakably happy at this new situation but in his words he doesnt want it to happen,its a change in his circumstances and what would be stupid is to renew the lease when they cant afford to live there...grrr....

piglet74

i would say no....and i dont think you are selfish to say the same...

imagine...you in one room, hubby in another....20 YO Son in another...23 YO son on the sofa....baby in the living room with him...GF comes round...:eek:

no...it would be like waiting for a bomb to go off....you have your family up and reared....you need "me" time now, and you wont get that with someone sleeping on the sofa, with a baby with them, maybe a GF too!:eek:

good luck with it all, and with whatever you decide :A

peachyprice

He's a grown man with responsibilities, he can't just change his job because he can't be @rsed to do it properly when he has a child to consider and a fiancee he's supposed to be marrying.

What is going to happen to her if he moves back in? Is she coming too or does he expect her to sort herself out?

He's being very selfish to you, his daughter and his fiance. You can't let him think it's OK to run home to mummy and daddy when the going gets tough, he's big enough now to stand on his own two feet.

jacci45

thats exactly what it would be like piglet!!!

we will have to say no......we cant live like that we only have a very average size 3 bed terrace!!

Person_one

jacci45 wrote: »

i sound old now but the youth of today dont seem to want to work at anything....

Please don't assume all young people are like your son.

londonsurrey

You're not being selfish, you're helping him realise that he's a man, and that the freedom of choices it brings also come with the responsibilities.

He's asked, which is fair enough, and you've said no, which is also fair enough.
If he's really pushed, he could look at a flat share.
It's not as comfy, but if that's what he can afford, then that's what he can afford.

As for the fiancee, if he can't come to an agreement with her about his choices, quite frankly it's kinder for her to realise his full measure before marrying him.

daska

No, you shouldn't let him move back, you have an obvious need for a simpler, quieter life while you recover from this operation. Also, unless he's been given notice to quit the property he doesn't have to leave it and it's his choice to reduce his income.

(Part of me does wonder whether he might be suffering from depression? The giving up rather than making an effort could be a symptom.)