Please give honest opinion...if you think we are being unfair please say

londonsurrey

Good for you. On top of it all, the 20 year old is quietly taking it all in, and the message will now be "Sort it out before you produce a miniature human", as opposed to "Yes, just do what you like, 'cos mum will sort it all out for you".

jacci45

soccermom, i know you are spot on with what you are saying.......in the long run if we let him come back we are certainly not helping us and we wouldnt be helping him either.....oh for a simple life!!

its not easy being a parent.....

Hanging_by_a_thread

soccermom wrote: »

If I could just kick him out everyone tells me to, but i'm having difficulty with conflicting feelings about being a mum.

As a mum you would be giving him the best life lesson by kicking him out. He lives in cloud cuckoo land. If I had behaved as he is whilst living at home with my parents I would have been told in no uncertain terms to shape up or ship out.

While he is under your roof he should be pulling his weight and treating you with the respect you deserve. Not sat on his backside dictating this and that and telling you his current carry on is some kind of revenge for you leading your own life and going to OZ for a while. Did you say he is engaged, jeewhizz some girls are very easily pleased hey!

Invest in some heavy duty bin bags and next time he pops out change all the locks and pack for him. Finding his worldly goods on the lawn might make him think that he has taken you for granted for to long. When he finds a place to rent he can invite you over for dinner and thank you cant he

Errata

Perhaps the most useful advice for parents with boomerang kids is that they ask themselves if the kids are clueless by nature, or by nurture. A different approach is needed for both.

carefullycautious

Do what I am going to do move into a one bed property.

Bliss. No boomerangs for me ever.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

Perhaps the most useful advice for parents with boomerang kids is that they ask themselves if the kids are clueless by nature, or by nurture. A different approach is needed for both.

Some boomerang kids are just unlucky and have lovely parents.

I had to go home twice, once after uni while I looked for a job, once when I became suddenly both single and unemployed in the space of 10 days.

I don't think its fair to tar all parents who take in adult children (or all adult children who move home) with the same brush, after all, moving home to save for a deposit is often recommended on here!

poet123

Mine all moved back home after Uni and are still here, we have had to compromise. We do have the room but I have had to compromise my tidiness standards. I tell myself it is not for ever and the buzz of a full house is great. I don't think I will be too sorry though when they do go, it is the next step for them, but they are in no hurry to go it seems, they want to buy not rent.....

In the Op's situation I would not be too happy though, there comes a time when they have to step up to the plate and not use mum and dad as a safety net when there are viable alternatives. In this case those are stepping up a gear at work, finding a new job and accepting responsibility. Stand firm OP, longterm he needs to solve his own problems, letting come home under these circumstances wouldn't be helping him in that direction.

Caroline_a

Sometimes as a mum you have to do tough love. And this is what I think you should do in this situation. He'll have to buck his ideas up at work - he sounds as if he doesn't want the extra responsibility that has come with this job, but, you know.... tough! As everyone else seems to have said, he's made his bed, now he has to lie in it.

Yes you'll feel guilty, yes, he'll probably rant and rave... but he'll have to deal with it. And I bet he thanks you at some time in the future!

millym

Just to add, that from a practical point of view, he doesn't have to sign another lease, but can let the tenancy go 'periodic', meaning he can give a months notice if he needs to leave, rather than waiting until the end of a fixed term.

Personally I think things may be worse at work than he's letting on, hence the 'jumping before he's pushed' attitude.

C_Mababejive

Dont allow him to move back home. He needs to man up and manage himself and his responsibilities.