Please give honest opinion...if you think we are being unfair please say

puddy

he is a 23 year old man who has to deal with the ups and downs of life like we all do.

i think its odd that having been told if he doesnt pull his socks up, he is 'planning' to drop down to lower position rather than gets his finger out and make sure he doesnt get demoted. he is already planning to lose his flat!!

you will encourage this fatalistic view of life if you allow him to opt out of trying hard.

duchy

Surely this is what he's planning on doing-dumping his girlfriend th.rough "circumstances" . I wouldn't enable him on this one-plus if he DOES marry her-You'll be the MIL who kept them apart and it'll impact on your future relationship with her and by extension your son and any more children.

I'd keep well out of it-If he *chooses* to take demotion or by his own actions gets demoted -He's an adult and needs to deal with that-himself

If you give in this time he'll still be running away and back to Mum when he's forty-Time for tough love IMO

He hasn't taken your health into consideration in all of this either by the sound of it.

(BTW Did he *ask* you or tell you what he planned to do ?)

WantToBeFree

I dont think youre being unfair at all.

It sounds tho like he is willing to make no effort at work, and no effort to ensure he, his fiance and dd have somewhere to live.

He is an adult and he has his own responsibilies and its about time he learnt to deal with them and not go running home at the first opportunity. If you take him in now he will never learn this.

Im afraid you need to tell him no, and kindly explain to him that he has to face up to his own responsibilities and provide for his own family, just like you had to when he was young!

jacci45

thank you all so much and pink shoes this is a man who rushes into everything, especially concerned with women.....................i was thinking that we were maybe being harsh not wanting him back and i dont mean that the way it sounds........will have a chat with hubby tonight and then have him round as you have all said, on his own but i think we will be saying no.regarding the job i dont think he likes it and this is another easy get out clause.he isnt a bad lad but is very immature i think and very stubborn once he has made his mind up!!also,he always thinks he is right!!

KxMx

There comes a time when you have to put yourself above all others, no matter who they are, especially when your health is not good.

Just say no!

jacci45

duchy he asked me but he deffo thinks we will say yes.hubby was in bed when he came round..a touch of man flu! we are going to talk about it tonight.....its a cruel to be kind thing really isnt it.these children do not get easier the older they get do they!

thanx again,your comments are so so helpful.

poorly_scammo

I agree with everything that has been said so far so I won't regurgitate that in my own words. (I'd be livid with him BTW)

From reading what your son has told you, I think that he isn't telling you the full story concerning his relationship. His comments don't sound like they've come from a man who is contented with his relationship to me and like you've said, he may be looking for way out. I don't however approve with his proposed methods at all.

duchy

Good luck -we all want to give our kids the moon and the stars and it's always hard on both sides when we HAVE to say no for the good of everyone. He'll probably be shocked and might sulk but he'll get over it. Stay strong -you know you're doing the right thing for ALL for you !

ajaney

I have just read your 1st post, OP & my honest opinion is that no, you shouldnt let him move back in.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

what's the fiance saying to all this, or has she not been told yet?

Can she help with flat expenses?