"poverty mentality"

gallygirl

VJsmum wrote: »

With pleasure - shall I send him with a new wardrobe, or isn't there any point?

:rotfl:

It's so difficult to get the balance right - but Miss Aspie and Justamum, pleaase do get yourself some new things. You will feel so much better about yourself than you do. Appearances DO matter - I know people who have plenty money but wear very old frumpy clothes and think it shows they don't value themselves very much. That seems to be the case with both of you? The flip side is I don't have much respect for people who spend hours primping and preening and blow all their cash on clothes - to my mind they are shallow.

I have a great salary and we have a holiday home and several BTL's. I was away for New Year to our holiday home, have had another week away and another 4 trips to hol home booked. Planning on another. BUT - I still think I live frugally in many areas. For example, went away with friend - £37 on makeup on flight going out, £50 on scarves and nicknacks, £30 at airport going home. My spend? 'Splurged' £10 on scarves and necklace and earrings and I'm sure I was much more chuffed with my purchases than she was. Always fly with cheapest airline, I'm not proud, if Ryanair fly where I'm going then I'm happy to go with them.

I like nice things but like to think I've got them as cheaply as possible. I need to look good for work and will occasionally have a splurge if I see bargains (6 Hobbs dresses in one day but max cost was £39 and they will last for years). I have lots of clothes which are split:

• Expensive stuff from sales
• Expensive brands from charity shops and ebay
• Reasonably priced stuff, e.g. Next, but again from sales
• The odd reasonably priced thing bought at full price :eek:. Mainly with gift vouchers
• A few Primarni etc items - mainly vest tops to wear under wrap dresses.
• Expensive underwear - say £15 a bra - but this is from a factory shop with retail prices £35 upwards. Small back, big front and even M&S don't fit me.

I know I look well dressed, and get complimented, and love to add up what it cost compared to retail price. Best was around £7 for over £100 :T. Our office is next to charity shop and we go past it when going to our meeting rooms. I've been known to disappear into it and reappear at my desk a few minutes later with new boots etc :rotfl:.

I also have a lot of boots/shoes and agree with the cardboard shoes philosophy. I had to throw away a pair of sandals I'd had for around 8 years recently and was gutted.Favourite boots were £110 in Jones sale (bought by Mr GG ) - if they are anything like my last ones, they lasted 12 years. So, less than £10 a year, say £2 a month for when I wear them, 50p a week, say 15p a day if I wear 1/2 the time (which I tend to do, keep the high heeled ones for best )

I'm sure people think I live up to my means, and probably well over. In reality, I like the saying 'live within my means and sometimes beneath it'. I'm saving hard for a pension and overpaying mortgages so I can retire in 5 years. I'm sat here with a load of stuff to stick on ebay, including a load of underwear I bought from sale at underwear shop. If I make £1 an item I'll be happy - no-one else I know (apart from on here!) would bother. Cook from scratch, look for whoopsies, always take my lunch in etc. I won't be frugal with heating as I hate being cold - but have it on a timer (I know people who leave it on all day when they're at work :eek:) and switch lights out when I leave room etc. Always check bills & will go back even if charged 10p extra - that's MY 10p! I's because I do all that I can afford to have my lifestyle and still save a lot, so yes, it IS worth it for 10p.

My parents were poor early on then had a little more money but were not very savvy - e.g. paid for double glazing at 20% interest although they had the money in the bank as they didn't want to touch savings etc. Impossible to say, but I really don't think their finances affected the way I am, maybe because it wasn't extreme one way or the other?



gg

freyasmum

lostinrates wrote: »

I use skimmed milk. The calcium is the same in both, but watered down whole milk has less. Many of us don't do enough for bone health, having undiluted milk is a nod in that direction. Personally i would not water down milk. I guess it depends how close to the bone you are and how much milk you drink. I don't get through a pint a day, reducing that further with water seems a poor direction for my health!

Just wanted to bump up and second this post.

Skimmed milk is not just watered down whole milk - it is whole milk with most of the fat removed - and actually has more proteins in it than whole milk (fat globules are larger, protein smaller and so less fat = more room for protein). I know you say it works for you, and that's completely fine, but it's important that people understand that ss is not just watered down whole.

Above all, it is imperative to remember that milk should not be watered down if there are children concerned - especially not with very little ones. They need all the lovely minerals and fats that the whole milk provides and you no more end up with double the amount of milk than you would if you cracked a dozen eggs and put them into smaller shells.

Ben84

If you save money for the sake of saving money you're working for your bank and not yourself as they get to spend it while you're not, so I would suggest people turn or have long term plans to turn their money in to good assets so that the benefit is theirs.

determined_new_ms

There's an expression "the rich stay rich by acting poor & the poor stay poor acting rich" Did any one see the Christmas Superscrimpers? There was a woman on it who used to be a housekeeper for a very rich family and she said they stayed rich by looking after their things. We live OS but had 3 holidays last year, have just got back from 2 nights, bed, breakfast & dinner in a 4* hotel and have booked 2 weeks in Thailand at the beginning of june (2 nights in a 5* star hotel in Bangkok & 11 nights in a beach resort) - all paid for in cash of course. I would rather that than a Taste the Difference joint of beef when a reduced joint will be just as tasty when I've cooked it!

rubberbiscuit

I would disagree. Being frugal has no bearing on wether you are poor, its a lifestyle choice not a bank balance!
I had a very OS upbringing (food was home grown, shot or caught and clothes came in a black bin liner from an older cousin). However I never felt poor or hard done by because we had everything we needed. Then in my early twenties I started earning money and thinking I needed new clothes, furniture, DVDs, etc and got myself a credit card to pay for it. After a while I realiesed none of the random 'stuff' I had was improving my life in any significant way (all the take aways were probably shortening it!!LOL) plus I had a huge credit card bill to worry over.
Im now debt free and the older I get the more Im coming back to the simpler OS lifestyle I had as a child. Maybe 'stuff' can make some people happy but it does nothing for me anymore.

Besides OS and frugality will lower your carbon footprint and be good for the planet. So you are actually being eco friendly!! (that sounds more trendy, right??):rotfl:

culpepper

For me frugality is like a tool.
You can use it to stretch your income.
It doesn't mean you are poor but you do need to accrue knowledge to use it well.
Learning to make things, maintain things and mend them is very empowering and while rich families of the past may not have had to do these things themselves, they did expect the 'staff' to do it for them.
You only have to read a book like 'Tuppence to cross the Mersey' to understand how powerless a person is if they are money rich but have no practical knowledge.

Life is what we make of it they say and I agree, if you tell yourself that you are poor, you will believe it and imagine that everyone can see the label floating above your head.
If you tell yourself that you are empowered and Frugal and money savvy, then you believe that instead .
So when a person hovers in the doorway and it is your right of way, march on through and thank them for waiting.
:j

anguk

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I totally agree with this. I've always had a lack of self-esteem and in moments of clarity I can see that being frugal makes me worse.

This morning when I was putting my bra on I realised it is too big around the band because it's such an old bra and has lost its elasticity. The cups still fit though. So the thought came into my head that you can buy new bra clasps so I could sew one on to make the band hook up tighter. Then I felt resentful that that's all I deserve - to make do with a tatty old bra badly mended (because I can't sew well) instead of a bright clean new bra.

I tried to see things from an MSE point of view, and I can imagine people beaming with pride over their mended bra, happy about saving £20. But I can't get into that mindset, I can only feel that I'm too worthless to spend £20 on.

Then I get confused because I want to have nice things but buying new things is bad and wasteful and selfish. And I just get so confused about what the right thing to do is, and I feel terrible if I continue to make do with my old trampy clothes that I'm embarassed to be seen in but I also feel terrible if I waste money on new ones and I just don't know what to do.

Your post reminds me of Teri Hatchers book "Burnt Toast". She was on a chat show and the host asked her why she'd named the book "Burnt Toast" and she explained that it was a metaphor for always making do with the leftovers in life. She said it's like when you're preparing breakfast for the family if you burn some toast you're the one who eats it because you make sure your family have the best but you make do with what's left.

I must admit that's what I do at times, I've always made sure my family had what they needed but I've done without. It's taken me a long time to realise that I can have what I need too so if I need a new bra I'll buy one instead of just making do.

I think women do this much more than men, I don't know if it's in our make-up to always put others first?

Pitlanepiglet

rubberbiscuit wrote: »

I would disagree. Being frugal has no bearing on wether you are poor, its a lifestyle choice not a bank balance!
I had a very OS upbringing (food was home grown, shot or caught and clothes came in a black bin liner from an older cousin). However I never felt poor or hard done by because we had everything we needed. Then in my early twenties I started earning money and thinking I needed new clothes, furniture, DVDs, etc and got myself a credit card to pay for it. After a while I realiesed none of the random 'stuff' I had was improving my life in any significant way (all the take aways were probably shortening it!!LOL) plus I had a huge credit card bill to worry over.
Im now debt free and the older I get the more Im coming back to the simpler OS lifestyle I had as a child. Maybe 'stuff' can make some people happy but it does nothing for me anymore.

:T Are you me? I could have written that.

We're not wealthy but we're not poor either in monetary terms or in spirit but we are frugal and this allows us to live very well.

I buy most of my clothes on ebay and this allows me to have a wardrobe that I couldn't have otherwise, my colleagues think I'm wonderfully extravagant with my four good wool winter coats that I rotate - they were all ebay bargains!

I shop very carefully and this allows us to eat well, we had rump steak last night and a leg of lamb today. The lamb will be stretched to give us a number of meals this week and we'll savour every one of them.

We consider ourselves lucky that OH was made redundant when we were first together, my wages only just covered our outgoings and we learned to cut costs - we were as happy then as we've ever been even though we were skint - it was a good lesson in life for us that you don't need money to be happy. Without this lesson, we'd have continued with our materialistic lifestyles and probably still been in debt now.

BTW - I have loads of bras, I buy them from Debenhams when they are reduced to clear!

charlies-aunt

What a fantastic thread!

We live a thrifty OS life, partly through choice and but mainly through necessity as although we both work fulltime - I am on a low wage and DH is on minimum wage.

I was brought up by parents who had lived through the war and very hard times - all clothing was hand-me-downs or jumble sale stuff and was worn until it was more hole-y than godly :A, then patched and then the patch was patched, food was home made & and make-do-and-mend was the order of the day.

Did I feel deprived ..... no! - because every family in the street was in the same boat, doing similar stuff and making the best of things.

It was shameful to have a mucky neck but no-one gave a patched elbow or a turned collar a second glance.

I have some very frumpy, tatty clothes that I wear round the house/allotment to save my decent clothes for work, going to town or being out & about. I buy the majority of them from Charity Shops - I look after them and can tailor them to fit well, replace buttons etc so I have a nice selection for low cost. I always investigate the £1 rail in CS as I've picked up some real gems that just needed a bit of sewing

With food - everything is cooked from scratch and meat is stret-c-h-e-e-e--d-d-d by making stews, pies, stirfries and we have kept ourselves going all year with fruit and veg by having a half allotment. Nothing nicer than a dinner with new potatoes that DH dug up less than two hours before!

Things are tough and life ain't fair - but there is no point it having a "poor me" attitude or poverty mentality, you've just got to make the best of things and live each day as fully as you can.

Keep smiling

ubamother

Great thread. I do understand the concept of poverty mentality, but in relation to limiting expectations, which can affect both how you feel about yourself and therefore lower your self-esteem and confidence, which I think can affect your earning/job satisfaction capacity. However, I don't equate that with 'frugal cool' which is often represented in this forum. For me 'frugal cool' implies a refusal to accept consumerism at face value, and being individual enough to decide how our money is spent, rather than being pushed down a particular spending route by peers, shops, advertising etc. Frugal to me is being in control of our money and our choices - and takes far more confidence and ability to do successfully than over-spending because we think we should. 'Frugality' should be celebrated and completely separated from any sense of 'poverty' however much or little money is available to any of us.