"poverty mentality"

rubberbiscuit

ubamother wrote: »

Great thread. 'Frugality' should be celebrated and completely separated from any sense of 'poverty' however much or little money is available to any of us.

I totally agree!! Its not all about the money (or lack there of!). For me its the challenge of stretching things out and making savings. Everyone must feel a tiny sliver of guilt when they throw away food/furniture, I know I did. However I also get a happy, proud feeling when I find some way to save/restore or utlize something that would otherwise be heading to the rubbish dump.
Im getting used to the blank looks from others though. I was very proudly telling a friend how I had frozen half a tub of humous, washed out the pot when finished and later decanted it back so i would never again have to throw half away. The response from said friend was, 'why bother?'.
(coz it made me happy!!):rotfl:

PipneyJane

gallygirl wrote: »

It's so difficult to get the balance right - but Miss Aspie and Justamum, pleaase do get yourself some new things. You will feel so much better about yourself than you do. Appearances DO matter - I know people who have plenty money but wear very old frumpy clothes and think it shows they don't value themselves very much. That seems to be the case with both of you? The flip side is I don't have much respect for people who spend hours primping and preening and blow all their cash on clothes - to my mind they are shallow.

I have a great salary and we have a holiday home and several BTL's. I was away for New Year to our holiday home, have had another week away and another 4 trips to hol home booked. Planning on another. BUT - I still think I live frugally in many areas. For example, went away with friend - £37 on makeup on flight going out, £50 on scarves and nicknacks, £30 at airport going home. My spend? 'Splurged' £10 on scarves and necklace and earrings and I'm sure I was much more chuffed with my purchases than she was. Always fly with cheapest airline, I'm not proud, if Ryanair fly where I'm going then I'm happy to go with them.

I like nice things but like to think I've got them as cheaply as possible. I need to look good for work and will occasionally have a splurge if I see bargains (6 Hobbs dresses in one day but max cost was £39 and they will last for years). I have lots of clothes which are split:

• Expensive stuff from sales
• Expensive brands from charity shops and ebay
• Reasonably priced stuff, e.g. Next, but again from sales
• The odd reasonably priced thing bought at full price :eek:. Mainly with gift vouchers
• A few Primarni etc items - mainly vest tops to wear under wrap dresses.
• Expensive underwear - say £15 a bra - but this is from a factory shop with retail prices £35 upwards. Small back, big front and even M&S don't fit me.

I know I look well dressed, and get complimented, and love to add up what it cost compared to retail price. Best was around £7 for over £100 :T. Our office is next to charity shop and we go past it when going to our meeting rooms. I've been known to disappear into it and reappear at my desk a few minutes later with new boots etc :rotfl:.

I also have a lot of boots/shoes and agree with the cardboard shoes philosophy. I had to throw away a pair of sandals I'd had for around 8 years recently and was gutted.Favourite boots were £110 in Jones sale (bought by Mr GG ) - if they are anything like my last ones, they lasted 12 years. So, less than £10 a year, say £2 a month for when I wear them, 50p a week, say 15p a day if I wear 1/2 the time (which I tend to do, keep the high heeled ones for best )

I'm sure people think I live up to my means, and probably well over. In reality, I like the saying 'live within my means and sometimes beneath it'. I'm saving hard for a pension and overpaying mortgages so I can retire in 5 years. I'm sat here with a load of stuff to stick on ebay, including a load of underwear I bought from sale at underwear shop. If I make £1 an item I'll be happy - no-one else I know (apart from on here!) would bother. Cook from scratch, look for whoopsies, always take my lunch in etc. I won't be frugal with heating as I hate being cold - but have it on a timer (I know people who leave it on all day when they're at work :eek:) and switch lights out when I leave room etc. Always check bills & will go back even if charged 10p extra - that's MY 10p! I's because I do all that I can afford to have my lifestyle and still save a lot, so yes, it IS worth it for 10p.

My parents were poor early on then had a little more money but were not very savvy - e.g. paid for double glazing at 20% interest although they had the money in the bank as they didn't want to touch savings etc. Impossible to say, but I really don't think their finances affected the way I am, maybe because it wasn't extreme one way or the other?



gg

Are you sure you aren't my long-lost twin? Except for flying Ryan-air, you sound like me. (I won't fly Ryan-air on principle. Don't like the way they treat their staff.) Your shopping habits are certainly mine. I nearly always wear a suit to work, frequently get compliments on what I'm wearing and about a third of my clothes come from Charity Shops (including three virtually new suits purchased at the end of last year for less than £8/each).

Shoes are my weakness but they all come from either the M&S or Next sales. My best shoe bargain were a pair of black loafers from M&S that cost £1. Wore them daily to work for nearly a year before they died.

Where is this factory shop for bras? I usually beg my family to give me Bravissimo vouchers for Christmas/birthdays because I'm a 32F and nobody-else sells bras that fit me. (They also do strappy tops that actually support my bust, don't fall down and don't require wearing a bra underneath.) But Bravissimo aren't cheap (worth every penny, but not cheap), so a reasonable-priced alternative would be wonderful.

I'm working on the BTL's and the holiday home, but they'll need DH to find another job. (He's recently unemployed again from a breadline-level job, two years after being made redundant from a well-paying one. Nobody was hiring in his field in 2010.) Right now, we break even which is an achievement.

gallygirl

PipneyJane wrote: »

Are you sure you aren't my long-lost twin?

:wave: Hello sister :wave:.

Bra shop is East Mids, near Kettering. Fantasie and Freya £14.99, Fauve £24.99 but all £3 when they have the factory clearance . I bought a load to sell, don't think I have any 32F's but will have a look .

Loving the concept of 'frugal cool' :cool:. Have never been cool in my life . Found another charity shop devotee at Slimming World tonight, she admired my £7 boots, I admired her £10 coat . Today's outfit - £6 charity shop dress, £7 boots, £5 long Monsoon cardi. Got told 'you always have lovely dresses' and 'sell me your boots' :rotfl:.

lyra

ubamother wrote: »

Great thread. I do understand the concept of poverty mentality, but in relation to limiting expectations, which can affect both how you feel about yourself and therefore lower your self-esteem and confidence, which I think can affect your earning/job satisfaction capacity. However, I don't equate that with 'frugal cool' which is often represented in this forum. For me 'frugal cool' implies a refusal to accept consumerism at face value, and being individual enough to decide how our money is spent, rather than being pushed down a particular spending route by peers, shops, advertising etc. Frugal to me is being in control of our money and our choices - and takes far more confidence and ability to do successfully than over-spending because we think we should. 'Frugality' should be celebrated and completely separated from any sense of 'poverty' however much or little money is available to any of us.

What a fab post. Love the term 'frugal cool', I think that's definitely something to be/aim for. I've heard/read like minded people using the term 'upcycling' when they use something that otherwise would be chucked out & turn into something else, I think those words have a positivity to them.

lilac_lady

I have a neighbour who is dressed in the best (all new) but is so mean that it's embarrassing to lisen to her boasts about how she "saved" money by doing things I wouldn't dream of such as taking a box of sweets to a shop for a refund as she didn't like the flavour.

The sweets were given to her by someone else (who got them as a gift) who also didn't like the flavour and asked her if she did. She didn't get any money for them but tried so hard to get this free gift turned into money for herself.

I think that was a mean thing to do but others may disagree.

debtfreenow

Guess I must be in "prosperity consciousness" then (thinking of that box of sweets mentioned). If I get given a box of sweets I like (ie that would be chocolates then) I can't get rid of them fast enough.

I GIVE them away to the first person I come across, ie before I have the chance to get tempted to eat them myself:rotfl:. Is that horribly "mean", as if anyone puts on weight from eating them, I don't want it to be me?:rotfl:

Thankfully, I think people have realised by now that any box of chox they give me are likely to soon be in the hands (or mouth) of a stranger...so they give me other things instead (that would be the nearest charity shop that benefits instead usually then...).

*Chattie*

lostinrates wrote: »

Heartly agree.....no one is normal. Normal is average, which is simple a line on graph in the middle of our oddities and extremes. No one should feel bad for being different.

equally no-one should label either themselves or worse their friends, family and neighbours. All to often happens that people spend more time talking, moaning about other people than simply getting on with their own life in the best way possible.

debtfreenow wrote: »

Guess I must be in "prosperity consciousness" then (thinking of that box of sweets mentioned). If I get given a box of sweets I like (ie that would be chocolates then) I can't get rid of them fast enough.

I GIVE them away to the first person I come across, ie before I have the chance to get tempted to eat them myself:rotfl:. Is that horribly "mean", as if anyone puts on weight from eating them, I don't want it to be me?:rotfl:

Thankfully, I think people have realised by now that any box of chox they give me are likely to soon be in the hands (or mouth) of a stranger...so they give me other things instead (that would be the nearest charity shop that benefits instead usually then...).

So you won't have chocolates as a gift and anything else as a gift goes to the charity shop, why don't you ask people to buy you a goat from Oxfam that way at least someone will appreciate the gesture of buying you a gift :undecided

UnluckyT

I feel and belive it is a mentality thing, although living in the the society we do with the technology we have i feel that poverty is changing and does differ from person to person.
I grew up with not much money, i didnt feel particulary poor until my parents (mum and step dad) divorce was finalased at 16/17 when i got a saturday job and realised how crap with money they were and how mean with money my ex step dad was and was having to support mum (and did to a few years ago) because of mums poor skills with handling money, budgeting etc.
I still dont feel poor as such, been increadibly lucky and fortunate to be able to manage my money, buck the trend of my family and have some amazing holidays.
Im often told im tight plus had people i work with tease me over it, although if i wasnt overly carefull and looked for bargains or try to look after my stuff id be in debt like my family let alone have done what i have.
I am tight with money, probably too tight and in the wrong way but am learning still.

Justamum

*Chattie* wrote: »

why don't you ask people to buy you a goat from Oxfam that way at least someone will appreciate the gesture of buying you a gift :undecided

Having lived in Africa and seen the devastation caused by goats I wouldn't encourage anyone to buy goats for the third world! Something to help educate the children would be better - pencils and books.

misscousinitt

Haven't had time to read the whole thread yet, but would like to add my two pence worth.

Old Style means different things to different people; obviously the OPs 'friend' thinks it means that you act like you are poor!

To me it means doing things like meal planning, sensibly shopping for food, making meals from scratch and drying the washing on the line when possible. I have chosen the components of OS that suit me, my lifestyle and my needs. You can't make a sweeping statement that OS makes you have a 'poor mentality' - they have obviously got the wrong end of the stick what OS really is.

To others it can be an absolute necessity ie if they are in debt and need to pull in the purse strings. Off course you can take things to the extreme, but in the vast majority of cases a person (or family's) degree of OS relates to what they are trying to achieve.

For me OS is about eating healthily, with minimum waste (when there is so much waste in the world) and reducing my energy bills which not only saves money, but is green.

Its all about balance to fit your lifestyle and your needs - even if I was a millionaire, I wouldn't want to get ripped off any more than I would tolerate it now. I would still cook from scratch because I enjoy cooking like that and I know exactly what is going in it.

I'm not poor, but I'm not rich either and having elements of OS in my life enables me to pay extra off my mortgage every month, means we can treat ourselves to nice holidays and the odd nice meal out.