"poverty mentality"

VJsmum

gallygirl wrote: »

Em, hello............ Can I have my OH back please, you seem to have acquired him :rotfl:

With pleasure - shall I send him with a new wardrobe, or isn't there any point?

:rotfl:

thriftwizard

valk_scot wrote: »

I personally don't think of being thrifty as part of the poverty mindset. Using up leftovers, meal planning, using every last scrap out the shampoo bottle, not impulse buying, reusing your plastic bags/whatever, buying better quality clothes from a cheaper source and them making them last by looking after them? None of this will affect your lifestyle, sense of self worth or give you the so called poverty mentality, but it will help your bank balance greatly and also is sensible environmentally. Reducing wastage is not a sign of poverty after all.

However once it gets to the point of needlessly setting your lifestyle level to an uncomfortably low level just to save money while you've got plenty in the bank already, there's a problem.

Well said! :T I've been re-reading the thread, and couldn't help thinking of my Mum & stepfather. By most people's standards, they're well-off. Maybe not rolling-in-it rich, but they are just downsizing from a big house with beautiful views & half an acre in the countryside into a fairly luxurious close-care retirement flat, which they were able to pay cash for without having sold the house, and no worries about paying the fees for the rest of their likely lifespans - they're in their mid-80s now. They've been able to travel and afford to buy anything they actually need without a second thought, albeit after careful research. They've had a gardener & a home help as they've got older. And they are "careful", very careful, both of them, with money - no piece of string goes unwanted, no plastic bag goes straight into the bin! Yes, they buy from Waitrose, but eat every last scrap that is edible, and feed the rest to the birds, the hedgehogs or the compost heap. My stepfather still wears suits he bought 50 years ago but you wouldn't be able to tell as he looks after his clothes quite carefully, and I'm selling off my Mum's old clothes now on my vintage stall - she never had very much, but what she did have was always good quality & well-looked-after.

Neither of them ever had bright-lights, headline-making jobs & Mum spent 25 years as a country vicar's wife - i.e. unpaid slave! - and I can remember days when she cried because she couldn't afford to buy us meat that week, after she was widowed & left with two children still totally dependent & just £27 pounds in the bank. But both of them grew up with a waste-not-want-not mentality & it has done them very well. They're not at all mean (they both have very generous natures, but it's not money they're generous with!) but they're not at all wasteful either, and when I look at where that's got them, I'm very happy to follow in their footsteps. Just wish I'd taken notice earlier...

Hardup_Hester

In the 10 years my hubby & I have been together we spent the first 5 years living hand to mouth, he was unable to work after an accident, I worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time as we weren't eligable for any benefits. I earned enough to pay the rent, bills & food, we had £7 a month left to pay for clothes, entertainment, treats & emergency's.
He is now in full time work & I feel rich, we don't have holidays, well apart from last year when my kids treated us to a few days in a caravan in Chichester, most of my clothes come from CS, he wears his works uniform unless we are going out. But I don't have the constant worry of something breaking down or a sudden emergency & not having the money to sort it out.
Hester

Pitlanepiglet

What a lovely post Angie - my screen seems to be a bit blurred x

gailey_2

Interesting thread.

last years got more frugal as only 1 income , 3kids, rising costs, cars of doom which resulted in approx £20,000 debt between us was more as paid off 10grand in 2010 and close to 10grand in 2011 so its going in right direction at least.

Im hoping that being frugal and os now will mean

out of debt and build up savings quicker
allows us to go on days out and hols if we careful with clothes and food.

we consumer savvvy we switched what we can,shop around, downshift, search sales, recuctions, cashback sites.

Cook from scratch/recycle.

try and save energy and petrol where we can.

we live os because we have to but also get some happyness from it.

but in order for it to work I build in monthly treats.

reduced dessert-cheers up hubby
value choc-cheers up kids
carboots-allows kids to have some new toys or odd new book from charity shop/libary sale.
cinima -does £1 kids films
local chuch does craft club for £2, libary does free crafts in hols
i make cakes and let them help!
pack picnic and we go to different parks.

Clothing been fortunate.

My eldest being 1st born had mostly new.
my 2nd being girl inherited eldests clothes.

However I havent asked but lots of freinds have girls and keep giving me stuff for toddler whos njow very well dressed and huge amount so much so thined it our recently.
eldest needs new stuff so look on ebay for 2nd hand branded names or sales. cant wait for carboots again.

3rd being a boy has meant go out and buy but brought designer from

nearly new nct sales and ebay. lady at school gave me a bundle again dident ask dont look obviously poor but im same i like giving stuff away to help too kind of like a mummy recycling circle.
True some of stuff not to my taste so have aawy to charity but out of bundle reguarly use least 10items now hes grown like jeans dungarees which go with the stuff I have brought him plain things like dungarees, jeans, cardies over his sleepsuits ect all been really beneficial been really greatful.

listed few bundlea and sold on netmums even the cloth nappies sold so think things getting hartder and 2nd/3rd time parenst lot savvier with money

Myself try and do my best to look nice but again mostly 2nd hand bargains.
last year did treat myself to some proper ugg boots which unlike cheapy versions did not wear down side after a month Also a proper coat with detachable fleece lining as i walk everywhere as dont drive its been lovley investment to be dry and warm.

On rare occasions meet freinds we try go cheap places.

I like to think kids dont feel affected by low income.

eldest does extra out school clubs which cost about £100 a term.
she always goes on school trips
has money for cake sale or drink.
we have cut out school dinners and she takes packed lunch.
but she gets to do breckast club once a week which she enjoys.
rent private house in afflunet area, she goes to a good school.
large garden to playin has computer, bike, scooter all the modcons kids want.

they get lots for birthdays/some 2nd hand.
shes having a party again at pool.
we try and do annual hols although with newborn last year and unexpected carcosts last year we dident.
we try do 3-4days out a year to places .

I think if your appearance is getting you down get to chairity shop , ebay or carboot and treat yourself to new coat or shoes ext. primark do ok bras.

Think coats investment peice really wnat to get hubby new coat for his birthday in august and new trainers as he rarly spend on himself.

There was something other year cant remember which forum about the secret poor might have dfw. A lot of people on outside appear to be doing well but we dont really know.
we in situation once bills paid we break even nothing left, no savings so if something happens we vunerable last year washing machine broke so put out wanted for 2nd hand one for £40.

There are times when me and hubby look outwards and others and think where we going wrong? how heck do they manage it.

but in back of mind im hoping being os will in time take us to better place.
keep telling hubby its short term in few years time we will be better off.
but hes like 2015 seems so far away but hey its 2012 now.

my dad lost his house during 90s, recession as did my aunt.

but they built the,selves back up againa nd very comfortble now.

well done frosty you done so well.

Hubby says we may never be rich I say yes we might not but as long as we can afford all wee need and have each other then not owning a house or going on foreign hols not going to harm us.

I think attitudes towards money changing since the crunch in uk.
never been more fashionable to be frugal even the squeezed middleclasses who you could argue feelk it the most as at top end you fail to notice the cuts and without security of regular handouts at the lower end there truly is a feeling we on our own.

watched bbc 2money programme before xmas was really interesting

1st programme-looked at wealth and mad americans-seemed bit of con to me,

2nd and 3rd-looked at peoples attitudes to money and how they spent it.

america boasts about being land of opportunity yet they much poorer than uk poor as not welfare state, food banks common over there,

watched richard corrigons uk hunger programme on current and think as my nan used to say plenty people worse off than you. Shes right.

my advice

to everyone is

live os and try and

build in few extra treats
use money saved as savings for inbuilt treats.
have a goal in mind about money saving whats the savings for?
paying off debts a good one or replacing a dying car like we did last year.
if somethings making you sad reveiw it. be flexible and try and enjoy the journey dont stress about final destination, lifes for living.

in businiess theres a expression opportunity cost which means forgoing one thing to have another.
being os is that to us and will pay off when we debt free and have savings.

My younger sis comes out with you think poor you are poor but shes been supported by mum and various wealthy boyfreinds she dates. shes now training to be dentist as super salary and seems fixated she will be rich one day think she looks down on me with 3kids and no current career path with disdain and fact i dont drive super embaressment for her.

My only bugbear when some of our freinds moan they skint they dont really know meaning of word as they have money for food and still go out ect.

Justamum

I read LittleMissAspie's post with shock - she could be relating my own story. I've got so used to not buying myself any clothes over the years that if I do ever get any money to spend on myself I get into a panic in clothes shops so the money usually gets spent on other things (the rest of the family or bills). My mum has given me money in the past to spend on myself, but that's usually gone the same way as all the other money. DH will tell me to only spend it on myself, but the last time I ended up spending it on something expensive he wanted because there was no other money.

I could do with new bras but there's no money in the 'clothes' kitty. My clothes consist of two pairs of jeans, some t-shirts and a few jumpers. In summer I wear jeans and t-shirt, in winter I wear the same with a jumper on top. I feel like a complete scruff, and I've started to think that people really do judge you on appearance. I've felt a few times recently that because I'm not 'smartly' dressed (clean though!) that I've been looked down on. Yesterday for instance in the supermarket I was coming out of an aisle with my full trolley near the entrance, but a couple of people just coming in seemed to expect me to pull back to allow them through because I'm obviously not as 'good' as them. As it was my right of way I refused (I heard one woman making a disparaging comment about me as I passed).

A few years ago there was an advert locally for some wine - you would buy a couple of bottles and get some free wine glasses. I'm not all that keen on wine, but thought the glasses would come in handy! Anyway a woman came round. Admittedly we weren't living in the best flat possible, but I did keep it as clean and tidy as possible based on the cr*p conditions the landlord kept it in. Her expression said it all - you could see her turning her nose up at her surroundings. She couldn't get away quickly enough.

I used to think what I looked like probably wasn't important, but my already low self-esteem has got even lower over the years. I avoid looking people in the eye so I can't see their expression when they look at me. I avoid looking in the mirror as I can't stand the sight of myself. I'll probably be told to 'pull yourself together' but it's not easy. You get so used to putting yourself at the bottom of the queue that it's not easy to change.

lyra

No I don't agree. I have to live the OS school life, due to health problems but I do take joy in it and in many ways I think I'm happier than a lot of my friends and family. A lot of them think I'm lucky, because I always have enough money for rent and can pay early, for example, but that's because I'm not living like I'm well off: i.e I don't have a posh phone or a car (can drive but can't afford one! and manage fine). If I want something, I really think about it, rather than impulse buy. I have friends who'd thinking saving for something is mad.

I do agree with those that have been affected by their parents attitudes to money. My dad, even now, would spend a lot (I'm talking 100s of pounds) on a new coat. Yet he won't replace their old draughty front door, because it's too much money. When we were young he'd buy a new car every few years but wouldn't spend money sorting out the mold problem in our house. Very odd, but I'm glad to say my brother & I are completely different. We both take joy in cooking (him), baking & preserving (me) and consider ourselves lucky if either of us can go on holiday for a couple of days. I actually think we'll be more content and happier in the long run through being old school as I do think it makes you appreciate the small but consequential things in life. Although I do know that grinding poverty is utter misery.

My dad has lived beyond his means, has it made him rich? No, he's now incredibly anxious about money as he approaches old age, and he can't seem to grasp what his friends who've retired & payed off their mortgages say: 'we lived within our means, and at times, below it'.

[Deleted User]

Being frugally minded and careful with your choices doesn't mean you have 'poverty mentality'. I always look for best value when I buy anything, not just clothes or treats for myself. I come from a home of very limited means indeed, we were not very well off at all and some days there was very little food and very little else, so is it any wonder that those of us who know how that feels should be sensible about how we live our lives. I have learned to prioritise the things that are important and these are a waterproof pair of shoes, a good warm coat (no matter how old),enough to eat and a roof over our heads. We have come a long way from those difficult days but, it is still very hard not to think they might just come again for us all in this economic climate. So having enough and a little in reserve seems like common sense - not panic! Cheers Lyn.

Mistral001

It is universally agreed that it is good to be prudant with money than a spendthrift. It is good to live within our means. I think that all these things are not in dispute here even they are being brought into the discussion on ocassions in this thread.

Perhaps the OP is referring to being frugal rather than the OS money saving which we all love, like little tips for cleaning using vinegar etc rather than expensive cleaning fluids. I think we can get used to being frugal far to easily sometimes. it can become a habit almost. It might be a good habit, but when taken too far it could have a negative effect on our whole outlook on life. Maybe that is what the OP is all about and it makes me think.

rinabean

Justamum wrote: »

I used to think what I looked like probably wasn't important, but my already low self-esteem has got even lower over the years. I avoid looking people in the eye so I can't see their expression when they look at me. I avoid looking in the mirror as I can't stand the sight of myself. I'll probably be told to 'pull yourself together' but it's not easy. You get so used to putting yourself at the bottom of the queue that it's not easy to change.

It really is nothing to do with how you look (I think you hint at knowing that). If people have to look nice before they feel nice, that's low self-esteem. Myself, I've looked amazing and felt like crap (understatement, but filters...), and the other way around. It's all inside. I'd never ever say "pull yourself together", but it's you, it's not even anything to do with those other people. If they were kind people they wouldn't judge you and be rude, as they're obviously not they'd be horrible to you if they ever sense the smallest of opportunities. And the main thing that'll have people walking over you is lying down in front of them. You've just as much right as anyone else to walk down that aisle with your trolley or anything else you want to do that isn't cruel or illegal. It's nothing to do with how smart you look, it's because you are a human being and it is your right to live, to take up space in the world. You don't have to earn it.

I also suspect you might be a bit paranoid. (Not being mean, I get this too.) Everyone is always projecting (look at me, doing it now!). I fully believe you hate looking at yourself in the mirror. I really don't believe that everyone else hates looking at you. That's your feeling that you are projecting onto other people who may not have even properly registered you. Some probably do, yes, but if they're willing to write you off instantly you should just extend the same to them


I don't know how to get rid of old clothes and get more suitable ones. I have clothes from when I was 12. They don't really fit properly but I can't get rid of them. I know they are not good enough for the charity shop but I can't shake this feeling that they are too good for the textile recycling. It's a self-esteem problem - it's not good enough for random strangers, but more than I deserve - and it's really hard to deal with. I go shopping for clothes whenever someone gives me some money for it and I come home with nothing as it's all overpriced. It can't possibly *all* be overpriced, but that's the impression I get. Really frustrating! I think my other weird hoarding behaviours are either don't have a negative impact or actually have helped me, but this one is just annoying.