"poverty mentality"

quintwins

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

But I do! I don't wear jeans, but I'll continue to wear clothes that are worn out and don't fit me anymore until I go mad. I had a winter coat that was really old and fraying, I was practically in tears at one point because I felt like such a tramp in it but I couldn't bring myself to buy a new one. I finally bought a new one in the autumn but only because it was only £15. My old work shoes somehow split across the bottom, both of them, and I wore them like that for ages even though they embarassed me. I might be facing the same problem soon with my non-work skirt, it's so old it's wearing thin and sort of going see-through. I've been wearing it every weekend for the last 10 years I think. I only have the one because having more than one seems wasteful and vain again.

That's why I was surprised when everyone said they disagree with the "poverty mentality", because it is affecting me. Other people are probably more normal than me though

This is very sad, i hope you don't mind me saying but you clearly have very little self worth.

Look at this another way did anyone give you money as a gift laterly and you used it for a bill/savings? or did you sell something given as a gift? you could liberate that money and spend it on youself.

I'm also guilty of wearing my clothes to death, unless they are too small i can't deal with that, however if you start looking for a new shirt/shoes now when they completely die hopefully you'll have found a bargain and acually saved money.

The way you dress does change how you feel and your clearly very down, please buy yourself a bra, also it's amazing how that poundland nail vanish or new face scrub can perk you up.

if you don't sort yourself out now your more likely to splurge later, i remeber sewing the shoulder strap back into a tesco value bra and feeling just awful but at that time i really couldn't afford another....you can

also i think there is a difference in being vain and being well dressed and covered in make up, to me vain is a mindset and even the poorest person in a binbag can come across as vain

LittleMissAspie

PennyPinchingPrincess wrote: »

a couple of basic bras are all you need (wear one, wash one, you don't need a drawer full!) They don't need to be expensive.

I have three including this one, but the wire is coming out of another, so only one in good condition.

You are not vain for providing yourself with basic items of clothing.

also i think there is a difference in being vain and being well dressed and covered in make up, to me vain is a mindset and even the poorest person in a binbag can come across as vain

Off topic but I have trouble with anything to do with appearance. Growing up people always say that appearance doesn't matter, it's what's inside that counts. Then as an adult people who buy a lot of pretty things and wear a lot of makeup or who get plastic surgery get criticised, you see it in the papers all the time. So I can't help thinking that taking any notice of my appearance is vain. Someone will tell me there is a middle ground but I don't understand grey, look at my username!

Look at this another way did anyone give you money as a gift laterly and you used it for a bill/savings?

I got a sort of bonus at work and put it straight into my mortgage pot. I don't have a shortage of money, I just feel bad spending any of it.

RAS

GreyQueen wrote: »

IHowever, there is a definate phenomenon of some people having an unrealistic pessimism about their personal circumstances which leads them to deny themselves basic comforts, or even modest luxuries, which they could easily-afford. I wouldn't describe that as "poverty mentality" or even as "miserliness" as it's often a form of behaviour which has been deeply-entrenched by past hardships, sometimes even by behaviours inherited from parents or grandparents who were in dire circumstances.

About 20 years ago, I knew a lady in her retirement years, the widow of a self-made millionnaire businessman. Like someone else who has posted, she and her OH had come from dramatically-different economic backgrounds. She was the adored and much-indulged youngest daughter of a leading barrister, he was one of a large family who had grown up in utter destitution. She'd had everything money could buy and he had grown up hungry and shoeless.

She wasn't the slightest bit wasteful and described being driven to exasperation by her OH's hoarding of tinned foods, bought in bulk from the cash-and-carry. They ate her freshly-cooked gourmet foods not the stuff in tins and some of these cans were kept so long they actually exploded in storage. As a very fastidious housekeeper, this drove the lady nuts.

She told me she could never wean her beloved OH from this habit and his mantra was; "It's better to be looking at it, than looking for it."

To me, that sounds like fear speaking, and I wonder how many people who hoard, or scrimp beyond what appears to be necessity, are similarly-wounded?

I know a lady who grew up in "the Depression" in a single parent household where there was very little to eat, to wear or to use. She has been more comfortable in later life but the impact of that experience is in her bones, quite literally.

Many of my parents' generation also lived through the joys of WW11 and rationing. Combined with personal circumstances one learned to be extremely frugal living in a happy but poor household. When her families circumstances got worse she learned to make do, to mend and re-make.

Desparate to leave that life, she ignored warning signs when deciding on her partner.

However, when it did not work she had many skills needed to survive. We used to joke that she could stretch a half penny.

I am mindful that the experience marked me and my siblings; the basic of learning to eat seconds and thirds at school when I was not hungry so that the others could have some of my portion over the weekend took some time to sort out and unlearn.

I am a bit of a hoarder even now; I can see the child's pinafore in the good legs of tattered jeans for instance.

To pick up on lir's comments on the economy; do people remember the furore over the draft of Cameron's speech last autumn, suggesting families pay off their debt rather than spend?

Think about the consequences of everyone paying off their debt rather than spending. We are already in or just outside another "depression". If the great public stops buying, more shops will close, more small traders will have less work, and there will be fewer jobs and less tax raised amd more demand on the exchequer. And it would be very easy to get into a downward spiral in which fewer people working paying less tax buying less puttting more and more people out of work. And the banks would be bust because no-one would be paying interest because they no longer borrowed.

I remember someone commenting on their father who never did any DIY. He earned a reasonable but not huge amount and he never did a job in the house that could provide another (man) with an income. He saw it as part of the social pact that having a decent income required him to provide as much employment for others as possible.

I am not suggesting that we all go out and squander our (non-existant) savings on fripperies but that when we choose to spend we do so in a way that does most to support our local economies (including buying fair trade from the little local shop).

For the sake of the planet we need to reduce, pre-cycle, up cycle and re-use but when we have to spend on new if we can afford it we can help by making careful choices.

RAS

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I don't have a shortage of money, I just feel bad spending any of it.

Think not about spending it but about how your money can be recycled to create more wealth if you choose carefully.

lostinrates

RAS wrote: »

I know a lady who grew up in "the Depression" in a single parent household where there was very little to eat, to wear or to use. She has been more comfortable in later life but the impact of that experience is in her bones, quite literally.

Many of my parents' generation also lived through the joys of WW11 and rationing. Combined with personal circumstances one learned to be extremely frugal living in a happy but poor household. When her families circumstances got worse she learned to make do, to mend and re-make.

Desparate to leave that life, she ignored warning signs when deciding on her partner.

However, when it did not work she had many skills needed to survive. We used to joke that she could stretch a half penny.

I am mindful that the experience marked me and my siblings; the basic of learning to eat seconds and thirds at school when I was not hungry so that the others could have some of my portion over the weekend took some time to sort out and unlearn.

I am a bit of a hoarder even now; I can see the child's pinafore in the good legs of tattered jeans for instance.

To pick up on lir's comments on the economy; do people remember the furore over the draft of Cameron's speech last autumn, suggesting families pay off their debt rather than spend?

Think about the consequences of everyone paying off their debt rather than spending. We are already in or just outside another "depression". If the great public stops buying, more shops will close, more small traders will have less work, and there will be fewer jobs and less tax raised amd more demand on the exchequer. And it would be very easy to get into a downward spiral in which fewer people working paying less tax buying less puttting more and more people out of work. And the banks would be bust because no-one would be paying interest because they no longer borrowed.

I remember someone commenting on their father who never did any DIY. He earned a reasonable but not huge amount and he never did a job in the house that could provide another (man) with an income. He saw it as part of the social pact that having a decent income required him to provide as much employment for others as possible.

I am not suggesting that we all go out and squander our (non-existant) savings on fripperies but that when we choose to spend we do so in a way that does most to support our local economies (including buying fair trade from the little local shop).

For the sake of the planet we need to reduce, pre-cycle, up cycle and re-use but when we have to spend on new if we can afford it we can help by making careful choices.

Thank you RAS. I believe you truely get what i am trying to say and what i struggle with...becuas ethis creates a contradiction ppbetween personal responsibility and advancement and social responsibility and enhancement and environmental responsability!

ragz_2

I think LittleMissAspie's situation is beyond that of a poverty mentality and more about feelings of self worth and self esteem - clearly there are areas which overlap and blur the edges of course.

My Mum is just like this, they don't have a lot of money but if my Dad gives her money for clothes (she truly does look like a tramp) she more often than not spends it on food, gas/electric or anything else for the house (even though he would have given her other money for that if she asked). I buy her clothes for presents and any I see in her size at jumbles/charity shops but I really wish she would spend something on herself for a change (she will buy books though...) Her self confidence is awful and I think looking nice would actually help her feel better about herself...

Some of it is poverty mentality though, we lived in caravans in Wales (some without water or electric) and had very little money for a long time and she has still not adjusted to life in a flat in Sussex!

LittleMissAspie, please do go and get measured at a nice shop and buy yourself a decent bra... I won't say TREAT yourself, because it shouldn't be a treat it's something you need, but do treat yourself to a coffee and slice of cake afterwards and take it form us, you DO deserve it xx

katieowl_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Ingenious! Thank you,

But tbh, not sure i fancy it much.....for a start, mine would be a weekend case or holdall!

LOL Mine too You could loose things in the bottom!


Kate

katieowl_2

ragz wrote: »

My Mum is just like this, they don't have a lot of money but if my Dad gives her money for clothes (she truly does look like a tramp) she more often than not spends it on food, gas/electric or anything else for the house (even though he would have given her other money for that if she asked).

Now you see I have this problem with OH - he wears his work clothes ALL the time and yes he DOES also look like a tramp. A couple of weeks ago when we ended up in the shops together (rarely happens as I tend to shop with my girlfriends or adult DD's) I asked if there was anything he wanted? He said he could do with a new top...so DD took him to peruse. No joy there, but the next stop was Tesco, and he looked at the clothes there too, and picked up a men's 'value' fleece - I refused to buy him such a cheapie garment for 'best' as standing next to me he'd look like a poor relation :rotfl: I most of my clothes are CS, sale or TKMaxx and good quality, although I don't spend a lot.

He's turning into my Grandfather...it's really scary :eek: He used to drive my GM insane by dressing like a tramp, including his underwear (I just chuck anything I think is too disgraceful - that's where she went wrong!) and when he died she found he had shelf fulls of decent stuff, that he'd never worn, unopened packets and all! They were of course both war generation. My gran always had nice stuff, she bought second hand and even had a couple of fur coats!

Kate

mishmogs

Not sure if this qualifies as a comment on this thread but here goes....

each month I buy and give approx £10 of tinned and long life food to the t****** t**** in my town. (Dependant on monies available at the end of the week). I think there are people worse off then me in my local area.

a 'friend' called round and wanted to buy an item of furniture from me and I ask for £30. yep deal done only she never came back with the dosh so the item is still here. Said friend told me about clothes which she has just bought and has a lodger in her rented house, works 3 days a week OH works full time and as she is a cook she can stretch food etc. BUT she goes to this food bank and asks for and receives a box of food. (I know you can only receive a box if you are referred).

Nows my dilemma, she obviously has enough money now and still takes a box, although I appreciate that in the past she may have been in a bit of a pickle. What do I do? Let it go or tell them? I cant say anything to her as she has not responded to my messages re the piece of furniture.

I am like a lot of others on OS, I live carefully so I can pay my mortgage off early and save for a reasonably comfortable old age and try and help others along the way if I can. I try and reuse and recycle as much as I can.

quintwins

:A

mishmogs wrote: »

Not sure if this qualifies as a comment on this thread but here goes....

each month I buy and give approx £10 of tinned and long life food to the t****** t**** in my town. (Dependant on monies available at the end of the week). I think there are people worse off then me in my local area.

a 'friend' called round and wanted to buy an item of furniture from me and I ask for £30. yep deal done only she never came back with the dosh so the item is still here. Said friend told me about clothes which she has just bought and has a lodger in her rented house, works 3 days a week OH works full time and as she is a cook she can stretch food etc. BUT she goes to this food bank and asks for and receives a box of food. (I know you can only receive a box if you are referred).

Nows my dilemma, she obviously has enough money now and still takes a box, although I appreciate that in the past she may have been in a bit of a pickle. What do I do? Let it go or tell them? I cant say anything to her as she has not responded to my messages re the piece of furniture.

I am like a lot of others on OS, I live carefully so I can pay my mortgage off early and save for a reasonably comfortable old age and try and help others along the way if I can. I try and reuse and recycle as much as I can.

i wouldn't say anything and leave it as it is, you only know what her situation acually is only what she has told you and she could be trying to keep up appearances, short of seeing her bank statement you can't know she has enough money, maybe someone bought her gift vouchers or gave her money for xmas and insisted she spent it on herself. if she is well off karma is a good thing and all will come good one day, that goes for you aswell