"poverty mentality"

scrabbles_2

It's ironic isn't it? If you live sensibly and within your means, every man and his dog feels entitled to pass judgement and make comments.

And yet, if you conspicuously consume, wasting money on frivolities, getting into debts in the process, nobody is allowed to criticise because it's a personal matter.

Justamum

So true scrabbles. And the ensuing debt from wasting money is always someone else's fault - "the banks shouldn't have given me all those credit cards".

lostinrates

B and t, i don't think the point is about people who have bo choice with their money....its about people who do have choice.

I get the holocaust survivor thing. And, ime its passed down the generations....certainly my mil (daughter of a suvivor) hoarded, but in a way that also hampered her children imo. For various reasons i don't care to go into detail about that!

Also, scrabbles, i don't think its true that the reckless go unremarked on while the sensible are castigated on this thread, quite the contrary in fact. I think its absolutely true that people who spend too much need to address their habits, and how!, but the whole point of the op was not these people, nor peoe scraping by within their means! Imo its the latter who suffer more when those able to hoard and scrimp by choice do so.


As i said, i don't get these things right, or really know how to join all the dots, but i know if their is a place that can progress this then mse is that place....and outside the debate board it pretty much fails to progress this line of thought, and on the debate board its all very theoretical and hyper. I would like help with my day to day choices and understanding.

scrabbles_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Also, scrabbles, i don't think its true that the reckless go unremarked on while the sensible are castigated on this thread, quite the contrary in fact. I think its absolutely true that people who spend too much need to address their habits, and how!, but the whole point of the op was not these people, nor peoe scraping by within their means! Imo its the latter who suffer more when those able to hoard and scrimp by choice do so.

I wasn't talking about on this thread, or even on MSE. I meant in life, generally. Sorry if there was any ambiguity.

lostinrates

scrabbles wrote: »

I wasn't talking about on this thread, or even on MSE. I meant in life, generally. Sorry if there was any ambiguity.

Ah ues, well there i agree somewhat!:D


But otoh, if their is truth in the larger economic cycle, perhaps those of us with a natiral tendancy to scrimp unnecessarily take unwarranted satisfaction here, among likeminded peeps, as we unwittingly cause harm,or fail to help the situation? I don't know, and this is one of the things i would really love to get mse help with. It really is enough to make your head hurt when you look outside what is best for your househpld alone in the medium term....:o well it makes MY head hurt anyway!

LittleMissAspie

heretolearn wrote: »

If you act like you are poor you reinforce that in your expectations/approach to life

I totally agree with this. I've always had a lack of self-esteem and in moments of clarity I can see that being frugal makes me worse.

This morning when I was putting my bra on I realised it is too big around the band because it's such an old bra and has lost its elasticity. The cups still fit though. So the thought came into my head that you can buy new bra clasps so I could sew one on to make the band hook up tighter. Then I felt resentful that that's all I deserve - to make do with a tatty old bra badly mended (because I can't sew well) instead of a bright clean new bra.

I tried to see things from an MSE point of view, and I can imagine people beaming with pride over their mended bra, happy about saving £20. But I can't get into that mindset, I can only feel that I'm too worthless to spend £20 on.

Then I get confused because I want to have nice things but buying new things is bad and wasteful and selfish. And I just get so confused about what the right thing to do is, and I feel terrible if I continue to make do with my old trampy clothes that I'm embarassed to be seen in but I also feel terrible if I waste money on new ones and I just don't know what to do.

katieowl_2

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I totally agree with this. I've always had a lack of self-esteem and in moments of clarity I can see that being frugal makes me worse.

This morning when I was putting my bra on I realised it is too big around the band because it's such an old bra and has lost its elasticity. The cups still fit though. So the thought came into my head that you can buy new bra clasps so I could sew one on to make the band hook up tighter. Then I felt resentful that that's all I deserve - to make do with a tatty old bra badly mended (because I can't sew well) instead of a bright clean new bra.

I tried to see things from an MSE point of view, and I can imagine people beaming with pride over their mended bra, happy about saving £20. But I can't get into that mindset, I can only feel that I'm too worthless to spend £20 on.

Then I get confused because I want to have nice things but buying new things is bad and wasteful and selfish. And I just get so confused about what the right thing to do is, and I feel terrible if I continue to make do with my old trampy clothes that I'm embarassed to be seen in but I also feel terrible if I waste money on new ones and I just don't know what to do.

To take the bra as an example...If I loved it and I mended it I would be happy that I'd been able to mend it. If I hated it because it was old and worn out, I'd do my level best to replace it at the best price I possibly could... I'm a 'not off most pegs' size so my habit is to trail all the shops (including the expensive ones) on the look out for a bargain. Underwear and the sort of pricey sensible shoes I have to wear on a day to day basis are on my permenant 'look out for list' I automatically gravitate towards any 'sale' sign I happen to see...always check yellow stickers in TKMaxx etc. Upshot is that I have a collection of decent underwear bought very reasonably, and usually one pair of shoes for day to day in reserve.
(also helps that I like bright colours )

Now I don't see that as being of a 'poverty' mindset, just because I don't go and lash out on the first bra I see that I like, I prefer to see it as 'hunter gathering' with the thrill of the chase. I will wait for the sales.

Wearing your old clothes about the house whilst doing cooking and cleaning etc, and buying a few new ones to be seen in 'public in' is the way to go I think...

Kate

BitterAndTwisted

Buying new things isn't bad and wasteful and selfish. It's only selfish if you don't need them and can't afford them either. There's nothing wrong with a bit of selfishness now and then. If you're not going to look after yourself and your own interests properly now and then, who will?

About the holocaust hoarding: Primo Levy wrote about this most eloquently and from his own experience. So eloquently reading his books made me weep. If I'd suffered in the same way I'd probably hoard food until it rotted as well

lostinrates

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Buying new things isn't bad and wasteful and selfish. It's only selfish if you don't need them and can't afford them either. There's nothing wrong with a bit of selfishness now and then. If you're not going to look after yourself and your own interests properly now and then, who will?

About the holocaust hoarding: Primo Levy wrote about this most eloquently and from his own experience. So eloquently reading his books made me weep. If I'd suffered in the same way I'd probably hoard food until it rotted as well

Makes me cry too, primo levi. Should imagine it makes any right minded person weep.

But it also makes me cry to see the impact two generations on.

Little miss aspie, buy a bra, today. One that you an afford ...do you have any recreation money in your budget or is it all soaked up already? Try and buy something that You love, that makes you feel happy and feminine. I am sure if you do not feel worth it when you buy it you can do something good or kind to perhaps live up to it a little more. . A good deed bra!

lostinrates

katieowl wrote: »

To take the bra as an example...If I loved it and I mended it I would be happy that I'd been able to mend it. If I hated it because it was old and worn out, I'd do my level best to replace it at the best price I possibly could... I'm a 'not off most pegs' size so my habit is to trail all the shops (including the expensive ones) on the look out for a bargain. Underwear and the sort of pricey sensible shoes I have to wear on a day to day basis are on my permenant 'look out for list' I automatically gravitate towards any 'sale' sign I happen to see...always check yellow stickers in TKMaxx etc. Upshot is that I have a collection of decent underwear bought very reasonably, and usually one pair of shoes for day to day in reserve.
(also helps that I like bright colours )

Now I don't see that as being of a 'poverty' mindset, just because I don't go and lash out on the first bra I see that I like, I prefer to see it as 'hunter gathering' with the thrill of the chase. I will wait for the sales.

Wearing your old clothes about the house whilst doing cooking and cleaning etc, and buying a few new ones to be seen in 'public in' is the way to go I think...

Kate

I have a very pretty pink and gold bra which the wires keep popping out of depsite several repairs. It had a couple of beautiful dangly sparkly bits from it which are now sewn on dh's christmas stocking, but i still have the embroidered cups.....they must be good for something, and when i find it i will have them, and still having that thing i found beautiful will make me happy. Keeping wearing it while it stabbed me, or without the wires so it didn't do much for me was not working for me!