Our DMP Adventure or We Don't Have a Clue!

BlushingRose

So, tonight we had a row.
For once, not about money.
Mr BR had made an assumption about something concerning me and instead of asking me whether I wanted to do a thing, assumed I wouldn't want to and instead was planning to go to this thing with a mutual female friend (who really wants to go). This really hurt me, that he would assume and not ask and it was eating me up. Eventually he asked what was wrong and I told him - this then upset him and I, because of his reaction, then felt guilty for mentioning it.
I said I didn't actually want to do it but didn't want the assumption made, he was upset cos he'd hurt me and said that he wouldn't do it after all. This then made me feel guilty again and I said it wasn't fair for him to say that.
Since then we've said sorry, said we love each other, hugged etc but we're not *right*, you know?
Feel like curling up in a ball and just balling my eyes out (again)

miggy

Sometimes it takes a while to feel 'right' again but you've done the right thing - done what you can to sort it out. DH still gets things wrong about me though we've known each other 28 years (ulp!). It isn't for want of trying.

I will join you about the bike with a sympathetic "Waaahhhhhh!" People are probably right in suggesting you may get something for it as 'spares and repairs' - unless you know someone with a blow torch and could have a go at un-seizing it? I'm glad your bike will help fill the gap though sorry it's likely to end up as 'his'. Incidentally if you have a local auction, it's often worth looking there for a second-hand bike, or ask your local Police if they ever auction off unclaimed property (ours does) because they end up with lost/stolen/abandoned bikes that never get claimed.

Did you find something for your Mum? Notepaper's a nice idea. If she knows about all the travel you have coming up she may well just think you have a temporary cash-flow problem.

{Hugs}

BlushingRose

He's said sorry again today. He says he has a lot on his mind at the moment (he does, has a lot on at work) and it made him thoughtless. Personally, I think that's actually an excuse as this subject came up a couple of weeks ago and I mentioned about how I felt then (not enough, obv) and he wasn't busy then, but hey.

For Mum I just went for a cheap bath set, small, light and easy to post and pretty to look at. It's a token postal present really.

As for the bike, when we picked it up, the bike shop has, generously, tightened everything up and made it as good as they can. It will be ridable, and safe, for a little while yet they tell us (probably being kind as I told them how poor we were on the phone yesterday and then I asked them about their prices so they're thinking we'll go there for ant replacement) so my bike is safe. Having said that, he's taken the car today as he's working late tonight.

miggy

Somehow I missed that you had updated, sorry.

That's great about the bike. Both about his bike being back on the road and yours being safe! It also means a bit more towards petrol money doesn't it?

I don't know what it is with communicating with men (sorry to any men reading but men and women really don't seem to put things the same way). I have spent years feeling sorry for myself because the entire family didn't come running to help at tea time every time I yelled 'I can't find the sieve' (or whatever). I mean, how obvious is that? I can't find it - I'm obviously needing it or they won't get anything to eat - so why don't they come and help me find it? Do they not realise they are endangering themselves by staying in their armchairs?

So I hope your OH takes this as a wake-up call and pays proper attention in future. They should create a wish list (like on Amazon) for things we want to go to or do...

BlushingRose

Don't worry, I'm constantly missing updates (yours for example! lol)

Yeah, I get told that women are too subtle and we need to make ourselves more obvious. We pride ourselves on out communication (as the relationship was founded on it) but, sometimes I don't feel he hears me. Daft things too, like if I hear a crash in the kitchen (or wherever he is) I always call 'are you ok?' whereas if there's a crash where I am, I don't get that unless I give a yell, and even then not always (I think he's going deaf).
he tells me he loves me a lot (we tell each other) but I feel, certainly at the moment, that he takes me a bit for granted, or if not that, then he just makes assumptions.

miggy

It's remarkably hard to be more direct! At least it is for me. To me it's so OBVIOUS what I'm saying!

I'm always steering people in the direction of the 'Five Love Languages' book because I found it helpful... don't know if it helps the hard of hearing mind you. Ah - the Amazon version has a 'Look inside'.

I can't promise it will help but you may find something.

KWYM about people not hearing - we're always yelling in this house, largely because of lots of soft furnishing and walls. Annoying.

BlushingRose

Thanks.
I do have 'men are from Mars', I may need to get that out again although not helpful if only one of you reads it..

miggy

BlushingRose wrote: »

not helpful if only one of you reads it..

Too true.

I always meant to read 'Men are from Mars'. What did you think of it? I was going to borrow it off my friend but got distracted. I wonder if she still has it?

BlushingRose

It's ok, some of it makes sense, I think, although putting the stuff into practise is a bit of a nightmare at times. (I'm not very good at backing off when he goes into his 'cave' for example).

I just feel like the relationship is spoiled...I can't seem to be ok about it. He seems ok, he says we're ok, but I don't feel we are at all.

miggy

BlushingRose wrote: »

I just feel like the relationship is spoiled...I can't seem to be ok about it. He seems ok, he says we're ok, but I don't feel we are at all.

Oh that's not good. It takes a while to build trust again, I guess... maybe things will improve over the next few days? Hope so. Are you feeling something has been dismissed instead of dealt with, or that he's just saying that to make you feel it's okay and hasn't really decided to change?