Parents, honestly!

delain

Put the cheap washing up liquid in a fairy bottle, we refill the soap dispenser with cheaper handwash to avoid expensive refills.

Been known to do this with cereal as well when DD1 refused to eat tesco own... Now at 9 shes as bad as me, and my younger 2 asked if they could put their old stuff on eBay to buy new!

Can't help with the wider issue but if you try the switching I doubt they'll notice.

I used to pay 1/3 of what i earned when I lived at home, even from my weekend job when still at school, but we didn't have much money so I knew it went on bills etc.

Blue_Elephant

Delain - I can't really do that when they won't let me do the shopping, I don't want to do this without them knowing because they'll just revert to type when I leave home. I'm trying to get them to see it.

Without this sounding odd, I get the feeling it's way easier to get your kids on board than your parents! As someone else pointed out, they have the benefit of thinking "Well I managed for X amount of years doing things my way"

euronorris

The next time they ask for more money, why not just say 'OK, but it seems clear now that the amount we originally agreed on isn't enough. Can we please sit down again, and agree on a more suitable figure?'.

That should open the door for a discussion about a more realistic figure, as 45 quid per week is very cheap. I only paid about 150 quid per month at my parents, but I was under no illusion of how good of a deal I was getting, and I wasn't experiencing the same/similar issues you are.

Once a new figure is agreed, stick to it. If they ask for more, ask why. ie, "We need another 20 quid from you. " - You respond "Why? What is it for? I thought we had agreed on XXX amount. Is it not enough?".

That should help you to a) pay a more fair contribution and b) get to the root cause of these requests for extra money. It might also make them stop and think about how they are spending their money if it isn't lasting.

Also, if you get to a point where you are paying a fair contribution, and they are still asking for more money, you will be in a much stronger position to say "No. I have paid an equal contribution towards x, y & z costs. Any spends outside of those shared items is your costs, not mine.".

Blue_Elephant

Euronorris - That's not a bad idea actually. And don't worry I know that I'm getting a really good deal and part of the reason it is so low is that they want me to build up cash reserves.

I worked out through the course of this thread it's not the amount that's bothering me, its that I can't budget for how much they're going to want because I don't know! £70 per week is about a 1/3 of my take home, so I'm going to budget for that amount and keep the extra aside. What was bothering me was the asking for more when I thought I'd already paid it.

I never have this conversation with my dad - in fact he pretends he doesn't know anything about it. - My mum told me he'd told JCP. heh.

euronorris

Other than agreeing on a suitable figure, and both sides sticking to it, I don't think you should do anything else.

They may not be very MSE, but that is up to them. So, just work on getting a figure that you're all happy with, sticking to it and leaving it at that. Don't comment on what they buy, or how they spend their money. It will only cause arguments, and it isn't really any of your business.

I know it's difficult to stand by and watch when you think someone is making a mistake(s), but they are their mistakes to make.

pogofish

Looks to me that the OP needs to get out and leave her parents to stew for a while - they clearly have some growing-up to do.

findingmyownway

How far away are you from being able to move out? By buying a house I mean, as you seem to have disregarded renting. Perhaps this has some bearing - if you're only going to be there for another 6-12 months or so then perhaps just let things lie, whereas if you're planning on staying for several more years then a more permanent solution is needed.

Judith_W

OP I do think that your parents have made it clear they don't want you being involved in their finances. I think you need to take a step back and imagine you have a landlord asking for rent. It is none of your business what the landlord is spending your rent on or why their rate increase has been asked.

As others have said, as long as you are paying below market rate for renting elsewhere, you can't comment.

If and when you leave they will just have to learn to live without the money, and as you have indicated there are lots of areas they can do this in so I imagine it won't take too long for them to start learning how to manage on less, if at that stage they are happy for advice you could help them.

OP, I do think some people are not happy with their children knowing about their finances and you just have to accept that and pay what you ask as long as it is a reasonable amount

whiteguineapig

very good advice in the above post (it describes my own parents lol)

margaretclare

Without this sounding odd, I get the feeling it's way easier to get your kids on board than your parents! As someone else pointed out, they have the benefit of thinking "Well I managed for X amount of years doing things my way"

Yes, that is soooo true. And of course, they did (manage doing things their way). What has changed, however, is the uncertainty of your Dad's employment situation, the general economic climate and difficulty for anyone finding a job, and last but by no means least, the fact that you're a grown-up young lady now, not a child as you were in those earlier times, and you have your own views, opinions and experiences, which your parents seem to want to discount.

OP, I do think some people are not happy with their children knowing about their finances and you just have to accept that and pay what you ask as long as it is a reasonable amount

Again, very true. However, it's very difficult, isn't it, when you're all living under the same roof not to have at least a fair idea of the parents' finances and to see them making mistakes with money which you could/would do differently.

What was it that Mark Twain wrote about his father: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."