Parents, honestly!

Blue_Elephant

wow thanks everyone!

Whitewing - that's a good point. I've been getting randomly frustrated by other things recently, and my brothers has recently been over for a visit from Australia, and of course he's the prodigal son, and took them out for a meal, and I never do anything for them... That put my back up slightly lol. I don't want to live with another indian girl, I'm not very good at fitting in with my culture most of the time! hehe. You're right though, I should probably cut him a bit of slack.

McKneff - I'm not trying to dictate to them how to live their life, I'm trying to help. I ultimately have no issue not living there, they don't want me to move out though and I know it would hurt them if I just upped sticks.

As for the rules - "we're not willing to look at how we live, even if it makes life better and you're expected to make up the shortfall, oh and you can't move out because that'll embarrass us and we could do with more cash"?

VfM4meplse - Mum originally didn't want any money, I insisted I pay something. Now they've got used to having the money...

And actually that may not be such a bad idea..

Cherry_bomb - that's true. I think that's part of the problem. They were moneywise when we were kids mostly because they had to be. Any debt (except a mortgage) is bad debt school of thought. They still don't have debt, I'm just worried there will be a point I won't be able to help them anymore - by having bought a home or moved town etc, and they'll keep spending.

I'm not telling them to eat differently, just plan what they want so they don't buy stuff that'll go to waste, or let me do the food shop. I'm not telling them not to buy things, just to consider if they'll use it!

I do however whinge that the house is too hot, mostly because it makes me ill!

Does that make sense?

Whitewing - being an indian daughter - they don't know I smoke. I don't smoke a lot, but indian girls really shouldn't. Mum doesn't no.

ONW - that was part of my question, the £45 was initially agreed upon as mum didn't want to take anything and I insisted. What do you think a realistic amount would be for food/bills? Like I said earlier, no mortgage and I don't use (or gain benefit from) either of their cars.

motherofstudents

Sorry, I'm with your parents on this (yeah, I know...I would be). I think it's their house, bills etc and so it's up to them. You are making a contribution which is fair enough I think but it enables you to save. You will get nowhere nagging them. All you can do is try to lead by example so maybe show them when you get something cheap eg shampoo....say you get a nice shampoo but not a well known brand and just comment on it, how it works just as well as the expensive brand but you have saved money. It's worth a try, otherwise just let them live how they want.

VfM4meplse

You could use the ultimate incentive of course...encourage them to save money for your wedding, which is one time even the most frugal Indian parent likes to show off .

Person_one

It must be very frustrating, I understand your thinking completely. You're happy to help but its galling to hand over money and see it wasted needlessly!

I realise you're up against some cultural barriers here but as they're already breaking with the norms by charging you rent etc. is moving out really not an option?

Blue_Elephant

Motherof students - I've been trying that, and even the old "oh look I've found this branded thing from the poundshop/bodycare and it's much cheaper!!" It falls on deaf ears. And don't apologise! I want views from all sides!

VfM4meplse - That would just be giving them ideas!! And false hope that I'll get married off. Kudos though, you just made me snort my tea!

duchy

If they don't have any debt and you are paying below market rate rent then yes-their home-and their way of doing things.

I think if you want to help them gain better ways with money then you'll need to be a lot more subtle-and possibly a bit more respectful too

Blue_Elephant

Person_One that is it exactly, I don't mind helping out, but on the other hand I really don't want them to rely on my living here. I'm looking for other, better jobs, some of which could take me out of town. I really don't want them to need my money, I want them to be able to use it for treats, but if they don't sort out their finances, they're going to rely on it. They won't even let me check that they're getting the best deals for fuel, insurance etc. It's all they know best. I don't want to move out for the sake of moving out, simply because it would hurt them. O the other hand I don't want to feel I can't if life takes me elsewhere.

Duchy, I've tried the Please let me help route, and that has got me nowhere, do you have any suggestions on how I could go about it? I don't want to upset them, I just want to make sure they get the best life they can, they aren't getting any younger, they don't really have pension provisions from what I can tell and the chances of Dad getting another job at 60 are slim. His trade back in the day were the cotton mills, but they all closed down. He's too proud to even let me help with his CV. He's applying for work in the customer service sector, something I know a lot about, but even so.

whitewing

You must take the opportunities for yourself as they arise.

I know it may not be easy for your dad to get another job in this environment but older people can and do get new jobs, especially if they remain young at heart.

Maybe you could just chatter a bit more to your dad so you start building an adult-adult relationship. It's very easy to get stuck into parent and child mode.

londonsurrey

They're adults, living in their house, you've offered to help, and they've declined. They want more money.
Tell them what works for you. Would it help if you formalised it more, e.g. increase the weekly amount to double. And tell them not to whinge to you if they need more, as you've stuck to your side of the agreement.

Then save like mad for your escape! Lol.

Valli

If it weren't for the fact that you smoke I'd invite you to stay here for a bit, not least because my teenage son could do with learning a few of the budgetting lessons you've managed to;)

other than that tell 'em what your limit is and stick to it;)