Parents, honestly!

Blue_Elephant

I'm in my twenties and live with my parents. I pay them rent for food/bills etc. They own their home outright.

Dad's been made redundant, and is currently on Conts based JSA. He has worked all his life and is finding this difficult. He also spends £50 odd a week on cigarettes. (This is relevant, bear with me). The JSA will stop once the conts based runs out as he won't be entitled to income based as my mum works.

Mum and dad are both wasteful. They leave the heating on until the house is far too hot. The windows are open because dad mostly smokes in the house rather than going outside. They do the food shopping as I don't buy "enough" food if I do it. The truth is they buy too much and it goes to waste. They buy stupid gadgets and kitchen stuff without even considering if they'll use it. Fancy stuff from washing the car from QVC, again, things that we don't need. This has been worse since Dad's been at home and has time to watch QVC and the like. They are very brand concious and when I brought home the aldi washing up liquid which has been proved to be just as good there was lots of muttering.

When I try to talk to them about this, it's all "our house, our way". Which is fine, but I'm living here because I'm trying to save for a house deposit, and because they want me to. They don't want their unmarried indian daughter renting to live apart from them in the same town. Society don't like that.

I also don't like the fact that their sole solution to their finances is simply to ask for more money from me, when there are so many other places they could cut back, as MSE describes it, painlessly. They won't let me help, they won't meal plan, and if I try to, no one will stick to it. They won't even write a shopping list!

I just don't think it's fair that he spends most of his JSA on cigarettes, and I'm expected to take up the slack when neither of them will try to have fewer outgoings. What do I do?

Also, what do you think is fair for me to be paying them?

whiteguineapig

whether they like it or not i think you should go
maybe you could look at renting a room in a shared house then you are not really on your own? it sounds like you are getting way to stressed and its not worth it

Oldernotwiser

How much are you paying and what do they want you to pay in the future?

Person_one

I think you are within your rights to insist on better budgeting. If you're the one paying for stuff them you get final say on what brand it is! They'll get used to the Aldi stuff soon enough, seeing as its no different!

I would be looking at moving out though, if for no other reason than all that second hand smoke.

whitewing

You either chip away at making the moneysaving thing work. With my own family, it is so tempting to want to go for a radical overhaul but they are used to doing things their way so you have to be patient, or you move out. You could perhaps try to move out in a way that is more culturally acceptable, maybe flat sharing with another Indian girl (if that would be possible).

Try and be patient with your Dad. Being made redundant knocks the stuffing out of you. It is horrible. Perhaps you could think of some father/daughter things to do to make the most of his extra availability, especially if you do want to leave home at some point.

McKneff

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

How much are you paying and what do they want you to pay in the future?

You just beat me to it there ONW,

OP, if you dont like the rules, move. simple as that really.
I bet it'll cost you a lot more to live elswhere.

I certainly wouldnt let my son/daughter dictate to me how I live my life, even if they are paying a bit of board money.

VfM4meplse

I must say that your parents surprise me, as it's usually a matter of great shame for Indian parents to take money from daughters....esp to blow it on cigarettes and unnecessary goods.

Your parents are unlikely to listen to you as you are their child (this would apply even if you were Bill Gates). I would suggest that you delete this thread and then get your dad hooked on MSE. To work, you need to make sure it's "his" idea and he'll lap up all the moneysaving suggestions....maybe an email to a link from a well-respected elder may induce an interest? He'll also fiind a better way of spending his time and probably start to drive you mad with his new-found penny-pinching ways.

Good luck.

Cherry_Bomb

It's a fine line between you implementing changes in order to improve things and dictating what they can and cannot buy.
They are your parents and have managed ok for the last ?40 maybe 50 years without your financial expertise.

How much do you pay them? Do you always give in when they ask for money?

Blue_Elephant

I'm currently paying £45 per week to include bills and food. At the moment they haven't decided how much, they just want me to pay some of the bills on top. They have no rent or mortgage to pay. I know that that is a good deal, but I only eat evening meals in the house, and never want the heating or anything on because the house is too hot to begin with! The whole point is that it leaves me to save for my own house.

I would however worry and get stressed anyway if they got themselves into financial dire straits, and in some ways it's easier to bail them out a bit at a time than to find a few years down the line they've completely messed up.

Person 1 - I don't pay for everything, I just contribute. The second hand smoke is less of an issue - I somke too. Although a lot less and I am trying to stop!

whitewing

I was under the impression that unfiltered second hand smoke is worse. Why don't you both try and give up smoking together, support each other and then you'll both have extra cash and it will all seem better.

Does your mum smoke?

Oldernotwiser

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

I'm currently paying £45 per week to include bills and food. At the moment they haven't decided how much, they just want me to pay some of the bills on top. They have no rent or mortgage to pay. I know that that is a good deal, but I only eat evening meals in the house, and never want the heating or anything on because the house is too hot to begin with! The whole point is that it leaves me to save for my own house.

I would however worry and get stressed anyway if they got themselves into financial dire straits, and in some ways it's easier to bail them out a bit at a time than to find a few years down the line they've completely messed up.

Person 1 - I don't pay for everything, I just contribute. The second hand smoke is less of an issue - I somke too. Although a lot less and I am trying to stop!

I think that it would be reasonable to offer to pay a more realistic amount for your board, given that your father's been redundant.

The issue of their wasting money seems to me to be completely separate and nothing really to do with you.