Parents, honestly!

Oldernotwiser

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

ONW - that was part of my question, the £45 was initially agreed upon as mum didn't want to take anything and I insisted. What do you think a realistic amount would be for food/bills? Like I said earlier, no mortgage and I don't use (or gain benefit from) either of their cars.

Off the top of my head, I'd say £60/70 per week because, after all, £10 a day for living expenses is very cheap.

Perhaps you could make sure the food budget includes stuff to make yourself a packed lunch, which would partly offset the extra cost.

lostinrates

They are declaring the momey you pay them, i assume, and on that basis i woul dpay them the tax exempt amount per week...which is just over £80. Presuming lodging in you area is that amount or more for a room.

I am with them on theor house their rules, but i would consider asking them to consider some things...e.g. Turning the heationg of at the radiator in your room for example, might mean you feel you ar not responsible for a greater part of the heating bill...and you could ask for some space to store your own food.


But really, i think the best plan might be to move into a shared house with other people your age. I know your parents won't lipke it, it may infact make them consider if the income from your rent is worth compromising a little with you, but also, because it might be good for you to try a different situation.

I do understand your situation having lived at home, with a dh, as an adult!

LisaB85

I have no advice but my situation is similar, I am feeling so stressed I went to the doctor who has mentioned if I don't manage the stress I will be on my way to a nervous breakdown.

It is a constant battle having to deal with 2 people who are irresponsible and one who takes the !!!! so I have had to take a step back and let them screw up as long as I'm ok that is all that matters at the moment.

If they want heating 24/7 on and run out of gas and can't afford more then it is their tough !!!!, not good for me but I'd cope. I pay my rent I just can't handle being lent on anymore.

Blue_Elephant

Jo jo - Thank you, you actually made me laugh out loud Tried talking to mum today, she was a bit awkward about me raising the rent permanently and would rather I just "helped out" when they needed it - *headdesk* so I'm going to keep the extra £25 aside for when I need to help out.. Thank you for pointing out that they can't be completely daft, I lose sight of that sometimes.

ONW I'm going to set it at £70 per week but mum only wants £45, so I will set aside the extra when needed. At the moment I want/need a hot meal at lunchtime and we have a subsidised canteen, I will look into packed lunches for the summer though, thank you.

LIR I know Dad mentioned it to the jobcentre, and they said it made no difference as he is on Conts based. As for tax reasons what I pay them is still below the threshold for taking in a lodger.

The radiator in my room *is* off, for the simple reason that I get far too warm. I have no intention of "having my own food" for two reasons - me and mum both work full time, and we share the cooking for the family. They are my parents not my housemates. The second reason is that I'm not convinced that me buying my own food would make them buy any less and therefore lead to even more waste! I've lived on my own before both as a student and while working, I already know what that's like. I may consider it in the future, but I don't want to hurt them if I can help it. And to be fair, my problems are small compared to those other people have with their families, or even problems I have had with them in the past.

LisaB - If it's affecting you that much I would look at moving out. Yes I posted here to ask for advice and advice I did get, but I'm merely annoyed/irritated/frustrated. If it's actually affecting your ability to live your life, please look after yourself. Are there any reasons you couldn't move out? As others have pointed out, my parents can't always have been irresponsible, have yours always been like this or is it a recent development? Can your doctor help you deal with the stress? Is it just their finances that contribute to the stress? Or are there other factors? I hope you're alright *hugs*

VfM4meplse

Person_one wrote: »

How arrogant, and strange.

I'm afraid it doesn't really matter whether you 'do' multiculturalism or not, other cultures besides yours will continue to exist regardless of your approval or acknowledgment.

Person_one, you always give good advice, but margaretclare often gets a hard time for expressing views that are consistent with others of her generation. If I thought there was anything mendacious about it I would be the first to raise it.

I personally too have a huge disregard for "multiculturalism" when it is used as an excuse for oppressing women by the men that practice it.

Person_one

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Person_one, you always give good advice, but margaretclare often gets a hard time for expressing views that are consistent with others of her generation. If I thought there was anything mendacious about it I would be the first to raise it.

I personally too have a huge disregard for "multiculturalism" when it is used as an excuse for oppressing women by the men that practice it.

What you're talking about is having an issue with problematic aspects of some cultures. I do too, nearly every culture has its less savoury aspects. Nobody 'practices' multiculturalism though, it just is!

I doubt that was margaretclare's line of thinking, and I'm sorry but I don't 'do' excusing prejudicial attitudes on the grounds of age. If my thoroughly working class Northern grandparents in their eighties can understand tolerance and understanding between cultures than anyone can. Its not exactly groundbreaking radical stuff.

mountainofdebt

In fairness to Margaretclare I think what she meant by she didn't do multiculturalism is she doesn't believe in the excuses that some people use under the umbrella of "its part of my culture",whatever their background is.

margaretclare

Who brought age into this discussion? My views are my own and they have nothing to do with age. I have many friends a couple of generations younger and they all feel exactly the same.

It's more to do with 'oh it's a different culture' being used as an excuse. The OP wrote that 'Indian girls don't smoke' although she does, and I accept that my views on smoking are probably pretty extreme. I am very thankful that most of my descendants have not picked up on this habit, and the thankfulness is not because of 'culture' but, mainly, because of health. And also expense.

I sympathise with the OP, but IMHO this is part of the stresses and strains of living in a multi-generational household, where the parents have one set of norms and she has another. Bit like my DH found when he was her age, and yes, he comes from a different 'culture' too.

gonzo127

skipping over a lot of the posts, just wanted to say the general 'rule' for keep at a parents house seems to be variable, but most people (on this site) seem too feel 1/3rd of the persons take home money is about right.

Blue_Elephant

Blimey. Umm ok. The only reason I brought up that "Indian girls don't smoke" was a tongue in cheek way of explaining why my parents don't know that I do.

[QUOTE}this is part of the stresses and strains of living in a multi-generational household, where the parents have one set of norms and she has another. Bit like my DH found when he was her age, and yes, he comes from a different 'culture' too[/QUOTE]

Pretty much this.

Gonzo - they wouldn't take it.