Whats the best way to ask for money on a wedding invitation?

Hadley1

EllieBelly1 wrote: »

We have booked our honeymoon with Kuoni and they have a gift list thingy on their website you can use. They send you out little cards to put in your invite. They were actually wonderful to book through, we went back and forth about what we wanted and they were really patient and informative and put together a fantastic package for us.

Hi Ellie, I am thinking of using Kuoni to book a safari holiday. So good to know they are helpful. Have you sent out your invites yet? If so, how have they gone down?

becca0417

We felt it was rude to send anything out with our invites. We do have a gift list and have had people asking us so have then given them the cards. I certainly wouldn't include bank details!

stir_crazy

I wouldn't include bank details, we are having a small gift list for those who are quite traditional and would like to give us gifts, otherwise we're waiting till people ask and then asking for small monetary gifts.

duchy

I didn't really have an issue about people asking for money as wedding gifts until I saw one bride and groom along with mothers in a travel agency I worked in go through the contribution list for their holiday/honeymoon (guests either called in or phoned to contribute ) and comment on each person's generosity or meaness (in their opinion) very loudly. They were even working out who was still to contribute and working out how much they could expect from them. Made my skin crawl.

White_Sapphire

duchy wrote: »

I didn't really have an issue about people asking for money as wedding gifts until I saw one bride and groom along with mothers in a travel agency I worked in go through the contribution list for their holiday/honeymoon (guests either called in or phoned to contribute ) and comment on each person's generosity or meaness (in their opinion) very loudly. They were even working out who was still to contribute and working out how much they could expect from them. Made my skin crawl.

:eek::eek: That is awful. I think though that that is more of an indication of those people's general natures than of couples who ask for honeymoon contributions in general. We are asking for honeymoon contributions and will be grateful for anything we get at all, and would rather people spend their hard-earned money on being at our wedding than on giving us anything.

stir_crazy

duchy wrote: »

I didn't really have an issue about people asking for money as wedding gifts until I saw one bride and groom along with mothers in a travel agency I worked in go through the contribution list for their holiday/honeymoon (guests either called in or phoned to contribute ) and comment on each person's generosity or meaness (in their opinion) very loudly. They were even working out who was still to contribute and working out how much they could expect from them. Made my skin crawl.

This is absolutely digusting behavoiur.

minerva_windsong

*gets out tin opener for can of worms*

My personal opinion is that you shouldn't put any information about gift lists, requests for money etc on the invitation, mainly because to me it would feel cheeky and I like expected people to give stuff/money (although I should stress I'm not saying that anyone here is doing that!). If there are no details on the invite then most people will contact the couple or their parents to ask what they would like. I know some people will make the argument that it's wasting people's time but I don't buy that - it only takes five minutes on the phone or if needs be a text or email to a whole list of people.

But as these threads always show, ultimately it's down to personal opinion if and how you do it.

ampafc

kaylee* wrote: »

I think it's cheeky and a bit tacky to ask for anything!
I think you should wait for people to ask what you would like, then you can tell them.

We have about 300 people coming to our wedding - so your suggestion is not very practical for us.

We are putting a gift listy in with our invites, which is very common. We don't care how many people give uis a gift - wedding's should NEVER be about trying to get as much gifts/money as you can!!

Personally I don't like the idea of asking for money, even if you say it is being put towards certain things.

And the worst possible thing to do is to include a cheesy poem! Do you think that by being 'cute', certain people will be happier to give you money?

BugglyB

I have to say when I see those poems I never read them I just look at the first line and think 'oh they want money' and then start calculating how much I can afford on top of clothes, travel, drinks, etc.

Idiophreak

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I know some people will make the argument that it's wasting people's time but I don't buy that - it only takes five minutes on the phone or if needs be a text or email to a whole list of people.

Those 5 minutes calls will add up and most will be rather longer than five minutes (people aren't just going to call and say "hi, what do you want? OK, bye"). People are going to be busy in the build up to the wedding and getting a couple of calls each evening to answer the same questions would be pretty tiresome.

And you'll leave yourself open to the people that just won't call and will get you a house from lilliput lane instead. They'll waste their money, you'll get something to sit in a cupboard or the attic for the rest of your life - who's the winner?

Personally, I understand why people don't like "asking" for money and I think the way you phrase it is very important (hate to say it, but I'd never include the words "may we please respectfully request a monetary gift" as in Dorset Lady's example), as it can offend people easily.

For this reason, I started a website and simply provided a link to that on the invite - then on the site there was a list of things we wanted to do on honeymoon that we'd appreciate contributions toward. Of course, we dressed it up in the necessary "honestly, we don't want gifts, but..." nonsense. This meant that people could feel they were contributing to a certain thing and we sent photos to match in the thank you cards. This worked well as we got to retain all of the money (an issue with a number of the gift lists that let you do this - some of them take around 10%!)

I really think it's about time we lost all the formality and "properness" about this, though...it's just such a waste of time and energy.