Absolutely mortified....how could she do this and why?*update*

teabag29

daska wrote: »

Then how about a single letter addressed to ALL the professionals (education and health) that have been involved in her case asking them to have a joint meeting and make up their minds as to what the problem is? So that there can be a clear plan put in place to address the problems with your daughter AND the resultant problems that she causes for your other children. Copy to your GP and SS and School Governors and to the bosses that run the other services.

what happened with the CAF?

We have (or supposed to) a caf every 6 weeks initiated by me. So far we've just talked about bullying and still nothings changed. We were due to talk about the education side this week but the caf was cancelled for the 4th time in a row. Even when it goes ahead its full of apologies as half the people dont turn up. Senco has made it clear to me and psychologist that dd wont be getting anymore help in school....resources....funding....very high level of sen at that school same old story. I would move schools like a shot but have absolutely no way of getting her to another school and ive exhausted every option on that score. I have thought long and hard about home education but im cautios due to her behaviour, she may well refuse to do anything and then ive shot myself in the foot. Also the only break i get is when shes at school

elisamoose

There should be a lead professional for the CAF (common assessment framework). This person should have helped you complete the CAF and convened the TAC (team around the child) meeting.The LP should have made sure that all agencies involved or needed should attend the first meeting.A delivery plan should have been agreed and review meetings held every 6 weeks or so.
If this is not happening then your local authority should have a CAF co ordinator who you can contact for advice.
sory if this is stuff you already know , but your post sounded as if you had been left hanging by whoever did your CAF!

teabag29

the head of year 7 filled out the caf forms after 4 mths of blagging me. She has never been to any of the meetings, apparently the headteacher has said she wants her staff teaching. We have not had a tac meeting although ive read about these?? No ep has ever been, school nurse has been once. Usually its me, dd, parent partnership, the lady who does the caf, sometimes the school police officer and a member of the youth club where the caf is held and once the nurse turned up. Dds psychologist has only been to 1 too, tring to get everyone together has proved impossible. Senco has never turned up either so how can things move forward

Sambucus_Nigra

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Does she know why you were separated when she was a baby?

Bumping...

flashnazia

I explained that shes right i do treat her differently but not in a bad way, she gets 90% of my attention and time, she has horse riding and swimming lessons every week, i pay for extra tuition to try and help her, designer bag and clothes etc etc.

Unless you want your other children to resent you, you need to stop giving her so much attention. You buy a designer bag for a child that behaves this badly? What kind of message does that send out to her?

Don't say she doesn't know what she is doing. As others have said she knows exactly what she is doing and what buttons to push...

daska

Has anyone ever tried applying for a statutory assessment? I know you say that you've been told there's no chance but has anyone ever tried? If not why not? Why not apply personally - include all the info you have from all the professionals, ask your GP for copies if you are missing any. You could ring IPSEA for more specific advice about this. We had to do this with DS2 because we could not get a referral to the EP any other way.

Has she seen an occupational therapist for the sensory issues? If not ask for a referral from the GP.

Ring the council and ask who heads the team of CAF coordinators. Write to them saying that you've not had a CAF for x weeks and please could they help you sort it out because you're at your wits end. (We've just had to request a change of coordinator because ours was pants. Just because people hold a position doesn't mean they are good at it.)

And maybe, just maybe you have start saying that you have come to accept that you can't give the other 3 what they need AND give her what she needs and that you will need to put her into care - EVEN IF IT ISN'T HOW YOU FEEL! Because that, if nothing else this will stick a rocket up people's backsides. N.B. This is not saying that this is what you WANT to happen, it's saying that you see no other option unless people work together to find the appropriate resolution.

teabag29

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Bumping...

sorry missed this post. We have discussed her dad at length and she knows what he did and that she had to live with my mum for a while while they made sure it was safe for her to return home. She doesnt remember this though, she was only 18mths old and returned age 2.5

Regarding the attention thing, as i have said my attention with her is mostly educational, she gets the same love as the others but they are all in top groups and she is really struggling so she gets alot more help. The bag she got was for xmas and wasnt to reward bad behaviour, she isnt always bad, she has a very loving good side to her too, what you may call a split personality.

I still dont know if its relevant as camhs said its unlikely but my birth mother (never knew her) was a skitzophrenic and dd's father had borderline personality disorder and special education needs so i dont know if this is a hereditory thing

teabag29

daska wrote: »

Has anyone ever tried applying for a statutory assessment? I know you say that you've been told there's no chance but has anyone ever tried? If not why not? Why not apply personally - include all the info you have from all the professionals, ask your GP for copies if you are missing any. You could ring IPSEA for more specific advice about this. We had to do this with DS2 because we could not get a referral to the EP any other way.

Has she seen an occupational therapist for the sensory issues? If not ask for a referral from the GP.

Ring the council and ask who heads the team of CAF coordinators. Write to them saying that you've not had a CAF for x weeks and please could they help you sort it out because you're at your wits end. (We've just had to request a change of coordinator because ours was pants. Just because people hold a position doesn't mean they are good at it.)

And maybe, just maybe you have start saying that you have come to accept that you can't give the other 3 what they need AND give her what she needs and that you will need to put her into care - EVEN IF IT ISN'T HOW YOU FEEL! Because that, if nothing else this will stick a rocket up people's backsides. N.B. This is not saying that this is what you WANT to happen, it's saying that you see no other option unless people work together to find the appropriate resolution.

yes i explained in a previous post with the help of parent partnership we applied for one and still fighting it through appeals but they say we have no chance, funding has been stripped and there are children much worse off educationally and behaviourally that are being turned down

teabag29

daska wrote: »

Has she seen an occupational therapist for the sensory issues? If not ask for a referral from the GP.

Yes she saw a ot who threw a ball at her that was bigger than a beach ball and she caught it so they said her motor skills are fine, she was in and out in 5 mins. I spoke to them about sensory issues and they said it could possibly be sensory processing disorder but they have no funding in our area to test for it so all they can do is add her name to a long list with all the others. They said same as paediatrician that they deal with much younger kids. They did however look at the list of concerns i took with me and mentioned attachment disorder too, it was them who referred her to paediatrian. They also refered her to speech and language (as she has trouble finding her words and everything becomes thingy) back in october..... her 1st appt is in 2 weeks and thats only because ive applied for statement and they need to do a report

daska

teabag29 wrote: »

Yes she saw a ot who threw a ball at her that was bigger than a beach ball and she caught it so they said her motor skills are fine, she was in and out in 5 mins. I spoke to them about sensory issues and they said it could possibly be sensory processing disorder but they have no funding in our area to test for it so all they can do is add her name to a long list with all the others. They said same as paediatrician that they deal with much younger kids. They did however look at the list of concerns i took with me and mentioned attachment disorder too, it was them who referred her to paediatrian. They also refered her to speech and language (as she has trouble finding her words and everything becomes thingy) back in october..... her 1st appt is in 2 weeks and thats only because ive applied for statement and they need to do a report

Sorry, I misunderstood what you were saying about the statementing.

I know you've said previously that she runs away, is she VERY active? The kind that bumps into things deliberately, does headstands, grips very tightly, always does things with too much emphasis?