Is there a set time to meet an internet love intreast?

yvonne13_2

angelil wrote: »

^^ Or, on the positive side of such stories, I flew out to Paris to meet my now-husband for the first time, staying at his student apartment. Was this mad and dangerous? Possibly But as it happened it all worked out perfectly - everything went without a hitch. These things *can* work out occasionally, so I would never say someone shouldn't do it, although I would probably still argue that people need to have more of an exit strategy in place than I did (anything's better than none ).

I'm glad that everything worked out for you, but I personally am not getting on a plane to meet anyone for the first time.

I guess I will just have to do things different next time and get their number but its difficult when they claim not to remember it.

zzzLazyDaisy

yvonne13 wrote: »

I guess I will just have to do things different next time and get their number but its difficult when they claim not to remember it.

If they claim not to remember their phone number, that should immediately put you on red alert.

Also, be very wary of the men who will give you their mobile number but not their land-line. Chances are there is a wife at home (especially if the mobile always goes to voicemail in the evenings unless you have pre-arranged a time to call).

I met someone on a dating site last year - mailed and phoned for a couple of weeks, and then met up. We seemed to get on well, but I was alert to the fact that I only had his mobile number and while we texted frequently during office hours, and he would phone me at the end of the working day, the mobile went strangely dead at evenings and weekends. Then the day we were due to meet for our second date, he suggested that he book a room in a hotel..... Now leaving aside the obvious reasons for refusing his kind offer (!!!!) wouldn't it have been much easier (not to say cheaper) to invite me to dinner at his place and see if something developed more naturally.... unless of course there was another woman taking up space at his house...

Over time you develop a 6th sense for these things.

Nicki

Crickey, I haven't done Internet dating myself, but this thread is quite scary, and I can completely see how people end up sometimes being raped, abducted or worse by random strangers.

Not all directed at OP, but I cannot understand how anyone would agree to meet a man they had met online who refused to give a phone number, or invite a total stranger to their home, or go abroad to meet them and sleep in their hotel room (with a child or not) or some of the other stuff which people have said they do.

The fact is that you know nothing about an Internet stranger and any paper trail left is worthless. You can't even be sure they have given their real name, or sent a photograph of themselves, and as OP has found out their address could be bogus. Really, even if you arranged to meet somewhere sensible, got on like a house on fire, but then accepted a lift somewhere or got stuck alone with them and disappeared, what reliable evidence would the police have to find you?

I'm sure Internet dating can and does work sometimes, but I am amazed alarm bells did not go off for OP when a man refused to give his phone number, admitted he had used a false address, and invited himself to her home address for a weekend to stay overnight, and that she pursued contact with him when he cooled off :eek: I think she may have had a very lucky escape there.

Errata

Here's a tip for online dating sites. If you come across a man you fancy the look of, contact them. If they respond ask them for their phone number and refuse all contact unless it's by phone. Then - fix up a first date immediately, a lengthySunday lunchtime drink usually sorts the wheat from the chaff.

zzzLazyDaisy

Errata wrote: »

Here's a tip for online dating sites. If you come across a man you fancy the look of, contact them. If they respond ask them for their phone number and refuse all contact unless it's by phone. Then - fix up a first date immediately, a lengthySunday lunchtime drink usually sorts the wheat from the chaff.

Also when chatting to them, casually ask pertinent questions - where do you live/work. If you can get a surname that's great (sometimes swapping e-mail addresses gives you their surname - but make sure you have a e-address with some random name like bunny boiler @ hotmail . com, which you can delete if you wish). Then - google them, look them up on 192.com, and see what comes up - it is amazing what you can find out about a person sometimes. In 2007 I met someone who I eventually went out with for 18 months... after our first date I knew his home telephone number, his place of work and phone number, and the fact that he was a director of his own company. He also told me his house was for sale and I had gleaned enough info to find it on right move, so I had also seen photos of the inside of his house by the time we met again! That's the power of the internet (he was quite shocked!). But at least I knew he was genuine :-)

the_pink_panther_2

I'm glad you posted your experience. I honestly don't know what to think, I'm amazed that anyone can invest so much time into these communications and then withdraw so suddenly, but for one reason or another this guy decided it wasn't worth perusing anymore I'm guessing, though personally my brain can't actually comprehend how you can get so close and then push someone away. This might sound like an irrelevant question, and I'm about to get shot down for this, but I'd be curious which of the responses to this thread are from guys? (I'm a girl).

yvonne13_2

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Also when chatting to them, casually ask pertinent questions - where do you live/work. If you can get a surname that's great (sometimes swapping e-mail addresses gives you their surname - but make sure you have a e-address with some random name like bunny boiler @ hotmail . com, which you can delete if you wish). Then - google them, look them up on 192.com, and see what comes up - it is amazing what you can find out about a person sometimes. In 2007 I met someone who I eventually went out with for 18 months... after our first date I knew his home telephone number, his place of work and phone number, and the fact that he was a director of his own company. He also told me his house was for sale and I had gleaned enough info to find it on right move, so I had also seen photos of the inside of his house by the time we met again! That's the power of the internet (he was quite shocked!). But at least I knew he was genuine :-)

I will be following your example and google everything. It can be hard getting a landline as the excuses people come up with is laughable.

"I haven't got a landline" " so how are you on the net?" "i'm using my Iphone" "but you told me to hold on as your phone was ringing before"

Most of them seem to be business owners yet they cannot tell me what there business is called and when I asked them what colour there car is they say they haven't got one. They all seem to born in January and the best one is they post photo's dated in 2007 and try to claim the look the exact same.

Only one question why are the men quick to invite themselfs to the females house but not quick to invite you round to theres? it might seem like an obvious question but I really don't know the answer.

yvonne13_2

the_pink_panther wrote: »

I'm glad you posted your experience. I honestly don't know what to think, I'm amazed that anyone can invest so much time into these communications and then withdraw so suddenly, but for one reason or another this guy decided it wasn't worth perusing anymore I'm guessing, though personally my brain can't actually comprehend how you can get so close and then push someone away. This might sound like an irrelevant question, and I'm about to get shot down for this, but I'd be curious which of the responses to this thread are from guys? (I'm a girl).

He cooled it as far as I can tell because I told him I don't want him at my house plain and simple.
He then used our 12 age gap as an excuse.

Brighton_belle

Errata wrote: »

Here's a tip for online dating sites. If you come across a man you fancy the look of, contact them. If they respond ask them for their phone number and refuse all contact unless it's by phone. Then - fix up a first date immediately, a lengthySunday lunchtime drink usually sorts the wheat from the chaff.

This is good advice, but... my DH and I are rubbish on the phone (we still never ring each other for a chat if apart, lol) so abiding by this would rule out some quite shy men if there was no chance to email for a bit. Straight to phone would probably see them written off.

zzzLazyDaisy

Brighton_belle wrote: »

This is good advice, but... my DH and I are rubbish on the phone (we still never ring each other for a chat if apart, lol) so abiding by this would rule out some quite shy men if there was no chance to email for a bit. Straight to phone would probably see them written off.

I agree, it is good advice. But I rarely follow it, because I hate chatting to people who I don't know on the phone. There's no body language, and I am slightly deaf so prefer to be facing people so I can see what they are saying. So I generally move from internet dating site, to text, to meeting up in fairly quick succession. I'll probably have one or two calls but really I prefer to meet first and chat later. But that is just me being eccentric - and I'd still advise others to speak on the phone at least once or twice.

The other things I always do is to make sure someone is on the end of the phone. If things are not going right, I nip to the loo and send a quick text. 5 mins later my lodger phones me and tells me he is sat outside my house in his car unable to get in because he has forgotten his keys. I tell him off (which isn't difficult, it is something he does all too often!) and then make my excuses and leave. It has got me out of a couple of tediously boring dates.