Is there a set time to meet an internet love intreast?

yvonne13_2

Emmzi wrote: »

yucky! gross! who'd want to stay in the house of a TOTAL STRANGER in a romantic context? I mean, ok if he said "I want to come over for a shag, how about it" but this is a decitful way of getting the same thing. So ICK!

I would never allow a stranger into my home, I would prefer meeting on neutral ground a good few times before I felt comfortable enough to invite them over and even then he's not stopping he has to go home.

I guess there are some women my age that like to have fun but I take my safety first.

jansus

candygirl wrote: »

I chatted to my OH for 6 months before we met, and when we did meet it was like we knew each other really well already:D:D
You could try messaging him again hun, to see exactly what he's thinking;):D

Same situation for me, when we met there were no awkward silences and it didn't feel like a first date
Of course we were lucky, i did have a few dates off dating sites but didn't meet up for a few months, and when i did i knew instantly they weren't the men for me... trial and error i suppose

Seanymph

He wasn't a nice man then. Well done for working that out without having spent any more time on him. You enjoyed the company and interest, now don't you dare beat yourself up or feel bad - move on.

There are many abusive men on those sites, and many with wives.......... you need to take it all with a pinch of salt and protect yourself.

There are nice ones out there though. Just be very very careful.

angelil

burnoutbabe wrote: »

well it wasn't really going to work anyway then. next!

I'm sorry, but this is a ridiculous comment to make. When my husband and I started a relationship we lived in two different countries and at times were as much as 800 miles apart. We had an international long-distance relationship for 3.5 years, meeting up every 4-10 weeks depending on our commitments and financial situation (we were students) and I'm not going to lie: it was painful at times and also expensive, but worth it for the happiness we bring to each other. At the end of the 3.5 years we moved in together, and lived together for 2.5 years before getting married last year. We're now coming up to our first wedding anniversary - so please don't dismiss people living far apart as a reason why their relationship couldn't possibly work.

burnoutbabe

but this is a blind date? some stranger off the internet? why would you choose someone that far away to try and make a relationship with?

Its a bit different if you meet in real life, click and then decide to make the distance work, but without any knowledge if you will click or not, why not just look at local people?

Rationally, NO ONE is going to say "i shall try internet dating and seek out people in another country" unless they have a huge desire to move somewhere else.

angelil

burnoutbabe wrote: »

but this is a blind date? some stranger off the internet? why would you choose someone that far away to try and make a relationship with?

Its a bit different if you meet in real life, click and then decide to make the distance work, but without any knowledge if you will click or not, why not just look at local people?

Rationally, NO ONE is going to say "i shall try internet dating and seek out people in another country" unless they have a huge desire to move somewhere else.

It's true I wasn't deliberately seeking someone in another country; it 'just happened'. But that still doesn't mean it's a reason on its own to write off a relationship, and by the sounds of it there are other reasons why the OP needs to let this one lie now; the distance alone is not a good reason. My husband was a 'blind date'/a stranger off the internet, but you don't know people you pick up in bars any better before you go home with them frankly.

burnoutbabe

its just being practical.

Its online dating, there are probably hundred thousand UK people signed up for say POF or match. If you say you are happy to meet anyone from any country of any height/age etc, then you will be swamped by millions of emails, all from total strangers. And then you'd have to meet them all to know if any spark or not.

So you have to set some criteria - the rough right age/profession similar to yours or whatever and distance would be one of them. Unless you want to spend every single weekend travelling for hours to meet people for an hour in a coffee shop?

Unless the OP say lives in NW scotland and then they would have to expand their distance criteria to be able to get a good catchment of people.

So long distance relationships can work, but I still wouldn't suggest people didn't limit their search criteria abit on an online dating site to what can be practically travelled in an evening. Unless they just want someone they only see every few weeks. which might suit some. I wanted someone I could see several times a week if i was dating them.

zzzLazyDaisy

OP, this is going to sound harsh... but please don't take it that way.

You need to grow a thicker skin, and increase your expectations in terms of what you expect from men on internet dating sites.

To start with - the term 'dating site' is a misnomer. They are nothing of the sort, they are just 'introduction sites'. You can't 'date' or 'get to know' or 'fall for' someone who you have never met. Why? Because you have absolutely know idea if they are who they say they are, if they are married, if their photo looks like them, or even if they are as tall as they say they are.

The only way to know is to meet up (preferably at lunch time for coffee, or some other low pressure venue where you can make a swift exit if it doesn't feel right) and see the whites of their eyes, and chat to them.

Feeling that you have a connection with someone you haven't yet met is like falling for a pop-star. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you understand that it is a fantasy. It can't be real until you have met them in real life and really got to know them.

This sounds like the whole world of internet introductions is full of scammers and people you can't trust, and that isn't true at all. I've met some lovely men who have turned into good friends. I have also met some men who I have blocked immediately on returning home, and one memorable man who was nice enough, in his way, but at least ten years older than his stated age, at least 5 inches shorter, and he was almost totally bald on top with white hair which wouldn't matter but in his photo he had a full head of red hair.

Keep your options open, correspond with plenty of people, be aware, and have fun. It is a different way of meeting people, that's all.

Good luck

Dx

angelil

burnoutbabe wrote: »

its just being practical.

Its online dating, there are probably hundred thousand UK people signed up for say POF or match. If you say you are happy to meet anyone from any country of any height/age etc, then you will be swamped by millions of emails, all from total strangers. And then you'd have to meet them all to know if any spark or not.

So you have to set some criteria - the rough right age/profession similar to yours or whatever and distance would be one of them. Unless you want to spend every single weekend travelling for hours to meet people for an hour in a coffee shop?

Unless the OP say lives in NW scotland and then they would have to expand their distance criteria to be able to get a good catchment of people.

So long distance relationships can work, but I still wouldn't suggest people didn't limit their search criteria abit on an online dating site to what can be practically travelled in an evening. Unless they just want someone they only see every few weeks. which might suit some. I wanted someone I could see several times a week if i was dating them.

I agree that you need to limit your search, which the OP did. And we now know that she was deceived by this man on this front. But that's not what you said before (which was tantamount to "LDRs are stupid and people who get involved in them are too"), so I'm sure you can understand why I took offence to your sweeping generalisation.

Dontknowanymore

I was wondering the same.
I'm new too all of this but have been stung all my life by blokes and wonder if I'm being to cynical!