Is there a set time to meet an internet love intreast?

yvonne13_2

Sorry, if this has been spoken about before but anyway here goes.

I signed up with a dating website on new years eve with the hope of meeting someone.

Anyway two weeks ago a man contacted me and we got on great and we would talk for hours any chance we could get. He told me that he would like to meet up but is willing to wait until I feel confident as he doesn't want to scare me of.

Well I logged on the site today and he send me a message saying he wants to cool things off :eek:, I was so upset I burst out crying I guess I really liked speaking to him more than I realised.

He said he kept thinking about me and was scared he was getting feelings for someone he has never spoken to face to face and me being 12 years younger than him bothered him (We have exchanged photos).

My question is why say I can have time to feel comfortable then change the goal post? I know some people speak once or even twice then meet up but I really liked our conversations and I even found myself running home from work just to speak to him.

I feel like a total fool now as is though we had a connection _pale_

thatgirlsam

Aw sorry love .. do you reckon he could be married?

Sounds a bit strange to me

FBaby

I was on dating sites for 4 years before i met (on one of them) the love of my life (3 years ago). Believe me, you have to take that dating scene with a pinch of salt. There will be genuine and lovely men out there, but for one of those, you will have tens of unreliable men, who are just there for fun, who will tell you things and not mean it, and will make you tear your hair out if you take it all too seriously.

The most likely explanation for this man's behaviour is that he was chatting to another (others) people like you at the same time. For all you know, he was chating on line with two or three at the same time. He met one of them, before you, really liked her, and now decided that he wanted to stop contact with the others.

Don't think you are a fool, you are new to this culture and need to learn to take a step back. You need to decide what you want from it. If it is to have a bit of fun, then move on quickly to other potential interesting men. If it is to meet someone who could be lead to a serious relationship, be very very picky before you even start a conversation, take it very very slowly, and don't get to into it too quickly.

I was looking for a serious relationship and the way I operated was to first select my criteria without being too restrictive, but enough that I avoided men I would be unlikely to want to have a serious relationship with. I disreguarded anyone who wasn't prepared to write a proper email, and avoided msn, too easy, too convenient. If I connected with what he wrote, I quickly moved on to telephone conversations, and if that was positive, I expected to meet pretty quickly. My partner emailed me on Boxing day, I read it three days later, we exchanged 4 or 5 emails in the next week, talked on the phone two or three times and met for the first time on the January 10th. It would have been the weekend before if it hadn't been my DS bday.

Don't get disheartened, there are wonderful people on those sites and I really hope you meet someone that makes you happy, but remember that for most, it takes some time and meeting quite a few frogs before you do!

MrsDrink

In my opinion the 'set time to physically meet an internet love interest' is just before he becomes an 'internet love interest'. You're not asking us how long internet dating will lead to you finding the love of your life... you're asking us once you've met someone on internet dating when should you meet him in real life... right?

I think the moment you start to have deeper feelings for that person is when you should meet up. Then if he's as great in real life as he is over the internet things can carry on nicely... but if he isn't as great, or not what he claims, then you haven't wasted any time on him and can move on to the next one without feeling hurt.

yvonne13_2

I rejected a few people until I started speaking to him, I think the mistake I made was only speaking to him and ignoring everyone else.

I don't like leading people on or giving false hope but I guess that is what happened to me.

He said he was divorced and had two children and I didn't mind that as he obviously had a life before me, I just feel so lost and foolish to think that I really thought he was for me.

Scrapaholic

You're just learning and you say yourself you made the mistake of cutting the others off . Keep your options open and hope you find someone special soon.

Seanymph

My advice would be quite quickly. I too tried internet connection sites when I was a single mum - and can say hand on heart that on several occasions I really thought I liked someone, met them and it was the most awkward thing because I didn't like them at all.

Don't 'get feelings' for people you haven't met - it's easy for them not to be what they seem.

View it as simply a way to get introduced to people, network, just as you would in a pub but with a bit missing - and be VERY guarded about how emailing and talking on the phone can hide a multitude of sins.

shebangs

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Emmzi

have a coffee after a week so you can see if they look sane or not. If not move on fast. Wastes less time.

flutterby_lil

I think he is calling your bluff to make you meet sooner. Or like someone else said he possibly already met up with somebody else he was talking to.

yvonne13_2

Emmzi wrote: »

have a coffee after a week so you can see if they look sane or not. If not move on fast. Wastes less time.

I think that ship has sailed, he hasn't returned my messages so I guess he was playing cool and because I never played to his fiddle he has tossed me aside of someone that will met up quick.