Collection money to support a deceased man's young family

WhiteHorse

monstermuncher wrote: »

If she's ok with me doing it, is a Paypal account the right way?

The modern emphasis on money is tacky.

I just feel the need to do something useful, other than make cups of coffee and offer pointless hugs.

Companionship and hugs are exactly what's needed. That's priceless.

Padstow

The views on this thread are unanimous OP. Not one dissenter. Your help is needed most between now and the Funeral.

daska

daska wrote: »

It's occasionally possible to get a Funeral Payment from the Social Fund, but it's only available if there's no-one else who is deemed able to pay and she's on a low income. Might be worth a quick check?

Padstow wrote: »

He may also have his own family who will help. Setting up a fund might even step on their toes, it smacks of them not being able to financially cope.

Yes, definately a knee jerk reaction after such a shock. I'm sure the OP will think differently in the days to come.
Funeral directors are very patient as to when they get paid. They build that in to their costs.

Padstow wrote: »

Not you, the OP was setting up a fund. tsk!

I completely fail to understand how what you wrote as a response to my post could not be taken as a personal rebuke based on you misreading it. And then to tsk - get over yourself already.

QuackQuackOops

monstermuncher wrote: »

My best friend's husband has died suddenly last night, he leaves behind 3 young children.

My friend is extremely anxious about money, she's got a job, but it's long hours and she's not sure if it will be something she could do alongside being a single Mum, that will obviously affect their income dramatically.

There's obviously life insurance and things to look into, but in the immediate future she's worried about things like the cost of his funeral.

He was well known and well loved, and I was wondering if I could start something like a dedicated paypal account so that those who wanted to could donate a small amount to help support the family at this time.

Firstly, I don't know how she'd feel about that. It would be something that I'd set up so she wouldn't be seen as asking for money, but she's still a very private person and that may not sit well with her.

If she's ok with me doing it, is a Paypal account the right way?

I just feel the need to do something useful, other than make cups of coffee and offer pointless hugs.

Her children were at my flat when she told them about their Dad. Those three wonderful kids are far too young to be dealing with this. I'm so proud of them for how brave they've been, and I wonder if it would help them to know just how much their Dad meant to people.

None of them deserve this, life can be so cruel

I dont think its a very good idea. There are all kinds of tax implications and whether or not you would have to register as a charity.
It would also interfer with Tax Credits or other benefits she claims.

You would be better off doing something more practical, such as the suggestion above and make memory books. Far nicer too imho.

QuackQuackOops

Ive actually just thought about this for a few minutes and to be honest I would be mortified if one of my friends did this for me. No matter how close a friend she may be, she has no right to go begging on my behalf, no matter how worried about money I might say I am.

Violetta_2

Oh monstermuncher, I'm so sorry about what's happened to your friend & I can imagine how awful it is watching your best friend & their 3 children going through this. You are doing great just being there for them & I know only too well that it's much easier to try to deal with the practicalities (ie money) so you can see something you can physically do to help "right now" to try and help, than deal with all the emotional stuff. There is lot's of advice on here re finances & this thread which is a sticky at the top of the families section should be useful.
You are dealing with a lot just now (my heart would be breaking for those children) I'm sure people on here will be able to help you work out how best to help them. Hug's to you, hope you sleep well tonight.

motherofstudents

As a friend you will be able to help not just now when everyone is numb with shock, but later. Your support will be vital a few months down the line when people assume she is coping. As everyone has said, your help with meals, shopping and all the things that have to be done, will be greatly appreciated. I am very sorry that this has happened and yes, awful things do happen and it is almost unbearable.

monstermuncher

I'm very grateful for the vast majority of people who have been helpful, those who have been polite whatever they may think.

I'm still very angry at the assumptions (eg, thinking I'd do it without her consent, even when I'd already stated I wouldn't do that, telling my I don't know what the finances are like, mentioning the wider family etc.) The situtation is complicated, as most family situations are I would guess. However, I don't intend to share that information as though it's a soap opera. It's the way certain assumptions have been states as fact, such as telling me that I don't know what the situation is, or that my friend will feel mortified etc. In my original post I said 'IF SHE IS OK WITH IT', which makes it obvious I wouldn't do it behind her back! As it is, I have spoken to her and she likes the idea.

Also, to the person who said the modern emphasis on money is 'tacky', I'd say it's rather essential when suddenly becoming a single mother to 3 kids. Sentimentality is a luxury, she can't afford to sit around crying, she HAS to think about how she's going to cope, and that's something I'm trying to help with.

I have looked into the benefits, the prospect of her being able to continue working, how to go about getting access to his finances to see what the situation is etc, there is a lot I can, and will do. This thread wasn't about that though, it was about the best way to do it, and whether a paypal account would be sufficient.

Again, to the people who have been genuinely helpful, thank you.

To the person who suggested a memory book, I think that's a wonderful idea. I've set up a website with a comments page, and after the funeral I'll arrange to sit with the kids and put an album together of their favourite photos of him, along with quotes from the comments. I've also put a link on that site so that if people choose to donate something to the children, either for their futures or for a treat, they're able to do that.

My friend has seen and approved it.

Thanks again to the majority of people who were reasonble and polite, I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful, I was a bit distracted by some of the less nice comments!

Oldernotwiser

monstermuncher wrote: »

In my original post I said 'IF SHE IS OK WITH IT', which makes it obvious I wouldn't do it behind her back!

You miss the point that she might be offended (although you say not) by even being asked about this.

NB

I suggest you look at the benefit situation for lone parents as you may be reassured (and, more importantly, be able to reassure your friend) to learn how well provided for lone parents are in this country.

shebangs

...............................