Collection money to support a deceased man's young family

monstermuncher

My best friend's husband has died suddenly last night, he leaves behind 3 young children.

My friend is extremely anxious about money, she's got a job, but it's long hours and she's not sure if it will be something she could do alongside being a single Mum, that will obviously affect their income dramatically.

There's obviously life insurance and things to look into, but in the immediate future she's worried about things like the cost of his funeral.

He was well known and well loved, and I was wondering if I could start something like a dedicated paypal account so that those who wanted to could donate a small amount to help support the family at this time.

Firstly, I don't know how she'd feel about that. It would be something that I'd set up so she wouldn't be seen as asking for money, but she's still a very private person and that may not sit well with her.

If she's ok with me doing it, is a Paypal account the right way?

I just feel the need to do something useful, other than make cups of coffee and offer pointless hugs.

Her children were at my flat when she told them about their Dad. Those three wonderful kids are far too young to be dealing with this. I'm so proud of them for how brave they've been, and I wonder if it would help them to know just how much their Dad meant to people.

None of them deserve this, life can be so cruel

RAS

For the children, the best thing you can do is to open memory books into which people can write stuff; all these electronic records will be unusable in a decade or so.

Start with photos etc of their dad that you have and a few words about the circumstances in which they were taken.

Maysie

paypal now charge fees on personal payments so probably not the best way to do it.

mishkanorman

Dont the funeral directors do something like accept donations for xxx rather than sending flowers on the day, perhaps this would be a way to go ?

McKneff

Wow, I would be horrified if a friend of mine did that without asking me, it would be a resounding 'NO' it smacks of begging to be honest.

Ther iinsurance will pay for the funeral, The funeral directors will be happy to wait, there maybe death in service benefit, could there also be widows benefit.

To be honest, I think its in bad taste at the moment to be thinking this way (i mean you) when the poor man hasnt been deceased 24 hours.

Just be there for her and help her sort things out after the funeral, but dont talk about money till she mentions it herself.

Donations in lieu of flowers are ususally left at the church for a chosen charity or the church, not the undertakers bill.

richardw

Perhaps a friend or relative can do a quick look into things to see if a bit more clarity of the financial situation can be ascertained and your friends anxiety can be reduced.

gingin_2

I would leave it for the moment. You could offend people in many ways - those that didn't hear about it and weren't able to donate, those that are grieving, those that can't afford to donate what they might want to....

You could, in the coming months arrange some sort of event as a kind of "benefit", say at his local pub, or village hall and sell tickets and make it clear that the money either goes to charity, or the kids, or split 2 ways.

Padstow

There will be increased benefits for them, check on "entitled to." Plus various payments and a widow's pension. Page 55 of this link. http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/dwp1027.pdf No doubt his employer will pay money out as well.
So no, I don't think you should arrange something formal. Some of the mourners may well be struggling more than the widow, financially. If someone asked in my present situation to donate, I would have to refuse.
No one, including the State, helps those dumped in marriage, a financial nightmare as well as emotional, similar to a bereavement.
It's a knee jerk reaction to give money, as in missing children.

Read the link and see if you can do more practically than make cups of coffee. You are a good friend.

daska

It's occasionally possible to get a Funeral Payment from the Social Fund, but it's only available if there's no-one else who is deemed able to pay and she's on a low income. Might be worth a quick check?

Padstow

daska wrote: »

It's occasionally possible to get a Funeral Payment from the Social Fund, but it's only available if there's no-one else who is deemed able to pay and she's on a low income. Might be worth a quick check?

He may also have his own family who will help. Setting up a fund might even step on their toes, it smacks of them not being able to financially cope.

Yes, definately a knee jerk reaction after such a shock. I'm sure the OP will think differently in the days to come.
Funeral directors are very patient as to when they get paid. They build that in to their costs.

meritaten

I too would wait a little while - and dont do anything without her agreement in advance.
A practical way you could help would be offering to mind the kids while she sorts out the arrangements for the funeral and after that while she sorts out the paperwork and finances.
Unless you KNOW they are going to be left in financial dire straits - then it is a bit premature to start a collection which may not be needed and may be resented by the family.
It was a nice thought tho hun!