Boyfriends mum keeps asking us for money

Slinky_Malinky

She seems to regard her son as a life long meal ticket, unless you can stop this you will always be giving her handouts. Taking food for the kids is a good idea, also if she says her benefits have been messed up, call her bluff and offer to go with her to her next appoinment to help sort it out ( bet there is no mess up or appoinment though)

What on earth does she do with her money - does she have a drink/drug/gambling problem that she needs help with?

adamantine

Slinky_Malinky wrote: »

What on earth does she do with her money - does she have a drink/drug/gambling problem that she needs help with?

this did cross my mind too. there has to be somewhere the money is going if in fact she isnt just a scooge and doesnt want to spend any of it and wants your OH to pay for her.

caeler

Hi OP - I don't want to upset you but my ex-MIL didn't seem able to manage on her money but it later came aparent that she was struggling with an alcohol addiction and all the money went on alcohol and she was amazing at concealing it including holding down a job at a bank! I'm not for one minute saying your MIL is the same but do you know if there is an underlying reason to all this? I appreciate some people struggle to manage money and if your partner has been doing all the money management it might be hard for her to take over and put all the money where it needs to be (ie rent, energy, water, etc). As others have said, don't let this come between you and your partner.

meritaten

why on earth are you believing what this woman is telling you? hun, she is a hardened liar and scrounger - do NOT ever take her side over your OH who sounds like one in a million!
even if he did slip her a few quid on the quiet - isnt that what relatives do? I can tell you I have given more than a few quid to the kids when OH has said 'NO MORE'. thats what mums and dads do - the other way round - well, that causes problems.
this woman expects the world to revolve around her - complete bluddy narcissist!
your problem is getting the OH to make his mum stand on her own two feet!

Decluttering

How does your OH feel about all this? Surely he can't enjoy working all that overtime to pay towards two households?

I think if you try too hard to change things you might end up coming across as the bad person. Maybe suggest to your OH that he cut back on the money that he's giving gradually until eventually he's paying for nothing (or very little if he has to!) It would give his mum some time to get used to less financial help and allow her time to cut back if she wanted to.

Person_one

I wouldn't plan to have a baby with your partner until this situation is resolved.

onlyroz

Does she have a disability that means she can't work?

Sounds like your OH is enabling her behaviour. He needs to get tough - firstly he needs to go over her paperwork to make sure she is telling the truth about things not being paid to her. And as others have said, if he wants to give her money he should buy things directly, e.g. shoes for the kids, leccy for the meter etc etc. This woman will not change if your partner just keeps giving her money without getting to the root of whatever problems she has.

Hanging_by_a_thread

It is about time your boyfriends mum learnt to stand on her own two feet. It is not up to him to keep subbing her, paying for her to raise other children she has and meet the costs of running her home.

It sounds to me very much like she is playing you, your OH and her ex off against one another. She can only continue to do this for as long as you all keep giving.

Something tells me that if you turned round and sad 'that is it, no more, sort your own finances out' she would be able to. Instead of you two paying to keep her, let all us lovely tax payers keep her in the manner to which she has become accustomed. God forbid she considers getting off her butt and going out to work so as to support her own family by herself :whistle:

Errata

Have you ever sat down with your OH and discussed where you both want the relationship to go and what both of you will have to do to make that happen?

Marisco

Well I must say you're all better people than I am!!:p I'd have gone over there on my own, and told her straight to stop extracting the urine along with the money!!!