Weepy member of staff

Mischa8

jc808 wrote: »

Bear in mind the topic here is 'weepy staff' - not 'bereavements or misfortunes among the workplace staff'
I knew a number of people with links to the old site, and she had always been like this, never productive in any meaningful way, always made mistakes, would fall back on her 'tears' defence whenever questioned/ challenged about performance, exactly the same at her old 'comfortable' site, and was hired (and protected thereafter) through nepotism and of course the 'tiptoe/eggshells' factor...

PS im not a nasty piece of work, im just realistic about whats expected, and whats appropriate in the workplace.

-Staffmember who works for 25 years and has issues at some point, and this consequences in a period if distress... thats fine
-Staffmember who is incapable of doing the job, but hired anyway, never improves, cannot handle the job, stresses all the time, training goes nowhere.... what can you do?

That makes more sense now, with the explanation and also further down this post about manipulative.

Mischa8

Mistral001 wrote: »

It seems that he OP is getting drawn in by this person who appears to be manipulative. Thus best advice is do not go down the road of colluding with this manipulative behaviour by being in any way manipulative yourself.

Your dealings with this person should be businesslike and firm, but also you need to listen to every word that this person says with regard to the work she is doing. If this person is distressed with something that is going on in her personal life, just getting back to work again, or some other work mattermatter then they will probably find it hard to communicate well about often straight forward everyday work matters. Thus you might have to spend more time with this person for a while on getting her to communicate about everyday work matters.

I actually agree to a point about this person being manipulative. If she knows that being upset etc gets her what she wants (eg no confrontation about her work mistakes etc) then of course, that is most likely what she will use as a weapon to avoid non confrontation.

That's why, I see it in a sense to approach this person being more friendly/understanding, at least at first. I agree with the comments re communication over work. And no, there's no need to become a therapist. I just see it that if you go in the hardline road (possible disciplinary action etc) then it won't bode well for both OP and the employee. Try the businesslike/firm/communicative route first would be my option.

megsmaw06

sammyjammy wrote: »

Or none of the above :mad:

I am a "tearful" person. Its not within my capabilities not to do it, it's a physical reaction to certain things. Its really tough and sometimes gets in the way of my work persona. I am very good at my job and am well respected. People that know me also know that the best way to deal with the tears is ignore them, the more attention I get the more frustrated/upset I get.

There is nothing wrong with me, I cannot control it and mostly it happens out of frustration rather than actually being upset. If this is happening when you speak to this lady about something she's not done quite right it maybe that like me she is frustrated with herself and mortified that someone has had to tell her about it.

Saying that I do make a point if I think I'm going to be in that position with a colleague I will say something like if I cry then just ignore me, let me calm myself and I'll be able to talk as usual.

I don't know if any of this helps but it does sound like she is just made that way. I hate it when people think its a manipulative/controlling thing because its not, I really struggle with it. When I was younger people used to say you'll toughen up and grow out of it but I never have. I'd hate to think that people feel like they have to tiptoe around me but if they do they do, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I get like this too, but it's caused by my Social Anxiety Disorder. I can feel myself going, but like you if everyone ignores it and I do some breathing excercises it goes away and I calm down again. It only gets worse if people stop and ask what's wrong etc..

Perhaps this lady is an undiagnosed SA sufferer?

Emmzi

megsmaw06 wrote: »

I get like this too, but it's caused by my Social Anxiety Disorder. I can feel myself going, but like you if everyone ignores it and I do some breathing excercises it goes away and I calm down again. It only gets worse if people stop and ask what's wrong etc..

Perhaps this lady is an undiagnosed SA sufferer?

or maybe she isn't. Again, amateur diagnosis are dangerous.

LittleMissGiggles123

I would say to ignore it. It can be embarassing if people then point it out & make a big issue of it.

Just have your chat with her about the problems, then at the end give her some positive words of encouragement then tell her that if she does have any other issues she can come to you to discuss.

want-it-all

She could be a drama queen, or she could have serious problems in her personal life.

The fact that any such problems are not immediately apparent doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. She could have anything and everything going on behind the scenes. It is wholly possible to have ‘problems’ (inc. depression and the likes), but still be able to maintain social chitchat, and so on.

But, then again, she could be a drama queen.

Are you the manager, heretolearn, or in some other position of responsibility?

If so, how about inviting her out for a one-to-one cup of coffee and a chat? Mention that you’ve noticed her disposition, and were wondering if there’s anything you guys can do to help/support?

If you’re not a manager or similar, you could always still reach out to her as a friendly face.

If it’s ‘something’, you probably know how to deal with it, from experience.

[FONT=&quot]If it’s ‘nothing’, ignore it?[/FONT]

PurplePow

I must say I am like this too. I am not trying to be manipulative at all, and it's something that has drove me crazy for a long time.

If I have to bring up any issues with a manager I struggle, I feel confident before hand knowing what I'm going to say, then I get in there and feel myself getting a bit teary eyed despite my brain thinking 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT! STOP IT!' Or vice versa - if a manager is explaining something I have done wrong, I will usually just sit and say nothing as I know my voice will be shaky and I'll start crying if I talk, but again inside I am telling myself to stop, and why is it happening etc.

I've been this way for as long as I can remember - and I hate it! I prefer to be ignored if it happens as it would make it worse, especially if I'm having a struggle inside myself telling myself to stop.

kittycatface

Wow this has got a lot of responses! I am training to be a social worker and part of all social care jobs involve "supervision": my old job it was 6 weekly, most sw have it weekly I think. This is a chance to air feelings about the work, and raise both concerns about working environment, colleagues and any personal issues in strict confidence. There are normally written, signed supervision agreements in place and it is structured so manager and employee know what is expected of them. I find that if done well this creates a clear forum in which to raise issues and "air" them so that ideally you don't get that kind of "teary at work" situation: stress is dealt with before it has a chance to build up. Perhaps you could suggest to her line manager that they meet weekly, not to review the woman's performance but to mutually discuss work issues, than gradually reduce the amount of time they are meeting when confidence builds. from your original post I think you are meeting in a larger group or with 2 managers present which may be more intimidating if performance issues are being brought up? I agree that it is a huge pressure on managers in these kinds of situations, but emphasise that they are paid more not just to take extra responsibility for the work itself, but also to manage their employees. It takes a huge range of soft skills to do that but I think a small structured time investment will pay off and I wish you all luck with it. For those posters who are worried about the "manipulative" element I would suggest that there are many other types of workplace behaviour that are more manipulative than the odd tear, and anyway if there is a structured, time defined arena to air issues it may also prevent the worry than people seem to have that personal issues or "emotional manipulation" prove to be a drain on resources and staff.

Errata

A good manager will notice when someone is distressed, immediately acnowledge the distress and ask what's causing it. Everything flows from that.

timeou

PurplePow wrote: »

I must say I am like this too. I am not trying to be manipulative at all, and it's something that has drove me crazy for a long time.

If I have to bring up any issues with a manager I struggle, I feel confident before hand knowing what I'm going to say, then I get in there and feel myself getting a bit teary eyed despite my brain thinking 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT! STOP IT!' Or vice versa - if a manager is explaining something I have done wrong, I will usually just sit and say nothing as I know my voice will be shaky and I'll start crying if I talk, but again inside I am telling myself to stop, and why is it happening etc.

I've been this way for as long as I can remember - and I hate it! I prefer to be ignored if it happens as it would make it worse, especially if I'm having a struggle inside myself telling myself to stop.

I am EXACTLY the same as you. I've worked for the same organisation for 18 yrs and have always been like it. I'm confident, outspoken and will stand my ground over issues but the minute I'm in my appraisal, or if I need to bring anything up with my manager I find myself tearing and my voice shakes up despite telling myself that I SHOULDNT BE DOING THIS _ THERE IS NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. Its as though its a physical reaction to authority!

I wish I could stop it tho as my !!!!! of a boss now feels she can walk all over me....that's another story......