Weepy member of staff

McKneff

Telling someone to 'get a grip' is just so stupid, it's like telling a person who is really depressed to 'cheer up'

heretolearn_2

Ok can we not all let our imaginations run away with us; she does not have any illnesses terminal or otherwise, she is not a reluctant returner, she is not depressed etc etc. She likes working here, she likes her job, she's really happy with it - thrilled to bits to be back in a 'real job' as she puts it (she worked for us in a minor way previously and then applied when this role came up.) She doesn't have any big problems that i am aware of and she does chit chat about new partner/ex partner/kids/her dad's recent illness etc perfectly normally and without getting upset!

She is just getting a bit over emotional when she feels she hasn't done well/the right thing.

faerie~spangles

I know two women who are 'Teary Drawers.'

They are the most manipulative women I have ever come across and have others walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting them.

If her crying is having an adverse effect on other staff and it is within you job remit, have a quiet word with her before it happens again.

She could just be a manipulative Drama Queen OR having really bad personal issues.

Miss_Havisham

I've had staff like this in the past (incl a couple of men) and spending some time with them did help. I was gentle but persistent with them, and between us we would identify the various "issues" then decide which one she/he would tackle first and how, and "park" the rest. We reviewed monthly or so and gradually worked through the list.

Also each member of staff had to have an annual action plan of targets etc (cascaded down from mine) and I added in some personal development stuff which I agreed with each of them and reviewed 6 monthly. It could be a course, or moving onto a diff job, working on a project, producing agendas and minutes for staff meetings etc. You'd be surprised how well most people respond to this sort of thing.

Managing staff can be hard work but if they are putting the effort in then I don't mind doing likewise.

Miss H

Uncertain

heretolearn wrote: »

Ok can we not all let our imaginations run away with us; she does not have any illnesses terminal or otherwise, she is not a reluctant returner, she is not depressed etc etc.

You don't know that, particularly the bit about "not depressed". It is amazing how little understanding there is about this subject. Sometimes the "happiest" seeming people can be seriously depressed even professional comedians etc. Tony Hancock was a prime example.

Linda32

Hi,

Speaking as a weepy drawers myself I was made redundant from my last job on 7th September 2010 I was given a months notice and almost begged to go sooner.
I couldn't stop grinning when they told me. Even now only the funny things that happened and there were alot are still only funny. Alot of the things are still :eek:

At first the secretary was in total shock that I had anything to cry about :eek: then tried ignoring it then tried support and encouragement, the poor women did try, bless her.

I was given lots of support and this did help alot, and shown ways in which to handle the work. How to prevent interuptions, so I didn't go wrong or forget things, if I was in the middle of something, lets say. I certainly know I can't multi-task.

The work place was what is known as a "fast paced office environment", prior to this I had about 15 years office experience and I'm now put off for life. It simply didn't suit me at all.

I never did "get a grip", although I knew I needed to. I tried all different things. I had my hair dyed to see if it would boost my confidence. You know, when you know you look good you give out that impression. Tried different make up and clothes. Didn't make the slightest difference to me.

Funnily enough though, outside of this particular place, people who know me outside of work, would never have believed I would be like that.


Is your line of work the same as the lady had done before? You said that she is angry with herself and I fully understand that. I was mortified when I realised I'd messed up.

I can only say that support and encouragement is the way forward.

heretolearn_2

true, but I honestly don't think so despite not being medically qualified :-)

She's not crying all over the place, if I gave that impression, she goes a bit quiet and her eyes get a bit teary that's all. I was just wondering if she would prefer it if we ignored it or made a fuss over it - but of course the simple answer to that question is to just ask her.

sammyjammy

faerie~spangles wrote: »

I know two women who are 'Teary Drawers.'

They are the most manipulative women I have ever come across and have others walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting them.

If her crying is having an adverse effect on other staff and it is within you job remit, have a quiet word with her before it happens again.

She could just be a manipulative Drama Queen OR having really bad personal issues.

Or none of the above :mad:

I am a "tearful" person. Its not within my capabilities not to do it, it's a physical reaction to certain things. Its really tough and sometimes gets in the way of my work persona. I am very good at my job and am well respected. People that know me also know that the best way to deal with the tears is ignore them, the more attention I get the more frustrated/upset I get.

There is nothing wrong with me, I cannot control it and mostly it happens out of frustration rather than actually being upset. If this is happening when you speak to this lady about something she's not done quite right it maybe that like me she is frustrated with herself and mortified that someone has had to tell her about it.

Saying that I do make a point if I think I'm going to be in that position with a colleague I will say something like if I cry then just ignore me, let me calm myself and I'll be able to talk as usual.

I don't know if any of this helps but it does sound like she is just made that way. I hate it when people think its a manipulative/controlling thing because its not, I really struggle with it. When I was younger people used to say you'll toughen up and grow out of it but I never have. I'd hate to think that people feel like they have to tiptoe around me but if they do they do, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

LadyMissA

heretolearn wrote: »

true, but I honestly don't think so despite not being medically qualified :-)

She's not crying all over the place, if I gave that impression, she goes a bit quiet and her eyes get a bit teary that's all. I was just wondering if she would prefer it if we ignored it or made a fuss over it - but of course the simple answer to that question is to just ask her.

but maybe there are underlying problems that you can't see

Just a little word to reassure her not to get upset as its not personal and see how it goes I think would be a good idea

heronfolder

I don't think she has personal problems if she's fine chatting about everything else in her life.

It sounds like she's set herself high standards and is really eager to impress and get things right first time.

She probably feels embarrassed and ashamed that she's got something wrong and is being spoken to.

Some people don't care, others will get upset with themselves.

Go for a gentle approach and emphasise that people do often make silly mistakes (even experienced staff) for various reasons, lapses in concentration or whatever. But don't draw attention to the welling up, she's probably trying her damndest to make them disappear!